This is for the people who have had their right to say no taken from them. 

This is for those who have been shamed, lost and confused about why someone took YOUR choice!!! If no one has ever told you in your life or TODAY…..You are the prettiest!

Below I have provided a space where you can anonymously tell your story. There are no comments where people can judge or shame. If you can relate to something you have read, take the strength with you and pass it on. Tamartian will ALWAYS be here for you. God bless you ALL.

250 thoughts on “PRETTIEST GIRL

    1. The beating started before we got married and I know some may say why did you marry him anyway. 1. Because I love him with everything in me. He’s now the father of my 6 month old son and I didn’t see anyone at the time to stand close to him. His heart is pure he is ambitious. But when he started choosing people over me it hurt. The arguments grew and so did the beating. I gave up on life at that time and it was a dark and scary place to be . 27 and caught up in this nonsense….. never did I tell my friends not family. Until it got worst I thought for sure he was about to kill me. One punch to the face then he grabbed me and slammed by head against the floor he stood over me and said just be gone. It all happened so fast I didn’t even remember crying until I was out in the drive way trying to dial a friend number. At that time I was pregnant and didn’t know. I went back to him the next day after my step mom and brother came for me picked me off the bathroom floor. I thought I was done. I regret going back and feel trapped. Recently I went to the SVU department to make a statement of the abuse I’ve endured for the past yr and a half and I felt unheard I felt like she wasn’t listening to me. She later called my husband and told him my complaint and every where I went to make a statement. He knows ppl in high places and I began to get a little more fearful than before. He brought a girl into our home and I wasn’t pleased about it I do not know this girl and have not heard or seen this girl ever… I know my husband and what he is capable of and I am fearful if I try to run he’ll find me and kill me. After leaving the home last Tuesday night I returned with my son and told that got to leave I questioned her about being in a married couple home and she attempted to sas me…. I am truly hurt and upset and am currently seeking advice from my attorney. I want desperately to feel like me again. This man had made me angry for no reasons and I recently ask god to enter my life . I’m working on me as well as trying to move on mentally. I blame myself dearly and I need a lot of therapy before I can truly recover… Tamar thank you for making this platform so I can have a voice… I’ve followed you for so long and I can relate to similar experiences you’ve had or any female has had. Ppl often ask why we stay. Abusers currupt your mind before they abuse. I felt like no one would understand but I thriving to be healthier and do what’s best for my son

      1. As I read your story I had tears in my eyes because it mirrors my life so much. I got married when I was 18 and the abuse did not start til after the first child. It continued over the years answer it got worse with the third pregnancy. He wanted me to have an abortion and I don’t believe in abortion and one timw he beat me so bad that I thought I would have a miscarriage. In the beginning I told people and nothing seemed to change and I just became silent. It came a point that I knew either I would be killed or I would be locked up for killing him. I was scared I was 24 with 3 kids. I understand. I finally left him 10 years ago and filed for divorce. I left everything behind. I say all this to say you can leave too. I know your scared but this is not a life to live for you or your baby. I know that abuser has your mind and makes you feel like you have to stay. You don’t. If there is anything I can do to help please let me know. Sweetheart you are stronger then you know.

        1. I was born with a learning disability and people make fun of me and call me a special ed but I know I’m the PRETTIEST GIRL AND GOD CREATED ME TO BE BEAUTIFUL.

          1. Comment I was taken advantage of by many boys. And made fun of by many girls. They laughed at my hair and at my clothes. But their was boy always that would pick me up and tell me I was beautiful. And then they would try to get something from me. They wanted more than what I could give them. I wanted something they didn’t have. Love. This happened around 6 times. I got to the point where I couldn’t trust people. I’m fourteen. And this has all happened in the last two years of my life.I now have someone who I know loves me for me and makes me feel comfortable I trust him with my heart and feelings. And he most certainly makes Me feel like the prettiest girl in the world. And doesn’t ever ask for anything in return.

          2. You sure are and don’t every let anyone tell you otherwise!
            And when they laugh at you just laugh back and say, “Bullies are cowards with low self esteem,now who’s the Special Ed?”🤣👏😎

      2. You’re worthy of God’s best! You’re worth fighting for not being fought on. May God continue to give you the STRENGTH and COURAGE you need to leave and never look back.No matter what it looks and feels like right now EVERYTHING will be ok.

        Isaiah 41:10
        Fear not, for I am with you;
        Be not dismayed, for I am your God.
        I will strengthen you,
        Yes, I will help you,
        I will uphold you with My righteous right hand.

      3. Believe me, a piece of mind is worth all the material stuff. I to left a house, diamonds and false security behind. I took my three kids and two bags of clothes and left. I could not take the emotional abuse and beatings. He is in the music industry and everyone thinks he is s good guy, but behind closed doors he is a monster! There is a GOD who have watched over me and I have gained more than I lost. Keep your head upComment

      4. Val, There is hope. Praying that you see that you and your child are loved and valued! Use the courage that you have to leave. Use the love for your child and the desire to have a safe, secure and happy life to compel you to leave. Find help from a church or other counselors. You need to be sheltered until you are strong enough to go it on your own. Give yourself a chance to think it through and figure out your next step. Prayers for you!!

      5. God will give you the strength that you need to move on. Stay vigilant and stay the course on getting out. Take yourself and the love you feel or felt for him out of the equation. Get out for your son. Do you want him to see that it is okay to treat you like this? Worse yet, do you want him to think it’s ok to do to women what has been done to you? Absolutely not. Every city has shelters for abused women. Not saying you have to go (although you should consider it, or go to a friend of family member that he is not familiar with) and ask them,at the shelter, what they would suggest once you tell them your story. They have resources in place to help you. Find your voice and get your life back. Pray your way through but also be active in getting yourself out. This time, don’t look back.

      6. You have taken the first step in your healing!! You are courageous and brave and it shows in you being able to write about your experience!!! You may not know any of us on here but we are all here for you!!! You are never alone

      7. First off, I Thank God that you are doing better! I could never imagine myself in the experience you were in. I worry about the small stuff and your story reminded that people really go through some hard times. I have family members that been in such situations but it is true that you get manipulated and even threatened that it’s not something easy to come out of or not even your fault at all! I am happy you seeked out for help! You are not alone, thanks for sharing your story it was heart breaking but touching to know how strong you kept your faith through it all, God Bless

    2. CommentThis is an epidemic that’s stealing our sanity and sanctity I want to know if and when will it end. In the homes of those you’d never think. Just like yesterday I remember so well….Tears….

    3. Long story short- I found out recently, when my oldest daughter told me, followed a couple days later – when my youngest daughter told me, that they were both molested by my son. I have cut off all contact with my son and we have filed police reports. I feel shame for having raised a monster, but proud of both of my daughters for telling me after this many years. I know that because it has been so long, even though the statute of limitations has not run out, charges probably will never be filed (if it was up to me they would be, but that is up to the courts.) I sat in a small group with one of my classes in college and we were just talking – and all four of us had really similar experiences that had shattered our lives, be it molestation, drugs, abuse, alcoholism, ,mental illness. What in the heck was the likelihood that all four of us had experienced such awful stuff? And these classmates of mine are way younger than me, and already have experienced so much. Just goes to show that none of you are alone, everybody has something going on. Don’t be ashamed. Seek help from a therapist. Find your joy. I still haven’t and need to do the same for myself and my daughters. One day at a time.

      1. I feel your son violated my younger daughter in the same exact way!! I pressed charges, hes in jail, we have no communication with him…It hurts like HELL to think he could use his BABY SISTER in such a disgusting manor!! I blame myself, I constantly beat myself up…what did I do wrong and how did I not protect my baby!!! I’ve even thought of committing suicide..but I pray and I know God is a healer and deliver!!!

        1. It’s never your fault for what went on. Sometimes we’re scared to speak about it for various reasons. Maybe we want to forget about it or ashamed to speak of it. All the time it’s not fair. Dont blame yourself for not knowing. I’ve been molested various times through family and close friends and I’ve always kept it a secret. Still to this day only a few close friends know.

    4. Ive grown with the things I went through, I feel so sorry for them, I had a girlfriend tell me something so very special, she said God will take care of them and let you be a witness and howvtrue that is!! Life to short I wont let my abousers win noooo.I love God and I Love me to much to tourcher my self. 💋

    5. I was with a legit psychopath in 2010. I had just turned 18 and graduated from high school. This guy went to the Naval Academy which is some super school for Navy men. He was charming at first and nice, but then everything went down hill. He tried to use everything I said to him in confidence. Ran to family, friends, tried to make a mess of my life. It started with tight squeezes to my arm. Not letting my wrist go, cornering me. Our first experience happened where he wouldn’t let me leave a hotel room. I thought we were going to tour around dc, have a real date. But he has other plans. After that I tried to ignore him. But he wooed me and apologized. There were other women, nonsense drama. He did well for 6 months and we got engaged. I was embarrassed to share with my family all the abuse I endured in the beginning. But it continued to get worse. The night we got “engaged” he belittled and insulted me so bad I just wanted to go home. But my grandparents told me I just needed to stop whatever and listen to him and it would get better. Think about my future. He’s a nice guy, he’ll be gone on tours most of the time so I can work on me. Blah blah blah. I broke of the engagement and he would pop up at my family homes, send gifts, sent love letters tons of songs,, etc. we had a car (I bought it but it was in his name) I needed it to get to school and work. He totaled it on his way home and stopping to see some other female. I finally moved away to GA and was doing well. He told me I could go to Chicago and get the car and I enforced the we are not together to everyone I encountered. He was supposed to sign the car over to me, and didn’t. I’m back in GA and all of my money is transferred into an account that we once shared, and he had the cards. I went back to MD like an idiot to get the cards and paperwork to close the account. He ended up attacking me in the hotel while my little brother was in the shower. I called the hotline at the school (because they have a task force specifically for military) I was told it was he say she say so there’s nothing they could do. Typical. I finally decided I wanted to not have anything to do with him. But I had already bought a dress for this ball and the deal was I would attend only if he’d sign the car over (he had a mutual friend state they would deliver the papers to me). Of course that didn’t happen so I finally said screw it. Told him to get the car and I would never have to speak to him again. They day after he picked the car up I foundout I was expecting. I struggled with the decision to keep the baby. But ironically her life saved mine because I was sure he would have killed me as he attacked me the day he picked the car up. Had it not been for my room mate coming home I’m sure he would have succeeded in strangling me to death. He foundout I was pregnant because unbeknownst to me he had my mail being sent to his address. So he saw a bill and I had tried to lie but he charmed his way to my little sister who gave him info on the baby and turned on me to make me that bad person because we didn’t have our father she didn’t think it was right for me to keep my daughter from him. 5 years later court case completed I have full legal and sole custody with supervised visitation because of all the police reports I finally was brave enough to file. Though the courts tossed them out because evidence was “circumstantial”. I’m happily married to an AMAZING Pastor who treats my baby like his own with two more beautiful children. We barely hear from him and he hasn’t seen my daughter in 2 years. But he apparently PI’d us and foundout where my daughter goes to school, He attempted to pick her up 2 weeks ago and had it not been for the VO having a gut feeling I probably would be dealing with a kidnapping issue. I’m stuck waiting for him to try something again in order to have him locked up. I’m glad to have women who can relate to my story because it’s scary and hard to admit that we loved monsters and allowed them to take our power. But to whoemever reads this who hasn’t gotten out. You can get out, you are not a victim but a survivor, no matter what they say YOU ARE AMAZING and loved. And there is a man out there who will love you through your healing and who will want to GIVE you the world and more. Bless you

    6. I am a 15-year-old Haitian-American girl and from a young age, my life had been hard the physical and mental abuse I have experienced from my dad since the age of 4, my mom always going to work all the time up until the age of 6 (in my earlier years I rarely had her presence in my life), me seeing my dad slap my aunt, leave me and my brother for 2+ years, say that it was my fault, let older men and boys look at me and touch me inappropriately, and my mom being mentally abusive in addition to that really messed me up as a person. I have kept so much in for these past 8 years that I started to think that it wasn’t a big deal. I didn’t think it was a big deal that no one wanted to listen to what I had been through, that my mom was only ever concerned with my younger, and the only time my dad was only ever concerned with me was when he wanted to talk trash about my family. I was left to fend for myself, I was left to fight my own battles, I reached for everyone’s help anyone’s help but nothing ever seemed to stick. I am all alone even now falling into this black hole I call life. My own family is taking their “disappointment” out on me, saying that nothing is wrong with me and I should pray. How am I supposed to rely on a GOD that doesn’t even exist to pull me out! Where I am right now is too dark for me to see light. It’s too dark to even use a flashlight. I’ve thought about suicide, but I know I will always be too scared to do it because I am too damn hopeful. I am hopeful that someone will come along and pull me out, but life continues to show me otherwise. What did I do to deserve this?

      1. You did’t do anything. Sometimes God puts us through these kinds of things so that we can help others later in life. You will be blessed. Please pray. Prayer works. He is listening and will help. I wish i could help you. I will continue to pray that God keeps you close and sees you through these times.

    7. Comment Hello Ms.Tamar Braxton.I too have been a victim of molestation. My abuse started at 3 years old. I never got the chance too enjoy sisterhood because it was my sisters father who started this chain of abuse. She didn’t understand my pain because she was not the victim.I endured 10,years of anal and oral sex. By the time I was 12,I was brutally raped by neighbors in a new neighborhood. I have been mentally traumatized for many years. I learned to live in my truth,stand to my accuser,and a lot of daily prayers. My story is forever haunting,but my God is my shield. Thank u for letting me express my pain to u. I have always believed in u and admired u. Today I just take it one day at a time. Thank you,and I’m praying for your healing as well.

    8. I felt the need to share my story after hearing your 97.9 interview. I was raped by people on both sides of my family. I found out later after telling my mom that she was paid off by someone to keep quiet. The last time I was 14 and the older cousin was 18. I told, and they swept it under the rug. So, as a result I’m a very reserved and closed off person. I do not like to be around family or anyone for that matter.Yet I’m married with children.

      1. I am 17 years old now, I too have been through some sexual things. It all started when my mother uses to leave me with my cousins’ grandmother I was about 7 or 8 at the time, my two cousins were older: one was two years older and the other was one year older than me both were females. In the first part, we would play like normal children with our dolls. But after a while, they started doing stuff I was not comfortable with. But as the smaller one, I always do what they say. So one day my mother dropped me off, my small cousin said to me “I have something to show you” so I followed her, only for her to show me a bunch of porn videos she found in her mother’s house. I knew it was rude for us to watch them so I told her I was going to tell on her but she said if I tell she was going to tell I was watching too. So I kept quiet and watched them with her. Until she wanted to do some of the things in which she saw in the videos I said” no” and that ’s when my bigger cousin stepped in and started to persuade me into doing it with them at that time I was 9 years old. From the day I said “no” until about two days they did not speak to me but gave me bad eyes and said bad things about me. For those two days I felt lonely, they were my only playmates. Anyways I did whatever they wanted me to for 3 and a half years. My mother finally stopped leaving me over there it was the best day of my life.
        Now during that time I use to follow my niece to look for her grandmother .so she would bring me with her she’s one year older than me. So she had an uncle( I was about 9 or 10)that the both of us would play with her uncle (he was about 14-15). Until he started to place me on his belly. After a while he started to push me down to his male part it was uncomfortable, I figured because I wasn’t related to him he did it to me alone. Because of my past experiences with my cousins, it wasn’t new to me. When it started, whenever she said let go and visit my grandmother I would say no but then again my family and she wanted to know why. I could not tell them I was scared after all he threatened me. It all stopped when they moved. I for one was not glad because it wasn’t somewhere far it was like a 3-minute walk.
        Until this day I still haven’t told anyone, to them I am perfect not having any boyfriend and focusing on my school work. I struggle with low confidence, having fear all the time, can’t open my heart to a boy because am scared. I blamed myself for everything.It took me 10 years to forgive, let go, accept my past. It has made me into who I am today, a child who is discovering new things, conquering the world, ready to achieve my goals and go on my career path. thank you, Ms. Tamar Braxton, I could not have done this without this website the peoples story it helped me to not feel alone.

    9. I to had my life torn apart by being molested & having my virginity took by my brothet& when i told t he one that was suppose to help me i was shit down vd at ten it kept hsppening until age 15 or 16, which led to me seeking solace in countless men& abusive marriage, several abusive relationships, hate & no relationship with my brother, through prayer & some counseling, i have kept my sanity, bit i made a lot of foolish choices not knowing how to deal with the hurt, thank you for sharing your story, and creating this forum.Comme

    10. When I was 12 years old I was molested by my sisters father. He was drunk on night and was on the couch. He came into my room while I was in bed asleep and laid next to me and molested me then left out and I cried out for my mom but she did not hear me because he covered my mouth. When he was done I just cried and I did not tell my mom what he did until a few months later because I was afraid of what might happen and then we filed a police report and he went to jail for a few years. Whenever I see him I get so scared and angry and that moment replays in my mind over and over again. I will never forget it and I try so hard to. I wonder if he remembers what he did to me every time I see him.

    11. At a very young age, I was molested by my first cousin, who is female, and by my aunt, They both took advantage of me around the same time. I said NO to them both. My cousin stopped after I wouldn’t touch her back, but my aunt did not. I’d cry uncontrollably when I was left at my grandmother’s house for the weekend, which is where she lived. If I didn’t touch her back or do other things to her, she would say she is my aunt and I’d have to do what she said and if I didn’t, she would tell my parents and they would spank me. I was so young, I believed her and did as I was told. Finally, after some time, my mom would tell me I did not have to stay if I did not want to. Of course I NEVER stayed again. My cousins never understood why I didn’t want to stay with them on the weekends, and I never told them. As I got older, I was so afraid of telling people NO, I was constantly taken advantage of by boys. I was a very shy, quiet, and invisible young lady. In my early teen years, I became a mother at 16. A year after, I lived in hell for 10 years dealing with extremely violent abuse. He was not my child’s father, but I did end up having two children by him. At age 22, I was the mother of 3 children. No education, living in abuse, scared to leave. After 10 years of pure hell, I made up my mind to leave him. That monster tried to snap my neck in front of my small children. The very next day, I packed up all that I could and with the help of my mom, friend, and explaining my situation to the apartment manager, I got my own apartment. See, in order to do so, I had to work when he was at work and get off before him because he would not allow me to work. I saved every penny and paid 3 months rent. After a year, he found me, kidnapped me, and raped me. Icalled the police and they saw the bruises, my hair missing from being pulled out, but said they couldn’t arrest him (as they’d said the many beatings before) because he dropped me off where he picked me up. I tried to press charges, but his friend was an officer and I’m pretty sure he helped with that being denied. He also showed up on the scene. Needless to say, I now suffer from nightmares, night sweats, fighting, and uncontollable crying in my sleep. He finally left me alone when I got with my current husband. My current husband had to take the phone out of my hands numerous times when he heard my ex screaming at me. My current husband has been nothing but an angel towards me. He has taken lots of beatings from me fighting in my sleep. He holds me and allows me to cry until I fall asleep. He is the best. I pray for complete healing everyday. I’ve prayed and asked God to forgive my ex for all that he has done to me and also asked God to help me forgive him. I’ve done so, but the memories are embedded in my mind. I pray for healing for all you beautiful ladies as well.

  1. He told me I never fought for him when he kicked me and my 1.5 year old daughter out of the house while pregnant. I worked hard to get my marriage back together. But because of his lies, cheating, neglect…I felt lost. he boasts about how his life is better without me, how he enjoys sleeping with other woman… I take it for what it is. He is a Coward. He was always humble, cared and loved me. but now he is an entitled boy with who posts trips on social media but “cant afford” to help his children. What a shame. I will continue to pray for his well being, but never again will I let him rule me. I did fight for you J but now I choose to fight for what’s more important. My children and my life. They matter most.

    1. I think it is funny when your partner says”you did not fight for me,” when the fight would have been with them. There is no way to fight for your partner when your opponent is the partner. It becomes a vicious cycle because any attempts at fighting become the reason for the end of the relationship, it becomes the cause for their negative behaviors that conflict with a monogamous relationship (cheating) and you are blamed for all the wrong in the relationship. When a man wants to leave a relationship and the responsibilities of his children they act like boys; boasting when they have nothing to boast about (hey, I am an irresponsible man and I do not take care of my children), blame others for their bad actions/wrongdoing, and pretends to live in a perfect world. I had just found out that I was pregnant, had a 2 year-old and a 3 1/2 years old when he left on Father’s Day (smile). I wish you well…Comment

  2. Throughout my life I was being bullied because I was different from all the girls in my class . And instead of my classmates encouraging me or uplifting me it turned my heart cold . As I grew older I started to realize that nobody would ever understand the hurt and pain I have went through trying to feel loved or even wanted to be included in something didn’t matter what it was I wanted to be involved . I’m 26 yrs old and still to this day I feel unloved and unwanted because I’m misunderstood . Ppl take what I say offensively or they would say I’m the bad guy because I’m starting to stand up for myself . I don’t want my kids to ever see me down or ever feel like I’m bad because of what others have said . Tamar you make me feel unstoppable and I love you for having this website because I feel like I’m actually included in something . I know words and what ppl say don’t matter but sometimes it hurts . Not only outsiders it’s my family as well . Me and my family are not close whatsoever all because my mom chose to go down the wrong parth and since I’m her child they feel like I’m gonna do the same thing . So in both ways I still feel down but then again I don’t cause I know the God I serve is powerful and I know what I’m going through will not last forever . So once again to my Queen Tamar thank you for this site and I love you so much . Jamesha

    1. I was molested as a child by my friends father. Every time I would go over my friends house to play he would molest me. I didn’t understand what was happening. Eventually they moved. Some years later they moved back and I would see my friend at school. So we reconnected and I decided to go see her at her house. Sure bought that pervert came around to molest me again after all those years. This time I was fed up and I stormed out of her house and I never returned. The sad part about was she knew her dad was doing it. She was right there.

    2. Your story is sort of similar to mine in school I was bullied because I was different … I have a dark bluish greenish birthmark on the side of my face and people gave me hell about it 24/7 I was viciously bullied in school for no apparent all because a mark on my face at a very young age those kids even the teachers really tore me down to the point I’m not the same person anymore years and years I faced verbal abuse at school never was able to make many friends all through school or anywhere I went even church 👀 I was just seen as weak and a nobody because I was timid and quiet to myself you kno and ppl fucked with me cus of that … but truth is I wasn’t weak I was depressed I was in pain hurting mentally …. but it gets fucking deeper I was molested by my dad at the age of 3 I don’t really remember what happened but my mom remember me telling her “it hurted and he touched me “ and Oh Yeahh I was molested 2 others times one by a classmate when I was kindergarten & by my cousin foster child she 13 or 14 and I was 8 or 9 years old the pain continues tho I was raped by my best friend “dude” at the age of 19 & during all this in my childhood my mom was sick with kidney failure always in and out the hospital on the verge of dying and her family treats her like a pile of shit and we were the outcast of the family my grandma made it that way cus she abused my mom & my mom allowed her to abuse us … It’s sooo much shit I went through in life I can go on and on …… it’s seems like I had a long life and I’m only 21 years old but what I can say is I’m very blessed to be smiling and wanted to live to see another day things have gotten better for me besides all the bullying I got all the boys I ever wanted😄😄 when I got older I glowed up I can say … I just have to let that hurt go and accept who I am all the way , I don’t wear makeup Sometimes in public that’s a start I guess …. I gotta get out this shell tho become myself again that’s my only problem but one day I will be tho and share my story with millions I wanna be an recording artist to one day soo I look up to Tamar more than ever for this breaking the chain the family curses and recognizing & understanding your trauma cus it all happens for a reason god has a plan for us we’re warriors 💜❤️🧡

  3. I literally can never find a way to talk about this in public. My therapist knows and a few other people but i can never be strong like you and tell my story. I was sexually assaulted buy my former therapist and 5 guys that she let take turns on me after she drugged me. Not only did her and these guys do everything possible to break me they video taped it and laughed. They have broken me and changed my life and the path i had imagined for myself.

    1. Hi everyone.. I’ll be 40 in a couple of months & I NEVER realize exactly how being molested @3 & raped repeatedly by a family member would still affect my live! I’ve been to therapy on my own because I’ve never told anyone about this! The sad thing is the dysfunction that I had to live with..I’m sitting here thinking why do I still laugh with this cousin? The thinking about keeping a secret is that u have to keep this facade that ur this individual lived with us & my family & I are breaking bread with this demon..I was 5 years why would he choose me? I had 2 other sisters not that I would have wanted that to happened to them but I’m trying to understand why it was me repeatedly.. From an uncle making me play with his genitals at 3 while he touched me inappropriately.. To another family member always grabbing my butt & say inappropriate things to a 11 year a neighbor that took me riding on the back of his bike & took me to a school & tried to rape me at 10 until I started to beg & cry for him to stop & thank God he took me home..from an older man that was married to my cousin to me on a ride on his motorcycle as he did with my & brother & them came back ok..but he wanted me to go last..I’m young didn’t know why..finally its my turn & he took me further than the rest pulled over to am abandoned building & tried to kiss me..a 13-14 year old me..he was in his late 30s probably 40..once about I’m begging for my body to not be violated..saying anything I can ..oh they going to be waiting for us, somebody could see, I’m on my period, I don’t want to, I’m not feeling well, its getting dark..wait I’m not going to cry..its all coming back to me..I’ve NEVER told anyone most of these stories only my hub knows about inappropriate touching at 3 & I time that my cousin “tried” to rape me..& I said tried because I was ashamed.. I didn’t want him to feel disgusted with me or about me..I thought I was over all of this but I guess I was lying to myself & my therapist as I only told her what I told my husband.. & when my husband wants to Mk love to me it triggers agitation & please don’t let him grab a breast or butt out of playfulness.. Especially when I wasn’t expecting it! But I don’t know how to to control myself & tell myself that my husband loves me despite but these other people loved me to so now what the hell does love have to do with it!! I remember during therapy she told me my hw was to share this with my I called my mom IP told her the light stories & then out of nowhere I spit out that her husband my step dad would touch me inappropriately when he would come home drunk..he would touch me but yet call out my moms name as if I’m stupid..I would slap him on his head & say its me& he would jibber jabbish words that I couldn’t understand so I would tried to get up off the couch he would grab me & wouldn’t let me & I would constantly say daddy its me..until after 30 mins he would fall into a drunken sleep but could u imagine lying on a couch & our dad comes behind u talking about to close for comfort..this happened a few times so I guess I was so perfect at keeping secrets I almost didn’t believe he was doing it on purpose.. So back to when that slipped out my mother yelks on the phone oh so now its ur daddy too..that caught me REAL off guard as if I was I started getting defensive & saying more things & she’s just saying No, No, No…I took it as if she’s saying no it didn’t happen..Y’all I have NEVERRRR disrespected my mom & even as I yelled at her crying with hurt for some reason my thoughts were like this still ur mom..I’ve never cried so hard for so long..I hung up on her & I didn’t talk to her for months & me & my mom talked months was a long time..thank God for my hubs being the middle man ..she would call him crying saying that’s not what she meant…that she meant it in a way like in disbelief like no, no, no why u didn’t tell me kinda of way..idk if I believed or not but I told myself this ur mother she was molested as a child..but the relationship took a long time to get back on track with the laughing & joking! Y’all there’s SOOOOOOOOOO much more as I’ve gotten older that the same pedaphiles try as I’m older & married with kids & the thing that I hate is that I never had the strength to confront ANY of them!! Its like I divert back to that scared kid or that what if they don’t believe me, or I don’t want to break up their family because their wives & kids were sweet..if anybody feels the same way please lmk that I’m not alone because I even feel stupid for worrying about them😕 🚨 I want to just say thank u to Tamar for giving us a voice to be heard without the judgment of others..its already hard to come forward & I’m almost 40& no one knows all of this & I don’t think I’m brave enough to ….no u know what I AM BRAVE ENOUGH..I was going to write a book about my life but I tell it better through my voice & speaking to young girls. Women. & even guys because b4 I broke the generational curse my son was molested by the son of my cousin who raped me..& that some ish..Y’all generational curses are real…I grew up catholic so I h8 that something had to happen to my son & it made me go to my non denomination church & this is when I heard about generational curses!! But as I was saying thank u Tamar & the no need TB shame crew for giving us back our power!! #Iamthemostprettiestgirlintheworld #Wearetheprettiestgirlsintheworld
      ✌& Blessings

      1. You are not alone in what was done to you and you also are not alone in how you feel about it now. I, too, was molested by a family member as a child, and as an adult I was almost raped twice by stalkers who lived in the same apartment building as I did. My mom refused to see that my uncle (her brother) was trying to do inappropriate things to me and asking me to do inappropriate things to him. She even told me to go ahead and do things like massage his feet for him when he was drunk and let him grab me everywhere. I was 6 years old when he started this, and I was just out of college when I told my mom that I would no longer be around any of her family if they insisted that that was appropriate. He did it to my younger cousin (his other niece), too, when she was a kid. I don’t know if she ever told anyone else about it. After the day I told my mom I wouldn’t allow this to continue, I have not been in the same place alone with my uncle and have only visited my grandparents (where he lives) when my husband can come with me. It took years of therapy for me to start to feel safe again. My husband knows the whole story and is patient with me in our relationship. I still sometimes get to that scared place, and I still sometimes have to distance myself from people and actions until I feel safe again. But I know that I can count on my husband to love me and respect me. I’m the same age you are. Be gentle and patient with yourself, and open with your therapist and with your husband. It will only hurt more the longer you keep the details to yourself. Glad you took this step of writing your post, and please BELIEVE in your STRENGTH!

      2. Kimberly, my heart break for you as im reading your story i felt a pain im my chest, i think you’ve been through the worst of the worst, i cry as i read your story i can relate to you i was molested by my own father this demon was so heartless i was his only daughter, and the worst is that my mom didnt believed me she choose the demon over her own child it always happens we never, mothers never believed their precious man will do that because their self esteem in low, it haunted me for yrs i run away from home at 16yrs. the house didnt feel like a home no more. I ran from sexual molestation and into a physical abuse from my kids father, he beat me like a step child, and there was no one to rescue me, i would rather take the beating than the sexual abuse it was shameful disgraceful, i feel like trash like nothing no one love me no one want me , i was destroyed as a child 14yrs old, i was running most of my life and a mother that brought me into this world did care where he child was but was taking care of a child molester i ran away from home ,ran from the kids father ran out of the country, still didnt find peace b/c the molestation
        haunts me every place i go it walk with me it talk to me it reminds me of it oh i think i was going crazy eventually the demon died, satan took him and give him a stroke it was the worst stroke ever no therapy cuoldnt bring him back ,he could talk couldnt walk could move his hands pooping on himself suffer till death, i was glad and relief but it still didnt make me happy. eventually i had to seek God my creator, he said child come to me let me give you peace. i join a church and decided to talk to my pastor i had to let it out i had to let it go, i break down and sob in my pastor hand and by this time i was 45 yrs and pastor told me this man is haunting me from the grave, i had to let it go and he cradle me like a baby , he said let me be the father you never had and he council me 3 days a week for a year, eventually i start to let go and let God do his work, Now i stop running im stable I never told my kids buy they all grown college graduates. so thanks Tamra, you are not alone millions of kids went through this baby girl continues to seek God. Kimberly talk to God he will give you peace.

    2. I’m do sorry for what you were subjected to by someone who has sworn an oath to help you find peace and realize you are a beautiful, warm, intellectual, loving person inside, and you deserve to be respected, & loved! NOT abused by anyone ever! The person who committed and enabled / encouraged others to use your mind and body for these sexual atrocities against your will, much less video their crimes against you! I would pray that your current Therapist has informed you of your RIGHT to file charges of RAPE, Sexual Trafficking among other Class A Felonies in the United States of America! Please consider charging these Criminals, for yourself to reclaim your heart, mind and most of all to end being a victim to yourself, if not, for the next victim. FYI: I’m 70 and have raised myself since I was not quite 12 years old when I left home as I was safer on the streets of downtown Los Angels Ca. than in my bed as my (bio) father, a highly admired & decorated career Army First Sargent had been coming into my room at night since I was around about 3 years old. No he wasn’t nice to me other times like some. He beat me till my legs bled when I was 10 and told my mother. Once he broke my jaw when he caught me in a bus station buying a ticket to anywhere running away!
      I placed charges against him that day with the Ft. Bliss Army’s CID (Central Intelligence Department). I was attached to a Lie detector machine with my mom sitting by me, when the MP Detectives left us for about 25 – 30 minutes. While they were gone my mother told me if I go through with the charges, that she wasn’t sure how she would be able to house, feed and clothe me and my two younger sisters. I would learn later that the CID had left to give my father a Lie Detector Test, which he beat, and I was sent to Gainesville State Reformatory for Girls, Texas (now named Gainesville State School for Girls) for runaway and destroying a water cooler inside the Greyhound Bus Station in El Paso, Texas! A few months later I had a complete nervous breakdown, no no family ever came but one time, by mom, for a couple of hours. The rest of the family was at amusement park I found-out later. When I was released, I was sent back to them and their home (he had retired)and they built a house.
      I stayed there maybe a month and left not returning till I was 18. Needless to say I grew-up very fast just to stay alive on those streets & allies downtown L.A.. I was married to a fabulous man who I told everything to before we married in 1968 and he said he still loved me & never would any other human would hurt me like that again! We had three sons and a love so deep I’d never imagined nor believed I was worthy of, waited & even tried to destroy for the first 15 years. Thank God above he never knew, after about 20 years he convinced me with his unconditional love that I was very loved, deserving it and worthy! I signed up for lot of therapy trying to get my head straight, it wasn’t easy nor fast but for really the first time in my life I knew what deserving love FELT ! My husband and I were married 43 + years when he died August 28, 2011 from effects of Agent Orange of bone cancer. I am a widow but I have precious treasured memories now and know I am & was loved! I pray you find your way as that is HOW to NOT be a victim and be a proud, strong, completely healthy whole, able to love & be loved person ! God Bless you !

  4. My biggest secret is that when I was a young child I was molested by my cousin (on my fathers side) multiple times. At the time I did not understand what was happening, my aunt and my father became aware after my aunt walked in on one of the moments at my grandmothers house. She then went outside and told my father. THEY BOTH covered it up and threatened me to never tell a soul… not even my own mother. Even time I was molested it was at my grandmothers house. This went on for over a year. This became the ripple in the water that created more moments in my life where I was sexually assualted.

    1. Renee your aunt and dad was wrong and they should have done something about it especially your dad .I’ve been a rape victim most of my life and now I’m dealing with ptsd and I’m on Facebook book please send me a friend request ..I have a group called for all ..
      I’m here for you sweetie❤


    I am a victim of rape, molestation and abuse throughout my life in and out of foster homes. This is an article of me almost being killed and my adopted parents didn’t care they blamed me saying “if I wasn’t out so late “ some even said I was lying. My whole life I’ve been alone and turned to horrible things to feel that void of insecurity. Today I’m in college striving to build myself i am also married I’m 27 with no family only my spouse .. although It’s still a wet wound I’m striving to heal .. bless you Tamar and lords willing everything goes well with you my instagram is @_milknhunnie_ I know I’m not your caliber of a friend but we can talk anytime even secretly

  6. My mother’s father raped her and conceived me. I am in my forties and just found out a little over a year ago. Most in my family don’t want me to talk about it. And I understand but it’s made me feel very alone. I’m determined to not give up because a few times I wanted to end my life, but I’m not going to give up, I am my mother’s mouthpiece and I am also her mother’s mouthpiece. I’m their mouthpiece. And I appreciate you being our mouthpiece. xo!

  7. When I was 11 my choice was taken from me by a 16 year old boy. At first he said my brother wants some head and I had no clue what that meant at y’all so I said yes. So he then said you can’t just give it to me. He came in my house and to my room. I didn’t want to do it. I was scared. But I had no choice. For days he was coming over. One day I said I don’t want to do this and he said if you don’t I’ll tell everyone you pee in the bed. And so I kept doing it out of fear. This time he brought a condom and he wanted sex. It hurt so bad and my brother happened to be home and I was too loud so he stopped. The next time he brought his cousin and he said he is smaller it won’t hurt. His cousin didn’t want to do it either. As soon as that was gonna happen my mom walked in and I said he won’t leave. To this day my mom doesn’t know what happened. Actually none of my family does. I have been too afraid to say something. It has led to me letting men take advantage of my weakness. They didn’t force me like he did but I still felt afraid to say no. Thank you Tamar for giving me a space to speak freely about this. It means so much.

    1. Don’t let anyone take advantage of you again. Decide TODAY that you are worth spa much more that that!
      Stop the cycle. Save yourself for that good and loving man that will come along when you are ready to be loved in a way that values you as a strong woman.

  8. From age 14-19 years old I was sexually taken advantage of by my youth pastor. He saw that I was desperately in need of a father figure my mom and dad broke up and was no where to be found I found the church as a refuge. He made me feel “special” and “wanted” I tried to many times to get away. I never told because he made me believe it would mess up his family. My family was so engulfed in mom and dad mess no one was paying attention to me. He even use to pop up at my college my freshman year and I was several states away. When I spoke to him last thinking if he apologized I would get the closure i needed, he turned it all on me and told me it was my fault and I came on to him!!! I have been in therapy. I have come a long way since then but sometimes I still feel ashamed and debate on telling my story….

  9. I was sodomized when I was 2. I watched my dad beat my mom. I have been raped, beat verbally mentally and physically abused. I love Tamar and her strength!! Thank you for this Tamar love you lots!!

  10. When I was 5 years I was asked to give oral sec to my uncle by him telling me it was like a popsicle. He touched me and tried to get me to do it by offering me candy and other things. I have never forgot this or told anyone about it. Thanks so much for providing a place for me to talk about it without judgement.

    1. My own father tried to pull that “Strawberry popsicle” trick soon me, but I fought him and tried to bite him. He closed my nostrils with his hand, but I refused to open my mouth and kept breathing through the corners of my lips, clenching my teeth. He kept rubbing himself against my lips until he ejaculated. I had no idea what was going on, but somehow, I knew it was wrong to take my choice away from me. I was 3 or 4 years old. He never tried that particular trick again, but he knew other ways to manipulate me, until I was 12 and stood up to him and stopped from further molestation.

  11. Comment THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU So many times people expect you to be Teflon Tough because of the work that you do or the position that you are in and they forget that you are HUMAN regardless of any and everything, your space gets violated like any other human, you get tried like any other human, you get tested and from all of it can come a testimony. I along with many others have been stripped of our options, and privacy beaten and bloodied, beaten down emotionally and mentally a time or two or ten,and yes being embarrassed is the first phase but being strong and resilient is the final phase because the BOUNCE BACK is Beautiful. THANK YOU for opening up and creating a Love Space for all to see, hear and be apart of. We love you and all of your extra your are my girlfriend in my head and I APPLAUD YOU and your GROWTH. This is the TRUE LEVELUP

  12. I was raped at 6 years old by my teenage cousin and molested by my uncle for years . My family just swept it under the rug . My mom taking in my rapist and my dad still allowing my uncle to remain in our home . I’ve always swore I would be the complete opposite to them and believe any child that ever said anything to me no matter who it was .I’ve since gotten married to the most amazing man and are hoping to become parents through adoption soon

  13. My first sexual experience was of rape. This was a guy that I was seeing for a few months and I was a virgin. We would mess around, but I didn’t want to go all of the way. One day, after saying, “STOP”, he refused and said that I was a tease and that I owed him to finish because he had been patient. I laid there because I’d seen horrific rapes before and I would rather lay there and let him pump away. I now see that I laid down alot in life when I deserved better. I laid down standards, ideas, preferences, etc. all because I didn’t want to feel abused, not realizing that I was eventually abusing myself… Thank God that I’m past all of this as a result of God, prayer, AND therapy! Hopefully my story will help someone stop laying down and settling for less because you’re afraid to stand up for yourself/TRUTH! #NOFEAREVER

  14. I WANNA FIRST SAY AM NOT VICTIM AM A MIGHTY CONQUEROR.MY 1ST COUSIN SEXUAL MOLESTED ME AT THE AGE OF 12,13,14. Three years of pain I his from my family my other one day caught him on top of me and still I his the truth and said he lied. I began to act out I even ran away. My own mother didn’t stand my side she it was not to press charges on him. All because she was afraid of what my family would think. At the age of 19 I thought I had found the love of my life again we where two peas in a pod. Until I started work and got my own car be began to abuse me black my thighs bite my arms lock me in the house all alone for hours because he said I was begin to wild and all I want to do was be with friends that I made at school. He was cheating so some days he would come home and just fight on me. I tired to leave him but he found me at Walmart one day put in the car took me in a alley and riped all my clothes off he punch and kicked me for leave him that why he was beating me he said. As I sat there balled up covering my face I realized this isn’t love. HE then moved us in our own apartment. I found he was cheating had the girl the street in my home having sex in my bed my neighbors told me. I started packing my things thinking he’s at work when he came home and caught me he pushes me down and kicked and punched on me for hours then he raped me. I need a way out I got on my knee and I cried out to nobody but GOD AND ASKED HIM TO PLEASE REMOVE HIM.AND HE DID I WAS FREE AT LAST FROM 8YEARS OF PAIN FROM PEOPLE I THOUGHT LOVED ME. I CAN NOW SAY AT 25 I HAVE FINALLY FORGIVEN BOTH PARTIES AND GAINED CONTROL OF MY LIFE AND SANITY. REMEMBER FORGIVENESS IS NOT THEM BT FOR YOU BE BLESSED!!!

  15. It has been 25 yrs ago since I was abused by my eldest son’s father. He started abusing me after almost a year into our relationship he also mentally abused by telling me nobody else would want me and how ugly I was and this went on for about 4 yrs and then I got pregnant and he still hit me during my pregnancy and when I was 8 and a half months pregnant he hit me for the last time. When he left for work I packed up as much as I could and left him. He stalked me, he would just show up wherever I was and just make a scene it was crazy and I was still afraid of him but I realized I was stronger because I finally stood up for myself and my son and got out of the situation I didn’t date for 2 yrs after having left him I just concentrated on finding myself again the super positive, confident young lasy that I was before the relationship and on raising my beautiful son by myself. My son has grown into an awesome young man, strong, brilliant, successful young man that treats women like the queens we deserve to be treated.

    My NO was taken when I was 19. I had not voiced it but I had my own apartment and my at the time boyfriend was abusive and had been removed by the police. I needed the locks changed and my child father came to running to help. After the locks were changed he showed up after midnight drunk. Stupidity I opened the door and he took my no. I feel like it was my fault because I should’ve never asked for help and never opened the door.

  17. I’m A 20 Year old male ( 21 In december) .. When i was 4 My mom Went to her friend house with me and my brother .. There Multiple friends of my mom was there and 1 brought her son & on the couch he made me suck his penis . at the time he was 12 . He got caught But the incident was swept under the rug . He’s still around in family functions because our moms are so close . I Want to ask why did he do it & what did he get out of it besides taking something from me that i didn’t even know i had the control over. As Years(3) Went by I can remember My brother telling my older cousin(16) about the incident and i remember later that day he made me do the same thing . This proceeded to be an ongoing thing for 2 years due to him going to jail for gun charges … Nobody knows that this has happened and i want to tell my mom mom cause she’s asked have anybody else has did anything to me i lie and say no. and he died in 2014 & now that older step cousin is dead and if i was to speak on it i feel as if i would be considered a “ liar “ and have no proof so i feel trapped to keep that in and act as if it happened. at 14 My Barber who was Also a cousin ( at least 35+ never been sure of his name ) Started to touch on me while cutting my hair exposing himself to me . Never told anybody because i would feel so embarrassed that people would know. Tho it could be my story it’s just … opening up to ANYBODY to know you that deep is the scariest thing . Love you tamar & so proud of you ❤️ one day i’ll get that courage!

  18. I completely understand where you are coming from I was molested by my step dad at the age of 11 for a few years then I finally felt comfortable enough to tell someone they promised they wouldn’t say anything but before I knew it the whole family knew I was distraught all over again bc I finally was at point where I thought I could trust someone with my secret and they broke a promise by sharing it with others behind my back so I felt betrayed I couldn’t trust anyone some family members didn’t believe me some jokingly laughed about it and that situation still affects me today I’m a work in progress but thanks for speaking your truth bc now ima speak mine

  19. I never told anyone ever, but since I was 7 years old up until 12 I was raped almost every night by my step father. The first time I felt uncomfortable around his is when I was six and our car wasn’t big enough. I had 4 other brothers and sisters and I was the youngest so I had to sit in front on his lap while my mother drove the car(his license was suspended) I remember not knowing what was going on but I felt really uncomfortable and disgusted. He would get enjoyment of me sitting on his lap. I could feel him poking my body with our clothes on. I didn’t know what it was or what was going on. I just knew I didn’t like it. So whenever we had to go anywhere in that small car with him I would beg and cry not to go. Fast forward a year or so, My mother got a night job and he was home with us at night one night I woke up and went to the bathroom and the tv light was in his room I peeked in thinking my mother was back home. He was sitting on the bed. He said leelee come here and watch tv with me. I didn’t want to but was afraid to say no. I sat on the bed and he started to fondle me and then forced himself on my and held my mouth closed. It was the most horrifying painful, embarrassing experience. When he was finished he carried me to my room and I just stared at the wall all night. I didn’t even go to sleep. He would find times to rape me when everyone was asleep on not around. Everyone thought this pig was a great man because he was good to my mother who had 5 kids. He would take things out on me and beat me with extension cords and one time he even punched me in my nose making my nose bleed my siblings and mother was around and NO ONE did anything about it. I hated and I think I still hate my siblings because they should’ve known he was doing this to me. I was the youngest and only 5 when it started. I love my mother but hate her for working too much to not even realize what was going on with the monster she married. I turned into the mouthy problem child because I just didn’t give a fuck. I said whatever I wanted to say and didn’t care about anyone’s feelings. I moved out away from my whole family at 17. I rarely have anything to do with my family. Im 36 the mother of two beautiful girls and married to my best friend since I was 22. I have a great life but just when Think about how great my life is I’m mortified and embarrassed and have nightmares and flashbacks about what has happened to me. That’s my story. I’ve been a fan of you since you were in the group with your sisters I purchased all of your albums since then. I know every song you have put out or sung on. When society tries to tear you down I’m always standing with you because you remind me of myself. I’m always the bad guy. Thank you also Tamar for sharing your truth. I love you!💕😘❤️

  20. Tamar I love you so much, but after seeing you tell your story shows me why there is a deeper connection I have with you I was molested multiple times by my older brother I got sexually harassed twice in my young age of 22 At work and I have been ashamed not knowing what I truly like sexually because I was taken advantage of it’s been the hardest thing to deal with and to cope with but listening to your music and singing has helped me through my entire life. I wanted to share with you that I understand and support you.

  21. Its a shame that as women as we have things done to us that we have to basically just “Get Over It”, my story is long and heartbroken. But how hard can it be to get over it, well let me tell you how hard it is….
    Its hard to be abused from the time you can talk till your 13 and no one believe you. It is hard to have your choice taken from you not once or twice but 3 times cause you dont get along with your mom and you are kicked out on the streets. Its hard that your own parent would use you to get ahead in life for her to make it in life. Its not your choice to get married and then experience abuse again at the hands of your husband for 13 years. Because you do not have the knowledge of what love is. When someone women would of committed suicide, some would of been on drugs and someone would of been a product of their own environment. I decided to be a great mother, a great person and go back to school to continue my education. I love being a mother , a good person and just being ok with my past. I have been tested time and time again by god, but who am I to question what has happened to me. I believe I will have instilled in my children to be great people and to put god first. Yes all these bad things have happened to me… But I have overcome each and everyone of them.

  22. When I was 13 years old I was molested by a 56 year old. How does this happen and why was a 13 year old alone with a 56 year old? Well my mom was drinking most days and my dad had left so it was just me trying to get by. How much was my innocence worth to him a pack of cigarettes. He thought seen he bought me those I owed him and that gave him the right to touch me. I went on and life and was taking advantage of because I had no one and maybe to people that made me a target and easy because who would help me but I’m here and I made it. I have 3 beautiful boys and a husband that loves me through it all.. I am a survivor. Thanks for letting me tell my story.

  23. I’m 28 years old. I was molested by an uncle who was the father figure in my life. My mom was and still is on drugs and couldn’t care for me and he took advantage of it. He told me as a child that if I told ANYONE (even my dad)that he would kill them all. I truly believed he would. As I said I’m 28 married with a 6 year old son and I am just now comfortable with a man loving me! I use to be so ashamed of my body and scared to let people love me! But no more! God has brought the greatest MAN to me and I’m so Thankful!

  24. When I was 3 years old my parents were heavy drug users so they decided out of all my siblings that they couldn’t raise me because I was the youngest. They dropped me off to my grandmas house and for years I was abused by my cousins who lived with me. Not just one cousin but 2. Then as I got older I started going to my mom house with my older siblings I was abused by my cousin on my dad side. It got so bad I just wanted to die. I remember one time in particular my cousin on my dad side made me suck his penis and he peed in my mouth. I was so sick I started vomiting. One day I decided to tell my brother what was going on including the incident with him peeing in my mouth. My brother asked my cousin and he said no and that was the end of that. My brother basically took his side and left me to continue to get abused. I refused to tell anyone else because I thought the one person I trusted didn’t believe me so why should I say anything if no ones going to believe me. It didn’t stop until I got old enough to fight back and find my voice. I remember thinking what makes a person attracted to a little kid you have to be a sick individual to want that. I understand that they say people who have been abused tend to abuse others but that doesn’t make it right. It makes you just as sick because you know how it feels to be in that position I haven’t really started sharing my story until 5 years ago when I met the man of my dreams . I have to constantly talk him down when we go around family because he thinks I’m still in contact with these individuals at reunions and things but I’m not. I couldn’t stomach being around these people. Thank you for allowing me and others this platform to get our stories out. Love you Tay Tay. Tamartian for life.

  25. I first want to say thank you God for Tamar. I feel like every time you ho through something its identical to my life. This forum is perfect. I’ve held this family secret for years. I was molested by my only brother who was six years older than me. We were close but it was almost like I seperated him from the demon he became at night when was typically the times I was attacked. It took me years to come to terms with the fact that I was not well and that I needed to seek some kind of counseling. I gained a tremendous amount of weight and learned thst obesity is often directly tied to sexual abuse. That eating was a form of comfort. I began to talk more but people weren’t listening, soo i crawled back into that safe place under my weight. Then this story hit about Tamar. I felt less ashamed and more powerful. I am gonna get back to counseling and love me and be proud of me. As I finish this thought with tears in my eyes. I will no longer be a prisoner to someone else’s demons. I will be free to love me adequately! Thanks again.

  26. When I was young I was molested by my mother’s husband. I finally got the courage to come forth in 4th grade. Everything was hard at first so many eyes at school and rumours. Eventually after everything seemed to be cooling off. My mother allowed him back into the home and everything seemed to go back to normal, as before I had said anything. For everyone except me. I came forth again in as a freshman in high school. I was afraid of saying anything to anyone including my offender which is why it happened again. In high school I finally found the courage in a moment of rage of my life at that moment. I then forth on was very confused about a lot. I thought any Male looking my way wanted me and all I wanted was to feel wanted, but also any Male that tried to speak to me I am immediately rude and abruptly aggressive in getting them away. I still struggle today with my emotions. When I graduated from high school and went off to college. There was this guy older than me that was flirting and trying to talk to me. I was very on edge and mean. My friend said she knew him and he was nice that I should be nicer. We all went as a group to study in the computer lab. He said he was hungry and wanted to get something eat. My friend told me to go with him and get us something to. Shortly after leaving I realized he was very strange and driving all over, he suddenly had so many errands to run. He almost raped me in that car. I didn’t get back to my dorm til 1a.m and wehad left at 9. I went into a deep depression at that school, as there were many things against me. I came home after college and decided to go to a community college near my home. I met a girl at work, we became very close and I started staying at her house. Where I met her brother, we started dating everything seemed good. One night as one of there cousins were visiting. He was flirting with me but I was stand of offish as I was dating his cousin and I don’t really gravitate to new people. I guess he thought I was giving him signs that I wanted him. He came in while i was sleep and raped me. When i finally got him to stop he just says he thought I was leading him on that I wanted it. I just suppress these events and try to move beyond them now.

  27. I was molested by my step father from age 9 or 10 up until I was 14. I found the courage to tell my aunt when I was about 12 or 13 but what I didn’t know was that this wasn’t the first time he’s done something like this. I still struggle with resentment and trust for men at the age of 24. Although I struggle my biggest fear is that he could be doing it to someone else right now and I can’t help them. I never want anyone to go through that. It’s never ok for someone to take your innocence. I appreciate everyone who is able to express their stories. Maybe you want to heal or maybe you want to help someone else heal no matter what it’s appreciated. It wasn’t your fault

  28. My sexually abused started at the age of 3 up into I was 7 years old. By my mom’s brothers, And for so long I blamed myself, I was ashamed.. And the only reason I told was because I tried to save someone else.. But she was a grown up I thought he would hurt her like he told me he would if I told someone. Then my cousin on my dad side raped me multiple times I was 13 he was 28 I gotten pregnant and didn’t even know until I was 5 months..I couldn’t get rid of her..18 years later she is here I love her unconditionally even neither one of us asked her to be here.. My life has been full of pain and scars.. But the good thing is my heart is still pure cuz I let it be..Its broken but I still love with every crack.. We survive the darkest moments like the stars. Thank you Tamar I been living in guilt for my whole life Thank you for this platform

  29. Hi, umm I was never sexullay abused but I was mentally and verbally abused. I can’t even say was I still am by my dad. When it first started to happen it made me depressed and I felt bad about myself all of the time. So much that it led to self harm. I’m upset that I let him have that much power over me. When I first heard Tamar’s song Prettiest Girl, I cried because through the length of the song, I forgot all about what my dad ever said.

  30. Hello. I’m a 38 year old mother of three that has been beaten, lied to, cheated on, and left with nothing. To make matters worse I have epilepsy and have been hospitalized several times once in ICU with no one in sight to even show that he even remotely cares. I still carry this pain around and it is starting to consume me.

  31. I am 23 I was abused by my father , my brother an cousin I held on to the secret for 21 year till my father passed away I didn’t tell anyone because I loved him as a father an didn’t want to see him go to jail ..threw my silence I allowed other abuse Idk why . I told my mother when I was 21 this happens when I was Idk maybe 6 n cont . Her reaction was not what I needed he was already dead so all she could do is curse his name n she went to sleep.. an I got a sorry I realize their childhood pain prevent them from giving me what I needed . At this point I’m doing decent for myself on my own it hurts everyday but I’ve forgiven I’ve excaped pyshicly but mentally I’m still trapped by it . Growing up my mother never understood she neglected me emotionally over an over again .. every weekend I would have to visit my father .. even tho screaming n crying she would send me I never told her but damn I forgive her we talk every day but never about it . My relationships falling about because my lack of communication or upbringing it’s a lot more but the mental escape is wait I’m searching for now .

  32. Were do i start when i was 14 i was rapped by a boy that went to school with me i thought was my boyfriend. I had my first child at 18 the mental abused started then I had my second son at 21 the physical abused started here this man stand the father of my first 2 kids locked me in the house and beat me for 3 hours with a broom a mop his fist bunred me with cigarette took my dairy invaded my privacy my darkest moments at the time my second son was in the hospital and had been in there since he was born so here it is my son 3rd month in the hospital I’m already in a emotional state now come the the physical and mental abuse i never told anyone of what i been threw. This have always been a emotional situation but knw that i have 6 kids and 2 of them are girls i have to talk about it so they can know when someone is miss treating you or if they fell that someone is they can come talk to me. Abuse is Abuse rather its physical mental or emotional

  33. When I was in middle school my mom had a boyfriend and he would sneak in my room and hand me her phone because I was too young to have one then he would send texts to the phone that I never replied to and when I showed my mom she called me in the room and said he said I started it even though I had proof she looked at me like she didn’t believe me and a couple of years later the same mane would sit outside my room window and masturbate and I can still hear those noises and the things he said in my head all the time and he would come in the house after he finished and throw money on my bed and leave and I have been so quiet pretending it didn’t happen but I’m 20 now and it still makes me sick to my stomach.

  34. Hello! My name is Kendrica Gladden. I was touched inappropriately as a child by a family member and I am now 31 years of age and I just told my mom about it when I turned 30. As if that wasn’t bad enough I didn’t have my father around for 26 years of my life. Every relationship I’ve ever been in, they cheated on me, verbally abused me and I accepted it because I felt like I just had to have a man in my life to make up for my father’s absence. I started a ministry called UnderneathMyPretty. You know we as woman sometimes tend to walk around looking all pretty on the outside but can have so much chaos going on within. I wanted to inspire women to pull out everything that has hurt them, everything that lies underneath…basically pull the mask off. I want the way they feel on the inside to match the way they look on the outside. I’m sorry you had to go through what you went through and I’m praying for you!

  35. I was abused by two past ex’s every way possible until I took my power back being a victim of abuse myself physical, verbal, sexual, and mental I felt I was worthless and tried to end my life but I crawled out of that dark place and took my power back and am stronger now

  36. CommentWhen I was 8, my grandmother’s husband came into my room and acted like he wanted to watch a movie with me and began to tell me how big I was getting. He touched parts of my body that no one should ever touch on a child. He is still a deacon at the church and has remarried after leaving my grandmother. From there I thought I was taking my power back over the past 18 years by having sex with whoever I wanted. I contracted an STI when I was raped at 13. I still feel dirty everyday and I have finally reached a place in life where I can truly take back my power by putting my friends up on game and speaking up and out against predators. It may take a lifetime, sis. But you can win!

  37. My story caused a huge set back for me. I remember being that girl that no one ever wanted to date – my skin tone was a huge part of the reason. At one point in my life I was almost sure no man would ever have interest in me and I was ok with that, I lived my life everyday happily as a teen party promotor even tho i wasn’t really a teen yet. One day I got this message on Instagram from a friend asking me to talk to one of his friends I explained to him of my fear of me but me thinking to myself this doesn’t happen to me often I messaged his friend. We wrote eachother on MySpace everyday,but I was so afraid to chill with him, one year on Thanksgiving 2012 he asked to come eat with me and my family, my family never seen a man around me so I thought hey this would be perfect! When he got there we we’re so close as if we’ve known eachother our entire lives.After that day he started to come see me everyday, it took me several months to really get used to him but he stuck with me until i was completely use to him, several months past & everything was still so perfect! One day someone randomly walked up to me at school & ask me was I the guys girlfriend, me not knowing what to say I just was looking at her, she asked me again & the second time i replied YES she went alone to ask me do we use protection when we have sex, I said Yea (which was a lie, I wouldn’t just tell a complete stranger my business). She continues to say that my boyfriend gave her cousin an Std and implied that i go get check, right after me & the girl conversation ended I called him crying, I told him if A std comes back I was going to kill him, After I hung up with him I went to a walk in clinic and told them i needed to get checked for All stds , it came back that I had chlamydia I was so hurt, I wanted to die, I thought it was God punishing me for having sex at 16. He ask me to never tell my parents,family,or friends. We went thru alot of things that I weren’t allowed to speak about to my family, I had a miscarriage at home in my bed, he cleaned it up& asked me to never speak about it to no one, despite all the things I’ve been through with him the last two things could have took me out! This guy had a gilfriend, he also fucked a girl in the car & got her PREGNANT! ALL WHILE SLEEPING UNDER ME – AT THIS POINT WE HAVE BEEN TOGETHER FOR 10 YEARS!!!! For a while i couldn’t eat a thing, couldn’t sleep, sometimes it felt like i couldn’t breath, I would randomly go crazy trying to figure out how he had another girlfriend? How long? And where have she been all this time? I also struggle because he was my dairy, my listening ear, my shoulder to cry on , I was the perfect friend & lover to him now I’ll never get to experience love- he took that away from me & also fucked up my mental! I don’t wish this on anyone it doesn’t matter how long you’ve been with someone if there are any signs of abuse get out of there

  38. Tamar, you’ve really inspired me to tell my own story so here it goes…
    All my childhood I thought the inappropriate things people were teaching me was normal and some of these people I trusted with my life.
    I was doing sexual acts, watching inappropriate videos, and was even abused by multiple people at the same time. There was only that ONE time when someone got caught for abusing me but nothing was done and no one ever spoke about it again, like it never even happened. Even when I got a little older I would catch family members looking at me up and down..and they wonder why they don’t see me anymore.
    Not only was I sexually abused but physically and mentally abused as well. I grew up with my parents fighting all the time and me having to take my siblings to my room because they were scared and crying, I was too but I had to be there for them. I wasn’t even 18 yet.
    A while back my boyfriend and I left together to a different state, crazy young love. While we were there he physically abused me.
    When we came back home he still abused me.
    When our families sat down we all talked and they didn’t want us together. All they said was I wouldn’t be able to file against him because I abused him too. What’s a 5 foot woman defending herself gonna do to a 6’2 man who used to play football?
    I still chose to be with him until this year. We got married (in Vegas) and have 3 children now.
    I didn’t know sexual abuse could happen in marriage either, let’s just say I know what painal is now… but it’s not just physical anymore it’s what’s on the inside that hurts even more.
    It’s to the point where apologizing just isn’t enough anymore.
    Even his family acts funny with me. We argued in the past and we didn’t talk for almost 2 years. I can tell they still hold a grudge. They even pick my son as their favorite grandchild and always want to hang out with only him and not my daughters. I’m not stupid I’m 100 percent empath. I called them out on it but my husband always just tells me I’m “trippin” and starting drama and defends everything his family does no matter what it is. Family first right?
    It hurts when other people say just leave because I love him Tamar with all my heart and soul but I’ve gotten to the point where I want to leave, but I’m not financially able to. I know that’s my fault and I’m doing what I can to help myself and my children.
    I’m not gonna lie there’s been lots of times when I messed up too but at least I learned my lesson, asked for forgiveness, and tried my very best to be a better person every day.
    I’ve forgiven all the people who’ve abused me in any way (still don’t talk to them) but sometimes those horrible memories just pop back into my head.
    It makes me think about my children, their whole lives ahead of them and always doing whatever it takes to protect them so they don’t live the ugly life I did.
    Sometimes I just cry and wonder why I was abused my whole life.
    I’ve always felt so lonely and heartbroken because I’ve never told anyone all of this my whole life until now.
    Thank you for reading and hearing me out without judgment.
    God bless you Tamar and everyone who read this.
    You are special and made for so much more. xo

  39. Hello I am 27. After having my third child put me in a uncomfortable space with myself. Memories come back to haunt me everyday. I was 3 years old when I was molested by a family member, again at 8 by someone my mother trusted in her house it was something that kept going on.i cry and cry because I feel no one feels my pain. I am broken I have made mistakes in my life I feel as though because of those actions. I have a father who won’t look me in my eyes and listen to his daughter talk or cry out for his help. These past days I’ve felt alone and harmful but won’t do anything because of my children but I’m saying this to say I did seek help and I will be talking to someone from this day forward.

  40. I was molested my whole childhood by uncles, cousins and even one of my moms boyfriends. I hated myself. I blocked out those years of my life so that I have very few memories of my childhood. It pains me to hear my brothers talking and “remembering the time when…” and I can’t. I Had no value on my body and gave it away way too many times for me to even count. I’ve only shared with a my now husband, but not entirely. I am ashamed. Ashamed of how I allowed that hurt and abuse to define me. Ashamed of how many times I shared my body. I pray for forgiveness right now. I am a Christian and I know God will grant me the peace and forgiveness that I desperately seek.

  41. I was in the third grade and I spent the night at my aunts house. I pretended to be asleep. The man was supposedly my grandfathers brother. I remember as if it was yesterday. He was drunk and had just walked my cousin to her apartment across the street. He stumbled back in and I prenteded I was asleep thinking he would go to his room. He did not. He came over to me and put his hand in my underwear and began to feel my private parts. I just laid there feeling very confused and scared. I feared that if I would speak up in that moment that he would try more and hurt me more. I was frozen. I couldn’t move. I felt powerless and small. I was only nine years old and I could not understand why a grown ass man would want to touch me there. The next morning I awoke terrified to move. I just laid there praying my aunt would wake up and take me home. I refused to eat anything that day. I went home and never told anyone what had happened to me until years later when I was 12. I wrote my mother a letter before I went to school because I could not handle telling her face to face. To this day I am getting ready to turn 20 and I am afraid of being alone with any man. It doesn’t matter who it is. I’m scared for my little sister , my nieces , and any other little girl who becomes prey to sick old men. I pray everyday that no one hurts my son. I am so scared to send him anywhere without me because I feel someone is gonna hurt my baby the way I’ve been hurt. I ask that god brings closure to me one day. The man still denies any wrong doing and it’s never been talked about. I pray god unhardens my heart towards men because I am truly afraid. I hope my story touches someone.

  42. Growing up, I lived in a two family house. My family lived on the second floor and my aunt and her family lived on the first floor. I was about 10 years old, the first time that my aunt’s husband touched me. I remember asking him to turn on the basement light for us (a pull string), he instead lifted me up for me to pull the string as he cupped and fingered my private area. In the next few years, as I started to noticeably develop, he would “accidentally” bump into me, brushing up against my backside or breast. I told my parents what was going on and the first question was, did I tell anyone else in the family? I said no, that I had only come to them first. What followed made me feel as if somehow, this was all my fault. Even more so, I was made out to be a liar. This continued for a couple of more years – it went from brushing up against me, to showing me nude magazines and telling me that I would look like those women some day. One time I even caught him looking through our window as I was getting dressed for school. Since telling my parents didn’t seem to make a difference, I decided to confide in one of my other aunts – that was an even bigger mistake! For the remainder of my childhood and well into my teen years, I was known as the problematic child of the family. Was treated by everyone as if I was “impossible” to deal with. Can you imagine that shit?!?!? I live in the house with a molester AND I’M THE PROBLEM?!?!?!? I learned early on, that I needed to be there for ME. It was quite apparent that my family could not protect me and for damn sure didn’t care enough to even try. At 41, I still have to see this man at family functions as he is still married to my aunt. Want to know the crazy part – he will still attempt to come over and say Hi to me and my family. This asshole was allowed to remain married into a family I was born into – HOW does he have a place in my family, but I don’t?!?!?! Those are the type of things that would run through my mind all the time. THANKFULLY, I have a husband who I was willing to share my story with. He helped me heal from now only the molestation, but also from the lack of loyalty, respect and protection from my family. After healing though, I realize that family isn’t always the one you are born into. And even though I still have to see him at family functions – I’m no longer fearful of ignoring the shit out of him and made sure my daughters know to stay the f&*k away from him and his family.

  43. When I was about Four or five years old I was going to a daycare. Every day at the daycare a ten year old boy would push me up against the wall and hump me. Also if we were in the car going to the grocery store he would make me touch his penis and told me not to be scared. I remember being so sad and telling my mom I didn’t want to go back without giving her a reason so this went on for a year. He would do this to me before he would go to school and after school, and the whole summer. Then when I was about seven or eight I was molested by my cousin. Her and her friend tied me down at her birthday party, they took my clothes off and proceeded to touch me. The whole entire time they were laughing. It almost felt like torture. They wouldn’t let me go. I was tied up until my dad came and picked me up. Then I was molested my by uncle when I was twelve. I told my mother about it he was arrested. I talked to a prosecutor. My aunt who was married to him ( my mother’s sister) told me to my face she didn’t believe me. Her and his family ended up bailing him out of jail. My mother decided to not let me go through with the case. So I had to see him everyday because he lived across the street. In January he died and my mom attending his funeral. My mom always told me to not speak on what happened. She would tell me that it is in the past so move on. She would tell me I would have to be tough. Dealing with bullying as well lead me to sucidal thoughts, I wanted to be a prostitute, a stripper. I really did hate myself at one point. Now I am still struggling and every once in a while I do still think about committing sucidal and getting depressed. I have no friends because I don’t communicate with people anymore, I lost my personality, I lost myself when everything happened.

  44. Comment Thank you for telling your story and giving me the strength to tell mine I’ve have never told anyone my father molested me on my birthday when I was 8 years old and then again when I was 13 and I still have problems dealing with it I have a hard time with my husband touching me at times and im scared to tell him why.Thank you Tamar you are wonderful and beautiful

  45. 2 days ago, I got sexually taken advantage of. I don’t want to go too much into detail because it’s still fresh and I’m still trying to process everything. After it happened, I couldn’t really figure out what happened to me, I didn’t want to use the word rape, because I hate feeling like a victim. I hate feeling sorry for myself. He pulled my shirt up and started to suck on my nipples, I pushed him away and I said no. I told him I did not want to have sex with him and he said “but I’m horny” and I replied “well, I’m not”. He pinned me and put my on my back and held my hands down and continued, he continued to suck on my nipples and he pulled my pants down. I tried to pull my pants back up but he continued to keep pulling them down, and he took his penis out of his pants and put it inside of me. He said “put your tongue down my throat” “I’m inside of you”. I kept telling him to stop and I begged but he continue. I felt powerless. I just laid there after a while and let him keep going until he stopped. When I was 12, this happened to me, but the guy at the time didn’t have sex with me, but instead pinned me down and got on top of me and tried to force his penis in my mouth. I am now 20 years old and it’s now hitting me, it’s now sinking in that this happened to me. There’s time I cry, there’s times going to sleep is difficult, I sit in class and I feel the way he touched me and it all replays in my mind. Every day I wake up, I relive it over and over again. There’s times I’m angry, there’s times I’m sad, and there’s times I don’t really feel much. Today in my theology class they brought up sexual assault as a topic and it brought my mind to that place again. I ran across your page and it reminded me of that place again. I’ve only told 3 people in my life, so I feel as if this is a sign from the universe that my story needs to be told. I’m not ready to speak upon it, so for now I’ll do it anonymously. Thank you for this website.

    1. Find a good therapist. Talk it out. It was not your fault. You have a right to your own choice. Don’t let anyone take away your choice. You are not alone.

  46. I’m sharing my story because its time to allow my past to help someone who may be going through similar situations. It’s time to finally be completely free from my past. To break the silence. I was around four when my father first molested me. Molestation turned into rape. He was also physically abusive as well. I couldn’t tell anyone because he said he would beat me if I did. (You have to remember I was a child). Two years later I told my younger brother, I told him not to tell anyone. He told my older brothers who had me tell my mother. I remember when he got home she asked me to come into the room. She confronted him and he denied it, she asked me in front of him and he would shake his head for me to say no while she wasn’t looking at him. she told him she would take me to the doctor the next day to find out. My mother had left, later that night my father beat me with his fist because I told. He ended up doing not enough time. That’s not the end of my story.
    I was then raped by three of my cousins, they took turns. I told my mom about one of them, she then told her sister. His mother did nothing but beat him, so I never said anything about the other two, because I knew nothing would be done. However, they know I remember. I was then bullied by the two older brothers. Nope still not it.
    My mother ended up getting a job out of state. She left us in the custody of one of our older cousins who we called Auntie. Literally the same day my mom left she started physically abusing us. Just to get an idea I was once beat with a wooden back scratcher for forgetting to put a piece of cheese on a sandwich. That was the first time I tried to commit suicide. I just ended up passing out on the floor and later beat because she thought I was asleep. I remember my younger brothers and I running away to my real aunt’s house, who returned us to our abusive situation. When my mother returned she fought to get us back.
    Once my mother had us back into her custody she introduced us to her then boyfriend. He seemed pretty cool, until he started molesting me. He would wake me up in the middle of the night while everyone was sleeping and touch on me. He said if I ever said anything he would burn the house down with everyone inside. When we would visit his parents, his father would molest me. I said something and was told to stay away from him. I hated life and everything about it. I was became numb, so many silent cries unheard, I had given up. The molestation didn’t stop until my mom stopped seeing him. I was around 14 by that time I was so screwed up.
    I never received counseling. I would stay in my room all day with the door locked, my mom wouldn’t know if I was home or not. I would smile and seem normal in front of people, but while alone I would hurt myself. I would make little cuts on my arm. I would burn the inside of my hand with a lighter. I spent many nights crying, feeling alone, worthless, no one to talk to. Once a group of kids found out about my father raping me and made fun of me about it. I was ready to die. I couldn’t understand what I did to deserve such a horrible life. I began to question if there was really a God. I can honestly tell you yes there is a God. He was the only one who could bring me back from the hell I was in. Rape is a sin but it’s not your sin, it’s the sin of the person who harmed you against your will. Read Deuteronomy 22:25-26

  47. I was molested when I was 7 by an older cousin who came to live with us to go to school. It went on for months with him not only molesting me but mentally and physically abusing my sister and I. Eventually my teacher noticed I was acting weird and sent me to the social worker and that’s when everything came to light. I used to beg family members to allow me to go to work with them so we would not be alone together. I definitely feel I am a much stronger person now and I try not to let that affect me. I have had a boyfriend of my mom feel me up in my sleep and lie about it. I encourage anyone going through these things please speak out don’t let them take your voice as well as your right to choose. Shout it from the rooftops they are the problem not you!

  48. I’m not an abuse survivor, I know several people that are. I just wanted to take a moment and say that this is an awesome thing that you are doing here. It’s so courageous of you to take you power back by telling your story. Lord willing you will be an inspiation for others(male & female) to take their power back also. Much love and continued empowerment to you. Let’s shine a big a** light on this issue so that the rocks that these slimballs live under can be flipped over. 💖💋💖💋💖💋💖

  49. I think this is an amzaing thing you are doing. SO often people hold on to these type of secrets for fear of judgment or backlash. Having a space where people can release these pint up emotions without fear of persecution is wonderful.

    With that being said. I was with a man when I was 18. Over the course of our 4 year relationship I came to realize he typically abused me on a regular basis. There were many time that I refused him sexually and he would beg, beg, and then as a last resort pry my legs open. I would eventually surrender to him even when I initially told him no. I didn’t think then this could be abuse because again we were in a committed relationship.

    The sexaul abuse later turned physical and it was then I planned my escape (yes escape I had to run from him) and I have never looked back.

    I now have 5 children with my husband four of which are daughters, although that period of my life is over I am glad I can talk to my daughters about their strenght and power. They never have to surrender for fear of what a man might think or say. Also they will understand what sexual, physical, and emotional abuse is on all levels. IT doesn’t matter who you are. A violation is a violation.

    I hate that I had to go through something like that, but if it were only to save my daughters from experiencing the same thing, I am at peace.

  50. My rights to say NO was taken away by a man I once called my uncle. At such a young age he made me feel like that was repayment to him being nice to me. I must admit it continued into my adult life, but as soon as I got educated about what it was, I finally got the courage to stand up for myself and say NO. And by saying no, it resulted in him not speaking to me again. But I’m free now and I’ve learned that, that is never a way to repay someone being nice to you. He took advantage of me but that is no more.

  51. First I want to say thank you Tamar for this space.

    I can’t remember much from my childhood, like I can’t remember when my cycle started. I don’t remember birthdays. I’m not sure if that’s my minds way of protecting me from my memories or what. But I do remember him, Ezra Donnel Payton. He was my moms husband, they met in California and moved here to Atlanta. I was in first grade and since I needed stability for the first year I lived with my aunt in Hinesville until my mom and him found a place to stay and jobs. I moved with them a year later, I was in the second grade. Second grade, I was only 7 years old. It started after school, when while my sister was doing her homework and my younger brother was at daycare he would make me come in his room and rape me. It started happening so often I just thought it was normal. He told me he loved me and if I loved him it’s what we had to do. I was told not to tell my mom because she would get mad at me. He started coming to get me out of bed at night. Me and my sister who are 3 years apart shared a room, with bunk beds and he would sneak in and pull me out of bed and take me in the living room. This went on for years. My older female cousin came to live with us, and ended up getting pregnant by him. My family blamed it on her being fast and they didn’t press charges against him or anything, she was only 16 or 17. This made him stop abusing me until the heat died down off of him for a little while but then he started back. He now would tell me that he would kill me and my mom if I said anything. The night of my 12th birthday he came to get me out of my bed and took me to the living room. I had on my pink robe and night gown. He sat me on his lap and started molesting me like usual, but this time something different happened. My mother woke up and walked into the living room. I don’t remember much else from that night but I know he ended up leaving the house and my mom called the cops. He ended up going on like a high speed chase from the cops the next day and ended up being caught and taken to jail. He was sentenced to like 15 years for the rape of me and my cousin. Afterwards me and my mom neve really had a close relationship, hell we still don’t. I blame her for not protecting me. I don’t think we have ever had an adult conversation about it. I’m angry and I don’t know how to not be. I blame them for never allowing me to be that happy carefree girl. I’m mean and guarded. I don’t even have friends because of me and my demons. I have so much hatred inside to the point where it is literally making me sick. I was diagnosed with a super rare autoimmune disease that the doctors believe came from stress.
    My rapist was released from prison like 3 years ago, and I ran into him at a grocery store near my house (which happens to be the home him and my mother purchased together). I’ve always dreamed of the day where I would see him again and get the chance to confront him as an adult. But I just froze, he looked more shocked and scared than me but I still ran to my car and cried like a baby in front of my infant son. So now there’s a constant fear that he will attack me one day because he knows that I live in the same area. Taking the time out and writing it all down makes me realize that I need to get back in counseling. I have a lot of healing to do.

  52. I’ll probably comment on here often… but I’m tired. I’ve been sexually abused since I before I could even remember from MANY family members (paternal AND maternal) It’s been about 7 almost 8 years since My Uncle took advantage of my trust but it still hurts the same. I look at how my life has fallen apart while his is somehow just as perfect as ever ( judging from IG and FB pics on his kids pages). I was just 15 and he was 43 at the time. He promised my father he’d love my brother and I as if we were his own so it makes me wonder.. is this what you’d do to your OWN children.. I just have so many questions and even more STATEMENTS. Not once has any of them asked how I was, how I am or what happened. But they knew. My Aunt would lock me in my room and take away the tv, computer, radio ANYTHING and EVERYTHING to leave me lonely and miserable. I was constantly on punishment and left at the house alone w him while everyone else got to enjoy life. I’m 22 now and I can’t find that closure that I need. I wish someone would just hear my side. For so long I beat myself up over what HE did. That man ruined my life. I turned to drugs and the streets for years before becoming the woman I am today. And even though I wouldn’t change my journey, there are still some things that eat at me daily. I felt used and unwanted. I felt like I’d only be good enough for my body to be used up. It wasn’t just him, but his sons too AND oldest daughter. The whole damn family was sick and I didn’t realize it.. nor did I realize that taking showers with Grown ass men or laying ass naked in a bed with my aunt,uncle and cousins all under one blanket was wrong. We all walked around the house completely naked and HE is the man of the house. 4 females and 5 men. My cousin and I being the youngest. We were taught all the wrong things. How did no one see this but me ? He is a monster creating monsters. And to think my family would choose to believe his lies over my truth. I’m alone. I had to go through so much to become what I am. Crack addiction, prostitution, fighting, running the streets looking for love where you’d never find it. It’s so unfair to see them happy after shutting me out like this. Am I the only person hurting ? I don’t feel I did anything to deserve this. Trying my best to give it to God

  53. Hey my name is jasmine jenkins i was born in little rock my dad died passed when i was two we moved to houston after that and thats were i been my whole life but every summer me and my siblings come to Arkansas for the summer since we were 4 long story short my mom moved on after my dads passing and met my sister’s dad joeboy !! Remember his name they were together since we was in houston. When they met i thought wow my mom is happy i was like 8 or 9 around this time my mom was a nurse before we left little rock my mom had gotten school done so she was working all the time he wasnt he was our babysitter till he found a job . one day my mom was working 11 to 7 7 to 3 her first night shift ill never forget he cooked for us we take a bath went to sleep in the middle of the night my mom worked around the corner so she would come by after she left he came woke me up told me to take off my clothes and he raped ALL night!! Everynight for years my mom moved us to 3rd ward white concords on yellow stone i always remember landmarks for times like this when we moved they were officially married my sister was 3 at this time and it got worse from there !!!! It got so comfortable he was doing it all the time ANY TIME one time MY SISTER said she seen me on top of him when i get done mind u she 3 she said ” sister did daddy touch you”? I said yes she said OMG IM TELLING MOMMY ! i said no he will beat me we never said nothing about it again !he make take a bath in front of him and make sure im clean and he always say “DONT SAY NONE U HEAR ME ” AND ALWAYS I SAY YES SIR he was doing crack in front me mind u im about 11 or 12 it was to late nobody would believe me my mom was married they both was working we had EVERYTHING i didnt wanna be the blamei was going to the 5th grade after my mom found out about the crack she left him i was so GLAD he did that for years nevertold anyone till he was arguing with my mom and it slept out and it’s been hell everysince no one I MEAN NO ONE STILL TO THIS DAY BELIEVE ME IVE SEPARATED MY FAMILY SINCE APRIL 2018 because of this i just got into it with my step sister on facebook which is my sister nana sister both of there dad that raped me !!but desiree doesnt believe anything and is very disrespectful the post im sending u are about a month ago me and my sister’s got into it on facebook and i spilled the beans but des was CALLING ME EVERYTHING TAKING UP FOR HER FATHER I WAA SO MAD !!! IT WENT FROM THAT TO DES TALKING ABOUT my mom like a dog smh im just glad i was able to tell someone my story pray for me ive been praying for you i have two boys karter and joshuah and they are my LIFE !!!!! LOVE THEM SO MUCH I GET BY EVERY DAY BECAUSE of them and GOD !! Im 25 a cna and a mom living my BEST LIFE LOVE U TAMAR BRAXTON idk if u will ever see this but this IS REAL NO FAKE STORY ill send u the screen shots of the comments thank u so much love u one day ill see u !!! Love jazz

  54. I was sexually abused when I was a kid by a family member.I was scared,broken,confused.I felt empty on the inside, I felt lost.I would put a smile on my face to hide my emotions.I never told anyone because I was afraid of being judged and being embarrassed. Thank you Tamar for sharing your story,you have helped me so much.I appreciate your honesty and opening up.Your my inspiration and you’re beautiful

  55. At the age of 18 my love for my own body was taken from me. At 18 my confidence was taken from me. At 18 everything I loved about life was taken from me. At 18 I found out my own father was a registered sex offender. He told me he wanted to be in a relationship with me. He got me drunk and I woke up to him touching me asking me something I’ll never forget “does that hurt”. I was so intoxcitated that I couldn’t even feel a thing I couldn’t respond, and then I blacked out. I woke up on the floor in my own throw up. Fast forward to 2 days later when he creeps into my room at 2am. What a blessing it was to have been awake, then next moments were filled with me praying he doesn’t rape me or touch me again and trying to block out all of these things he was saying. “I want to have a relationship with you I want to have sex with you please.” I just remember saying how grandma would be so disappointed and that he needed to go to church. All he cared about was trying to have me lay down, while being backed up into the corner of the couch he says something that haunts me on a daily. “Wouldn’t you rather me tell you what I want to do instead of going ahead and doing it” he was talking about when he got me drunk how he could have had sex with me but didn’t. I’m no longer the same. I don’t feel like me I don’t feel like I’m me and I don’t think I ever will be. I’m haunted by my thoughts in a daily and I sometimes wish I had gone through with all the times I tried to kill myself. I’m a popular person but always feel alone in the crowd I don’t feel like anyone ever understands me I don’t know who I am anymore. And still with the way I’m feeling I still have the urge to wake up everyday and try again to see if I can make it

  56. Comment I can relate to Tamar. I am a person who was sexually assaulted by a man that I thought of as a father since my father was absent from my life!! My mother’s longtime boyfriend. He would touch me and say obscene things to me! My mother was on drugs at the time and she wouldn’t be home. I remember just act on the inside, but no one could hear me!! I felt so dirty, and ashamed! It ultimately ruined every relationship I have been in. I have trust issues, and I was very promiscuous. I’ve been with married men, and have been in counseling. The end result is GOD!! I had to completely submit to him and he’s helping me day, by day. A little at a time. Tamar, I want u to know that I love u as an artist as a person, and as a beautiful woman that you are!! I’m so grateful that you are giving us a voice, and that because of you we are able to be heard and are able to lift are heads up a little bit more!! Thank you!!🙏🏾😘😘😘❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️

  57. Dear Tamar,

    Hope you are well.

    I’m an Indian girl from the UK , I first saw you on the “Real” show and thought you are a fucking boss!! I knew you weren’t like the others, you had a strong structure! Hearing your story on Social media was horrible and I hope all the best with you.

    I left my mothers at the age of 20, I was seriously depressed and contemplated suicidinng , I felt like I couldn’t do nothing right , my relationship with my parents wasn’t that great and the only people who I thought cared for me were acting shady as fuck.

    I’m now 21 , still on my alone and if I’m honest I’m scared as fuck right now & I don’t know what to do but some how I’m surviving everyday , eating a least a strawberry or even dry cereal Cus sometimes I can’t afford milk.

    I’m currently trying to battle with aniexty , depression and PTSD with mental health not been aware and looked in within my community it’s a struggle speaking to my manager as he is a ignorant person in general depsite of us being from the same community and religion.

    I’d like to say thank you for starting this website , letting someone know about this I kinda feel better.

    I work for an agency and have a okay job , my real passion is science I would like to become an Astrophysicist, I have applied for college (which is senior high school for Americans) and then attend university (which is college for Americans) I’m attempting to do my education part time as I live alone and need to pay for rent.

    I have autism and dyslecxia and i want to prove myself and the world what I am made of and how I will not let anything bring me down.

    Thank you once again for sharing your amazing story. God bless you

  58. I could never have shared my story the way that you have. I still can’t but I just want to say it’s comforting to know that I’m not alone and I just want to thank you for your courageousness.

  59. I am super proud of you. I am a 27 years old young woman from south africa n I’ve been following you since. I love you so much and thank you for living your truth. I kinda feel like I never knew you until now

  60. First of all thank you for this Tamar ❤️
    My father was a victim of suicide, my mother Raised 3 of us the best way she could unfortunately she battles with addiction so trusted family members to help with childcare.
    I am 1 of 3 children same mother different fathers.
    ever since I can remember when I was sent with my older brother to his grandparents house HIS grandfather would take opportunity to sexually abuse me. He groomed me to believe I would get in trouble if I told. I hated myself I wished I was dead I Hurt myself regularly.. everyone said I was weird or crazy or unruly which made me hate myself more, I thought god hated me for punishing me with this life.
    Finally I grew the courage when I was 19 to tell my mother as I refused to go to my brothers grandparents anymore.
    My mother didn’t take it well I cried and begged her not to burn down there House as I didn’t want to lose her. She phoned the police and I had to do a video interview as well as numerous statements. This messed me up at the time as I spent years trying to push away all the memories and forget what had happened to me and there I was reliving it to two officers who acted like I was telling lies. My own brother didn’t believe me at the time he just screamed and ran away and refused to talk to me.
    The police decided as I was no longer a minor and had no hard evidence that there was no case and I was forgotten about. I went into depression always thinking everyone’s judging me, it’s all my fault I should have said sooner, I felt alone.
    My brother had his first child, a girl and I heard he was taking her to the house to see the grandparents. I sent a message to my brothers baby mother and wrote every little detail of how the grandfather would use any opportunity to abuse me when nobody was around, I begged her not to let my niece end up like me.
    10 years later I hear my brothers sister (his sister through his dad) admits to him and her parents that she had been sexually abused by her own grandfather.
    This was crazy for me I didn’t know how to feel.. happy.. it wasn’t just me.. sad for her.. angry she didn’t say before..
    My brother actually went to his grandparents house and confronted his grandfather while secretly filming him.. when my brother asked why did he do this to his little sisters the man replied because they were useless
    She called me (we’ve only ever spoke to each other once before this and that was when we were kids) she apologised to me for not telling people it happened to her after she heard about me. She explained she was scared I told her please don’t worry, I’m sorry it happened to you too and I’m happy you have set yourself free.. the abusers are in control when you keep there secret. I asked her if she would go to the police she said no.
    Soon after she changed her mind and went to the police and they have spent the last 2 years looking back into everything and are still trying to build up a case to take him to court. Last year my same brother broke down randomly one day and admitted that he was also being sexually abused by his own grandfather.. I was shocked because he was so loyal to him instead of me, the way I had to work to get him to stop letting that pedo have access to his children I felt hurt all this time after all of that… but I forgive my brother he too was a victim he too was groomed it’s not his fault it’s not any of our fault
    It’s the pedos fault!
    I pray I will get justice for my childhood after all this time but I am prepared if I don’t.
    The fact that I am free of keeping his secrets makes me forgive and love myself
    I will not let what he did to me effect the rest of my life or my children’s life’s
    I will never be afraid to say what I think or how I feel to anyone
    I am free

  61. I was only 5 or 6 years old and my mom had a boyfriend at that time my mom’s was on drugs he will send my mom’s out somewhere to the store or whatever and he will call me and the room and tell me to come here and lay down and I did he will get on top of me and touch me and rub his self on me he did it a couple of times I was scare in so alone I told my mother she got rid of him but he was still around at times I felt like my mom’s did not like me because of what happened to me I don’t know i was hurt for along time now that I’m 29 and have a little girl now I just keep her close to me I ask God to give me the strength to for give that monster and he gave me the strength to forgive but never to forget I past my story cause it’s hurts but the more I talk about the better I felt

  62. Hi everyone.. I’ll be 40 in a couple of months & I NEVER realize exactly how being molested @3 & raped repeatedly by a family member would still affect my live! I’ve been to therapy on my own because I’ve never told anyone about this! The sad thing is the dysfunction that I had to live with..I’m sitting here thinking why do I still laugh with this cousin? The thinking about keeping a secret is that u have to keep this facade that ur this individual lived with us & my family & I are breaking bread with this demon..I was 5 years why would he choose me? I had 2 other sisters not that I would have wanted that to happened to them but I’m trying to understand why it was me repeatedly.. From an uncle making me play with his genitals at 3 while he touched me inappropriately.. To another family member always grabbing my butt & say inappropriate things to a 11 year a neighbor that took me riding on the back of his bike & took me to a school & tried to rape me at 10 until I started to beg & cry for him to stop & thank God he took me home..from an older man that was married to my cousin to me on a ride on his motorcycle as he did with my & brother & them came back ok..but he wanted me to go last..I’m young didn’t know why..finally its my turn & he took me further than the rest pulled over to am abandoned building & tried to kiss me..a 13-14 year old me..he was in his late 30s probably 40..once about I’m begging for my body to not be violated..saying anything I can ..oh they going to be waiting for us, somebody could see, I’m on my period, I don’t want to, I’m not feeling well, its getting dark..wait I’m not going to cry..its all coming back to me..I’ve NEVER told anyone most of these stories only my hub knows about inappropriate touching at 3 & I time that my cousin “tried” to rape me..& I said tried because I was ashamed.. I didn’t want him to feel disgusted with me or about me..I thought I was over all of this but I guess I was lying to myself & my therapist as I only told her what I told my husband.. & when my husband wants to Mk love to me it triggers agitation & please don’t let him grab a breast or butt out of playfulness.. Especially when I wasn’t expecting it! But I don’t know how to to control myself & tell myself that my husband loves me despite but these other people loved me to so now what the hell does love have to do with it!! I remember during therapy she told me my hw was to share this with my I called my mom IP told her the light stories & then out of nowhere I spit out that her husband my step dad would touch me inappropriately when he would come home drunk..he would touch me but yet call out my moms name as if I’m stupid..I would slap him on his head & say its me& he would jibber jabbish words that I couldn’t understand so I would tried to get up off the couch he would grab me & wouldn’t let me & I would constantly say daddy its me..until after 30 mins he would fall into a drunken sleep but could u imagine lying on a couch & our dad comes behind u talking about to close for comfort..this happened a few times so I guess I was so perfect at keeping secrets I almost didn’t believe he was doing it on purpose.. So back to when that slipped out my mother yelks on the phone oh so now its ur daddy too..that caught me REAL off guard as if I was I started getting defensive & saying more things & she’s just saying No, No, No…I took it as if she’s saying no it didn’t happen..Y’all I have NEVERRRR disrespected my mom & even as I yelled at her crying with hurt for some reason my thoughts were like this still ur mom..I’ve never cried so hard for so long..I hung up on her & I didn’t talk to her for months & me & my mom talked months was a long time..thank God for my hubs being the middle man ..she would call him crying saying that’s not what she meant…that she meant it in a way like in disbelief like no, no, no why u didn’t tell me kinda of way..idk if I believed or not but I told myself this ur mother she was molested as a child..but the relationship took a long time to get back on track with the laughing & joking! Y’all there’s SOOOOOOOOOO much more as I’ve gotten older that the same pedaphiles try as I’m older & married with kids & the thing that I hate is that I never had the strength to confront ANY of them!! Its like I divert back to that scared kid or that what if they don’t believe me, or I don’t want to break up their family because their wives & kids were sweet..if anybody feels the same way please lmk that I’m not alone because I even feel stupid for worrying about them😕 🚨 I want to just say thank u to Tamar for giving us a voice to be heard without the judgment of others..its already hard to come forward & I’m almost 40& no one knows all of this & I don’t think I’m brave enough to ….no u know what I AM BRAVE ENOUGH..I was going to write a book about my life but I tell it better through my voice & speaking to young girls. Women. & even guys because b4 I broke the generational curse my son was molested by the son of my cousin who raped me..& that some ish..Y’all generational curses are real…I grew up catholic so I h8 that something had to happen to my son & it made me go to my non denomination church & this is when I heard about generational curses!! But as I was saying thank u Tamar & the no need TB shame crew for giving us back our power!! #Iamthemostprettiestgirlintheworld #Wearetheprettiestgirlsintheworld
    ✌& Blessings

  63. I remember having such a fun childhood but things changed especially my self worth when my uncle made me touch him. Another odd thing that fucked me up and confused me was that when he made me do it, he looked angry. Then he picked me up, took me in the back and threw me on the bottom bunk bed. I almost hit my head on the top bunk. That’s the last thing I remember. I have a separate memory of my vagina burning and I remember screaming and crying. I remember my mother putting a cold cloth on my vagina and looking scared. She didn’t know what was wrong with me. I just screamed and screamed. Long afterward I have a memory, that I now question, of me telling my mom what happened. The way she reacted made me feel like I was disgusting. The look on her face was disgust. From that point in my life I felt all I was good for was pleasing men. That was reinforced by my summer fun leader rubbing himself on me, my older cousin touching me, my Uncle again rubbing himself on me, my religion teaching trying to get me to show him my chest, my coach rubbing himself on me, and other men grabbing me like I was just a toy. It took a long time for me to build strength enough to say you don’t just get to do whatever you want with me. I got angry and am still angry and aggressive person. I have violent thoughts about myself too. When I’m feeling embarrassed my mind goes back to a helpless child. I think of cutting my skin off because of the sickening and disgusting feelings. I think of stabbing myself too just to get rid of the pain. I never would though. They are like cleansing thoughts. Like OCD. I think of water cleaning me too sometimes. I’m sure that’s more therapeutic than knives. I think that I wish I could have been a bitch as a child so that none of it would have happened. I know it’s not my fault since I was between 1st and 2nd grade, but I wish I could have been as tough as I am now. Now I think if anything happened to my children, I’d blackout and someone would end up dead and it wouldn’t be us. This pain and shame is debilitating sometimes. I’m beautiful and know that I’m doing very well for myself but some days I lay down and cry just feel furious, and my chest gets tight. I’m glad that I can snap out of it too though. Deep breathing etc. I just get bitter that things happened in the first place. In my early adulthood, I made many stupid decisions because I saw myself as an object instead of person worthy of the best out of humanity. I would actually even give head to people I didn’t want to have sex with because I didn’t want them to be mad at me or feel disappointed. It’s a fucking crazy way to think. I’ve come a long way from that time… I’ve never said the complete story to anyone. This feels liberating somewhat even though I’m not saying this to anyone who knows me. It is so painful. Thank you for letting me lighten my load even a little bit.

  64. My cousin rape me from the ages of 4-7. And now i have to see him every day. And my whole family turned on me. And iwas froced to move away. Til this day i still see him. And my family tells me it my fault

    1. Ive been waiting for years to scream and breathe a little. I have lived my whole life..thank God the father who the son sets free is free wasnt until my early 30s i found the power of forgiveness(i dont see were to post my story..a lil help pls.. Grateful.GB

  65. I don’t know exactly how old I was when it began but I had a cousin who’s about 3 years older than I am (30 currently). It would start with him creating little games that would involve him him touching me inappropriately. Honestly you know as a child you know somethings wrong but you just don’t know how to express it or the guilt of allowing someone to do it. I was no older than 6 when it began. I remember it being a consistent thing and becoming more and more intrusive each time. When he was in middle school was around the time that my mom gave birth to my little sitter. At this time I believe he stopped messing with me in that way or I’ve just blocked it out. I was around 8/9 and I found myself acting as a protector of my sister literally never leaving her alone with him EVER. One day I happened to go outside and he was outside as well playing with neighborhood friends. I hadn’t noticed that at one point or the other he had gone into the house I hurried in and he was exposing his genitals to my sister who was no more than 1 1/2 and in her walker at the time. I was absolutely disgusted and I attacked him. In that moment I realized what rage was I was a happy child throughout my ordeal but seeing him try to tarnish my sister in that same way caused something to snap. That day was also the first day that my struggle with debilitating anxiety began. He quickly exited the room and from that day forward he moved with his grandmother on his maternal side of his family. A couple of years later he was kicked out of school for sexually harassing a girl in class. I felt a small guilt for never telling anyone what he had done to me or attempted to do to my sister. He relocated to a country town about 4 hrs away from our hometown and I didn’t see him for several years until our grandparents passed and I’m still mad at myself for not speaking up then. When he came home I was beyond disgusted when I saw that he had my name tattooed on the outside of his right hand. I feel like he has it as some type of badge of honor. It’s been several more years since I saw him but I was recently informed that he was locked up due to raping some girl he was dating 4 year old twins he’s out now. His current gf friended me on fb and she has a child I want to warn her so bad but I know being from that small town she already knows of his conviction. I feel sick to my stomach and wish I had done something that may have prevented anyone else from suffering. The guilt I carry around is immeasurable. The anxiety I live with is life altering and the fact that I still carry this burden alone through marriage and all is torture. I trust no one period. I’m working to start an organization eventually when I get myself together enough to empower women and help those who’ve not yet came forward much like me do so. No one should have to live this way. If you are reading this and have been through or are going through the same I am praying for you and your continued strength and I hope you do the same for me. SPEAK TO BE HEARD! It’s something I preach to my children and anyone that I know. I’m working on living this words myself. Search speaktobeheard on fb if any of you all ever need to vent judgement free. I know a ear willing to listen can help.

  66. When I was 16 my mom’s husband would come into my room late at night when everyone else would be asleep and he’d ask me if he could touch me. I’d say no, he’d leave and I’d be laying in bed scared that he’d still be there. He would touch himself in front of me and I’d immediately go somewhere else but he’d follow me. I hated being alone because that’s when he would start touching me. I felt so disgusted, I felt like I couldn’t say no because I’d be afraid of what he’d do. This went on for months till one day I was at school and I’d told my counselor what had been going on. I had to go to therapy, there was a no contact order, and restraining order put on him. When I turned 17 my therapist and mom thought it’d be good for me to be on my own so she rented a house for me and that didn’t help because he knew my cell number, and where I was staying he’d call me pretending to be someone else but I knew it was him. He got the key to my place from my mom and would come into my room and he’d touch me. When I turned 18 my mom couldn’t afford to pay rent for my place and her house I was still in high school I didn’t have a job yet. I had no choice but to move back in with my mom, I stayed in the camper outside the house, but he’d come in and it wasn’t just touching anymore he’d get on top of me and he’d rape me. My mom caught him coming out of the camper and the next day he was arrested and sent to prison and he was there for 6 years. He’s out now, I’m 26 now but what he did left a lot of scars. To this day I don’t like anyone touching me. I’m strong, and I’m thankful for everything I’ve been through because if I hadn’t I wouldn’t be the woman I am today. I wouldn’t know my true strength, and my potential in myself. I’ve been in not just physically abusive relationships, but mental, and emotionally abusive relationships as well. I don’t let those stop me from hoping one day to have a love that will last. I’ve always been independent, and I’ve never let anything stop me. I’m thankful for everything I’ve gone through in my life, I’m thankful for all the people who doubted me, abused me, hated on me, and told me I was worthless, never going to be loved, that nobody could ever love me because I was too fat, and because I have too many issues. I have Asperger’s, ADD, depression, and schizophrenia but I don’t let those things define me or stop me from being me. Yes I’ve been through a lot in my life but so have others and other people have been through far worse than me and still manage to be the most amazing people. I firmly believe in what doesn’t kill us, makes us stronger. I have came through everything I’ve been through with God, and my family. I hope others who’ve been through this realize that we will always have scars but what doesn’t kill us makes us stronger and our strength and spirit is something no one can ever take away from you.

  67. I was molested by my real father between the ages of 13 to 15 my father was very mentally disturbed, Violent and abusive and torturing.
    he would beat my mom mercilessly and beat me and my little brother and then he started raping me from 13 to 15.
    I told my mother at 14 but I knew she was too afraid to do anything so I ended up having to go to the police to protect myself and He ended up going to prison for 80 years this really tore my family apart because I know no one knew how to deal with it my mom ended up turning her back on me because I know that she did not really know how to deal with it.. my mom recently told me that she felt like that at 13,14 and 15 that I knew what I was doing and that I was not a child when my dad was molesting me..and for her to still say things like this 30 years later is just so heartbreaking and stead of just Saying I did not know how to protect you all and it was my job to protect you and none of this was your fault but that’s not what she is saying she saying that a part of it is my fault and she is pulling people on her prayer is the ones that’s closest to her would tell her the truth and not what she wants to hear.. and I’ve had to distance myself from her because it adds on to the abuse that I suffered as a child .. I have had a lot of support from my baby sister and my brother and an Uncle a few other of my cousins but the rest of my family on my dad’s side somehow have anger and hostility and hatred towards me and it took me years to understand that this is common in an incestuous family and none of this was my fault. I’ve had to understand for the past 30 years while that was going on I had to survive and I have to nothing to feel bad about for trying to survive that torturous and horrific time in my life..I had to fight for myself at 15 and go to the police on my own and that took a lot of courage for a 15 year old and i am very proud of myself.
    I have nothing to be ashamed of or guilty for.
    andI’ve had to pick up the pieces and give them to God and go on with my life this “me to movement” has been very healing and has helped me to have a voice when everyone was ignoring my voice and telling me not to tell or to just get over it..this helps me to know that I am not alone

  68. For the past 3 years since 2016 i have been on a self discovery journey learning myself and reevaluating what I want see myself. This year I could took the biggest step of my life and committed to seeing a counselor. There I have opened up about thoughts I had about myself, to having nonactive father in my life and how not having my father in my life has caused me to doubt myself worth, and self love and turn away from my relationship with God. I stop visiting my father no only because his wife didn’t like me or respect but also I have been keeping a secret from my father. That my oldest stepbrother sexually assaulted me at the age of 14 my brother was 10 and made him promise not to tell my mom. Well he told my mom she was so angry and i made her promise not to tell. I am 24 and I have yet tell my dad because I’m afraid what my dad will say, will he believe and that I’m not trying to destroy his marriage. Only my mother knows the truth. My relationship with God has suffered because for so long I felt like God was just like my earth father who didn’t fight for and protect me. My relationship with God has changed but I still carry this secret.

  69. I just want to take a moment and tell everyone that you are brave for telling your story. Thank you Tamar for giving us an avenue to speak up, speak out and be supported. I am 29 and I just told my mom about three years ago that my cousin molested me. I don’t remember or care to remember much of what occurred but I do know that it started when I was 8. I can remember he was in high school and a football star. I loved him so much and he knew that. He knew I trusted him so he knew I wouldn’t tell. He’d buy me things now I know that he was bribing me to stay silent. I never thought that I was really affected by it until I had my daughter and he introduced himself to her at a family gathering. I was angry and afraid but most of all I wanted to protect my daughter. Part of me wants him to know that I remember what he did and I want him to know my mom knows and a few cousins. I also wanted to know why. I don’t know if knowing why will help me from day dreaming about it or having night sweats regarding what he did. I hope that one day I can confront him and let him know that yes you took my innocence but u didn’t take my voice or who I am today. God bless you all!!! ❤️❤️

  70. When I was four or five I was sexually molested by my own sister. It has happened for a while then stop but I cannot feel nothing but anger and fury towards her and I believe I will feel that way for the rest of my fucking life. I hate her and I have to pretend most of the time because I don’t want anyone to question me. I hate her I really do. I haven’t told anyone. I’m mentally disturbed and I honestly cannot tell how much longer I can endure this. I really hate her. I just want to pursue my career & hope to never see her face again.

  71. There are so many of us. I know it’s hard but we should not own the shame. Our offenders should! For me, it’s was my father. It started when I was 5 and lasted until I was about 7 or 8 when my mom finally made him leave. It was an awful thing for my body, mind and soul to have to endure. It was a sick thing for him to do. His father, some of my uncles and cousins share in this sickness. When I was 13 two of my classmates tried to rape me. When I was 18 my mom’s boyfriend came in my room late at night and touched me. I’ve allowed my body to change drastically and now no one is attracted to me and I feel safe. My past hurts runs deep but with much prayer, counseling and family support, I’m in a better place.

  72. My story is too much to pay on here.. But I was molested, physically And emotionally abided by my sisters father-in-law for about 6 years (from 8-14 years old). No one believed me when I spoke up. Instead my mother told the whole neighborhood that I seduced HIM. So of course all of the been on my block and all the women looked at me ‘differently’. Tim the men I was fresh meat, for the women I was a whore. So I isolated myself as much as possible. It was so hurtful and I always felt dirty, embarrassed, ashamed, alone and LESS THAN… And 40 years later I STILL feel like this. It’s a toys I can’t talk to my family about because they either don’t believe me or don’t want to hear it. My mother denies it all. This has formed such a toxic and tense relationship between all of us. I have 4 sisters. All of us have been molested (by different people) except for one. I often watch IYANLA FIX MY LIFE, and wish I could get my family and I in this show, because it’ll be the only way for me to be able to express EVERYTHING that’s happened to me. I’m so messed up now suffering from depression, anxiety, and so many other things. My mother was so physically, emotionally and verbally abusive, and EVERYONE around us knew it. But no one did anything to save us. She’s STILL abusive, just not physically, (i think I would seriously strike her if she ever tried to hit me, NOW. ) I feel so much guilt because of my feelings toward her. She’s my mother, but I can’t stand her narcissistic, manipulative ways. I wish I could have a deep loving reasonably with my sisters. That kind of relationship you have with yours, Tamar. But it will never happen because I can’t be ME, can’t be true to myself, while I’m still caring all these feelings of guilt, shame, worthlessness, and ugliness. My mother, I don’t care if we have a relationship or not at this punt. I just wish I could tell/explain to her what she’s done to me, my kids, my life, throughout my WHOLE life! Anyway, thank you Tamar for this private platform where we can all come and share or get out our deepest secrets, and maybe not feel so shameful. You are a beautiful inspiration… Like a surprising, beautiful sunny day, in the middle of winter. Thank you again, love. ❤🙏

    1. Hello Queen,
      I can definitely relate to the relationship (or lack there of) with your mother. My mother has hated me my entire life & I have no idea why? But now that I’m an adult I know a couple reasons why she can’t stand me because she told me… when she told me it wasn’t mean or nasty it was in normal conversation but since recent events I understand what she was saying… she hates me because I am the wife she always wanted to be, I’m the mother she always wanted to be, & I’m the woman she always wanted to be… so with that her, her husband (my father), & all of her children have came up with a plan to finally destroy me & make it seem like they have every right to beat me up in front of my children, make up lies about myself & my husband… you name it she has done it. I’m at the point where if I never see or speak to them again it would be too soon. Sometimes the most toxic people in your life are the ones who are supposed to love & protect you.

  73. Forgot to mention that my secret has been the brunt of many jokes. I was ousted in front of people, as a joke, a free times. Now, it’s THE UNSPOKEN FAMILY SECRET that no one can talk about.

  74. I was molested starting from the age of 6 and sexually abused from the age 12 to 15 by my aunts husband who was the pastor to my grandmothers church I don’t understand how no one knew what was going on everyone seemed to be blind because he was the pastor I was having trouble at school and was playing hookie and the school decided to get me a pins warrant where I would have to show up to school and have teachers from every class sign to say I showed up if not I would get into trouble with the state so when I showed up to the office an officer questioned me and asked me what was wrong because my grades where affected and something must be wrong I mustered up all the courage I had and told him everything that’s when investigators came to ask question the pig was arrested but my grandmother didn’t believe me she actually told me to my face she said why you lying you trying to get out of the school warrant thing I couldn’t believe her investigation began and the started coming to th house asking questions ask my sister if she was going thru the same thing she was but she was molested not raped by the same man as time went on my aunt his wife was crying making me feel bad saying they are going to take her kids away because her husband was a pedophile she made me call the attorney and say it was a lie I knew that was wrong because she hurt my case he got 10 years probation and he’s a registered sex offender as years went by her oldest son as an adult came out and said his dad sexually assaulted him as well our family has not been the same I have gotten to physical fights with her because she said what I went thhru was my fault how is that when she was the adult and was suppose to be watching me but deep down I think she knew what was happening all I went thru has affected my life but I found my husband and he’s the best and he makes me feel like the song Tamar Prettiest Girl even tho I don’t feel it we’ve been together 21 yrs

  75. I was 11 years old, in the fifth grade. My parents went out of town to a church convention and eldest sister came to stay with me. Her boyfriend came over. He was nice to me, I always wanted a big brother and it kind of felt like he was. I played outside and he came in the backyard where I was. I remember picking up the ball that had been thrown to me and he touched me. It felt weird but I didn’t say anything. Then his hands ran over my under developed chest. I felt dirty but I still didn’t say anything. I went in the house. I was in my room playing my Sega, he came in. The door was closed and he put his hands in my pants. I began rubbing my vagina and I felt numb. I didn’t even know what was happening to me. He began pulling my pants down and proceeded to put his penis into my vagina but it hurt and I let out a noise. He stopped. I remember he went home but he was coming back that night. He called on the phone. He spoke to my sister and he asked to talk to me. He told me that when he came back that he was going to “play” with me. I remember thinking that if what he had done earlier was playing that I didn’t want to play with him. Later that evening, he came back. While in my room, he inserted his finger into my vagina. I was scared. At bedtime, I freaked out. I was not only afraid of what he would do to me but what he may do to my sister. So I told. She confronted him and of course he denied it. He left and my parents were called. When they came home, nothing was done. No one talked to me, checked me, asked me how I was, nothing. And until this day, no one has said a word to me about it. I didn’t even know I had been abused until Jr. High. I learned what had happened to me through reading. I found out some years later that my sister continued to see that man.

  76. It was some one I called a friend. I was in the Navy and he was my shipmate. We went to a party with all of our friends. We all drank a few too many. I drank too much for my own good. He grabbed me, put me on the bed and forever ruined my life. I kept saying no, telling him to stop. I was crying and repeating my self. I couldn’t move. He stopped once I was crying hard enough. He said he was sorry he fucked up. After that night, he begged me not to say anything because he was worried everyone would get in trouble. I was so confused on why I couldn’t fight back that night. Was I drugged? I will never know. I waited too long to go see a doctor. I eventually told my work and they started an investigation. He confessed. He said he raped me. We went to court and they found him not guilty. I apparently didn’t have enough evidence….. even though we had a confession….. Every time I run into someone who looks like him, I have a panic attack. I have nightmares. I cant even be touched my own husband some times. He always asks me what he can do and i just want to tell him to hold me but i just stay quiet and tell him to leave me alone. I think of that night every day of my life. I have those days where I hope I don’t wake up the next day. The sad part is, I have a 1 year old son and an amazing husband and I cant find it in me to get over the bad days for them. I’ve been in therapy on and off from 2016 till now. Nothing is working. Its getting to the point where I’m just trying to get my husband in a stable place, just in case I’m not here to see them grow old. They keep me motivated to get better. They give me hope.

  77. Hello Tamar and Ladies
    Idk where to start…. Im newly recovering from a abusive relationship, I was only with him for a year though but once he fully “committed” it didn’t take long for the abuse to follow, i did so much for him though. From helping gain custody of his kids, providing a roof over our heads, moved us out of state in a nice area. All within the span of a year and i was constantly accused of cheating, lying being interested in co-workers flirting with random people, I mean just anything you could think of. Soon enough though our “relationship” wasnt quite a relationship anymore it was obviously a dictatorship, i had no voice, my opinions didn’t matter, i was always made to feel less than and stupid. I quickly learned to agree even if i really disagreed, i did whatever to keep him happy and to minimize the verbal and physical and mental abuse. I mean imagine getting beat on because you want a little attention from your guy…… Well the last time he jumped on me in ma sleep was all i could take and I’ve been back home with family for the last 3months, its hard and crazy thing is I still love him, I still want him, I still reach out with no response…. Which leaves me feeling like what did i do wrong? Idk I’m a confused lossed cause ig

  78. I still battling with the idea of not being able to have a child natural. The one thing I want to give my husband. I ashamed to talk about it because I feel less thank a woman. I feel like my life have no purpose. Was told we would need IVF to conceive. It will cost 20,000. We don’t have that type of money and where I’m from insurance don’t cover IVF. I reached out to you on instagram with a detail story Tamar looking for advice. Love ya

  79. It was my dad …. raped me in kindergarten and … he told me he would kill me my siblings and my mom if I said anything…. at first I begged him to not kill them afterwards I bwanna he’s hum to kill me because I didn’t want to live… I had to drag myself from the bathroom I couldn’t even walk afterwards

  80. At just 6 years old my innocent was taken from me. A year later I learned that my perpetrator was also violated by another family member. I kept my secret out of fear of being sent away. Only 2 people knew my secret until I was 33 years old when I bitterly and angrily confronted my violator. Invest, molestation, rape – it is so tightly weaved throughout my family that it’s sickening!!! I have been to therapy a few times and finally got fed up with being silent. Now, I’m a Life Coach and Practitioner (IG: @QTHESUNSHINECOACH) because I REFUSE to let another person feel ashamed and trapped in their own silence.

  81. After being molested by a family friend for over 7 years. And that family friend abusing 11 others in my family unbeknownst to me, its been tough. The stigma attached the hardest. For years worried ppl would think id molest theyre children. My mothers shame for not acting when i told her. How he used the fact my little brother and cosins looked up to me to exploite them, saying things like “well RiotGirl does it” and wanting to be just like me thought that ment it was ok. I told Brian Konopka if he ever touched another child i would tell when i 8 years old. So i never knew. And the shame of not protecting the kids who looked up to me, still makes me cry today. I know that had i known hed abuse others i would have made a bigger effort in telling. The shame that he was my best friend because my mother was in an abusive relationship amd abusive herself. In my eyes he was the lesser of 2 evils and because he wasnt family it his abuse was easier to suffer through. When he got out of prison after 15 years, i had to morn his friendship, cuz i did have stolkhoms, accepting that he wasnt cured and most likely never will be is tough. But they do ususlly re-offend. Acceoting he never cared about me, and destoryed my life for his own pleasures was tough. Accepting my mother was fault and admitting out loud “SHE FUCKED UP! SHE DIDNT DO HER JOB AND PROTECT ME” so i could make sure to protect my own daughter at all costs was the hardest thing ever, and i was so mad at the couslor who said my mom “didnt do her job” because she did do the best she could. The abuse that his abuse opened me up to in my teens and early adult years made me feel like id be a victim forever. I went did over 10 years of cousling, and still see a counslor periodicly. However admiting my mother didnt do her job made me determind to have good bountries around my daughter. It stated little when ppl would ask to hold her as an infent, instead of saying “oh, maybe tomoorrow” i said “no, shes a preme and i cant afford the risks of her getting sick”i started talking like i ment it, and being firm when i told ppl no. I wasnt rude, just firm. And one day i realized i hadnt had a man cross a boundry in long long tim, and i didnt have a bunch of purves around me waiting for the oppertunity. The boundries i was determind to have for my daughter had showed me what healthy boundries look like. And when i told me “No” they stopped in theyre tracks! Something i had no idea was possible. When ur telling a man no, its hard not to nervously giggle, for some reason that giggle that is obviously uncofortable, cancels out the “no” you just said. And you have to say “no” like you mean, i do it with a deep voice and i dont apoligize after words, and i dont giggle! And they back off. I havent had a bountry crossed for over 10 years and thats a trumph. It is possible to stop being a victim! Telling a man “i got a boyfriend” isnt enough, and tells them if you didnt have a bf youd be willing. So best to avoid that when theyre trying to touch or kiss u! It best to just say “no” with a steight face, saying it as you mean it, and getting away from the person. The next hardest thing was having healthy and confident sexual relatioship. I couldnt have that until i had boundries that men no longer crossed. After men werent pushing mh bountries anymore, my sex life fell into place. I still struggle, and find myself uncofortable when i shouldnt be, but some sheading that uncofort comes with age. Its weird, cuz ive had to draw lines with bf’s and tell them, “look i was molested so im not okay with that” but it doesnt ristrict a normal sex life. I cant be called a bitch in bed for example, though i know he isnt trying to belittle me, its a throws in passion talk, but i make sure (if it happens) to discuss how it makes me feel. I dont hide the abuse from my lover, cuz he needs to be aware, that somethings effect me that dont effect other women and be considerate of that. I had to do alot of work to get to a space where normal sexual interaction wasnt uncofortable to me. I would look at what my female friends were good with, and wounder “why am i so weird about a man going down on me? When my friends arnt? I got over alot of that through counsling and putting up with uncofort with a man i trusted. Eventually i got to a place where there is no unconfort and i can enjoy, obviously that wouldnt have been possible if other men were still pushing bountries. It does take alot to get over being abused! But stay strong! Its not ur fault! Its nothing to be ashamed of! And dont every be scared to talk about it. Ive helped counless other victims, cuz as vitims we know another victim suffering silent! Me sharing (not spacifics) that i was molested helps other ppl talk to me! Ppl not molested are uncofortable (u saw how wendy responded to Tamars coffession!)hearimg us share, but thats okay! If someone not molested has to be unfortable to i can help someone i care not! If anyone needs advice, or just wants to share to a real life person who will listen, email me, im 36 years old with a 14 year old daughter. I have alot of wisdom ive learned in dealing with this! Ive couseled others, ive helped friends get couseling and put theyre abuser behind bars, and in cases where charges couldnt be pressed i helped them allert the family so the perp couldnt do it to others! My email is Jinxgamer88@gmail. Good luck to everyone! Thank u tamar for the platform! Luv ya!

  82. He is my older half brother(dads side) I was 17(now 18) and he was 18(now 19) I got drunk because I was upset one night and when i fell asleep on the couch he came up behind me and raped me. I froze I didnt fight back I didnt scream I didnt do anything. This happened in January and I just told my parents in June And my dad&stepmom didn’t believe me but my mom did . I felt like because I didn’t scream or fight back that I was allowing it I felt like I couldn’t hold him to it because I never stopped him. I was sooooo depressed, I smoked weed before the rape but the depression that the rape sent me into caused me to be addicted I was high 24 hours a day just because I knew if I was sober I would just go back to feeling dirty and worthless and still do I have been dealing w the addiction and I still fight daily demons it has been 8 months since my rape & it still feels like yesterday.

  83. I have never shared my story with a lot of people but this gives me a chance to let it out. When I was around 9 or 10 I was a victim of kewd and lascivious acts by one of my cousins. He never penetrated me though. I never really knew that it was something “bad” because my mom never talked to me about boys, sex, inappropriate touching etc. He just said “I’ll lay here” and he ejaculated on me. I thought he urinated on me. It only happenedonce but as I sit here thinking about it, once was enough. When I was 18 ( high school) I stayed the night with a friend and we experimented with drinking alcohol, by ourselves. After I became intoxicated, I went to bed, fully dressed. In the middle of the night, I woke up to use the bathroom and realized my clothes were off. I heard a make voice say “are you ok” and I turned around to look. It was my closest friend’s boyfriend and he had raped me, taking my virginity. I was a total mess. I cried, chased him with a liquor bottle down the road and cried and screamed all night. I couldn’t tell myboarents because I didn’t think they would believe me. I was too scared to even call the police. When we went back to school, he bragged about it to his “homeboys” and girls In thought were my friend turned on me and accused me of “wanting it”. My world was crushed. My boyfriend at the time (who knew I was a virgin and ok with it) left me and that made me feel even worse. So I decided that if I wanted a man to love me, I had to sleep with them, even if I didn’t want to. In the midst of all of the sleeping around I did, one of my kids dad abused me physically, mentally, and verbally. He told me I was ugly, no-one would want me, and called me all kinds of names. In the beginning I was scared to fight back but when he beat me naked, I knew I’d had enough so I started to fight back and had him sent to prison. He was the only one that did that to me but I was scarred. I thlught so low of myself and felt mike NOONE would ever love me the way I wanted to be loved. And to top all of that off, 6 kids later, I have gained weight from stress and depression (but Im not a stress eater). Now that I am 45 years old, I am finally seeing a counselor and trying to get back in touch with the 18 year old that I was disconnected from without consent. The only thing good that came out of my situations and the life I was living was the fact that God watched over me and made sure that I didn’t get AIDS, STD’s or anything else. I have told my daughters to always known that they have a choice and if anyine tries to take that choice, fight like hell, run, tell someone and CALL ME. I have told my boys that of a girl says no, take it for what it is NO and don’t ever try to force them to do something they don’t want to. I’m definitely not where I would like to be in my life but I am working on it. Thank you so much Tamar for giving us this outlet to let go of things that having been holding us captive. I love you😘

  84. Thoughtout my childhood I was molested by multiple family members . I was raped at 14 by someone I trusted and known for years.From 16-22 I was getting beat on and talked down on by my child’s father. I dont feel as though I’ll ever be okay cause my trust in people is gone because i’ve been heart by so many people I loved.I suffer from depression and most times I keep my emotions bottled up. Im insecure and most days I dont feel pretty. I haven’t talked about this until I had my daughter in 2016. She opened my eyes and brung joy to my life.I try to be as strong as I can for her and im very overprotective of her because I dont want what happened to me to happen to my child. Its a long process but I know Allah will get me through it.

  85. I was molested three times in my life. The first time I was 11 it was by my older cousin my mom, aunties, & cousins’ said he prayed on younger girls but they never knew what he did to me. He raped me because of my sexuality & we also tell me it was a game. He raped me from ages 11-14 he had no remorse for his actions. The second time I was 13 or 14 but I stayed a night at one of my family member’s house on my dad’s side of the family. My cousin we were the same age but he was much stronger he forced himself on my backside & front. The third time I was 16 & it’s of this year a few month’s ago. I was at hotel with my auntie, her gf, my little cousin, older cousin, my sister & her now ex & we were a little drunk & my sister & her gf left me outside by myself intoxicated & this boy I called my bother just started touching on me, I tried fighting him off but it was no use he punched in my stomach & face. Then next thing you know he was ripping my swim trucks off & forced himself up on me. It still hurts I hate to be alone because I think about it sometimes I have nightmares. They took something very precious from me. My innocence was gone & so was my soul. I felt empty & still do.

  86. First of all I love you even more for this Tamar! 😘 I was molested and raped for many years by multiple family members as well. I was also forced to engage with females, neighbors, and a few classmates that would spend the night at our home. For a long time I suppressed those horrible memories but once puberty set in and guys started to approach me every intricate detail came flooding back into my mind. I thought I was going crazy to think those types of thoughts of my family. But there was another person in every memory so I asked her and she said it really happened. I was devastated! I attempted suicide several times after that. I couldn’t function I felt disgusting! I took bleach baths and scrubbed my skin until it burned. Things were pretty bad for a long time. I started to abuse my prescription drugs and was almost committed into a psychiatric facility 3 times but my mom signed the waiver to release me in her care. After about 10 different therapists and all of the antipsychotics one could try I began to heal. I’m now 38 years old. I’m deeply in love with my fiancé. I have 4 wonderful children and my life is just beginning. Thank you again Tamar for this platform!

  87. “I’m so greatful that I’m not living in my past anymore! Everyday is a battle, but I have to remember that today is better then by childhood past. I do have a choice!”

    Everyday I have to tell myself the words above. It breaks my heart that the stories above are so common, but am so grateful because the past does not control us and i hear it in your stories, which is your voice. It encourages me and strengthens me that even when I had to make tough decision in my life to overcome the negative around me, I know I will be okay. I find myself in each of the stories I’ve read in this blog and it’s takes me back to my past, but it reminds me of who I am today, what I’m living and fighting for and that’s is me. My life today is not perfect, buts its okay compare to my childhood past.

    I am 50 years old and what I have learn is that the past always stays with you and is a daily battle… One day at a time is the best peace of mind… love to all!!!!

  88. I have always been the “black sheep” in my family… the people I lived with, my cousins (on both sides), out of all the grandchildren… you name it and I didn’t fit anywhere… when I was 7 or 8 my older brother would touch me & “play” inappropriate “games” with me… at the time I really knew nothing about sex or the opposite sex so I didn’t know it was wrong but I knew it made me feel uncomfortable… but before that started he would always hurt me… punch, kick, choke… everything. So when the sexual assaults started I was already terrified of him & I knew if I told someone they would never believe me & I was scared that they (my parents) would hurt me really bad or even kill me to shut me up…still to this day they all have physically abused me as a family. Four years ago when I was pregnant with my son my brother hit me & pushed me to the ground & my parents begged me to NOT call the police (which I didn’t) but that was one of my biggest regrets because now they are trying to destroy my family (husband & kids) because they know that’s the only thing in this world that would truly hurt me. I have only told one person this story EVER & that was my husband… Tamar thank you for providing a safe place to be heard.

  89. Today on Wendy Williams Show you shared with the whole world. I’m sorry that you and all these beautiful women in these comments had to endure pain and struggles. Although you cannot forget, I hope you all can eventually heal from these dark times. May God fill your hearts from pain and sorrows. God Bless.

  90. Hi Tamar and friends i love You so much but I’m gonna get straight to my story well it started when i was About 7 years old and ever since then it was very Bad for me and the fact that it happened by someone who was supposed to protect me and love me and be there for me didn’t really make it better. Being Molested by my brother was awful and it kept constantly happening to me until i realized it was wrong and that wasn’t till i was About 11 years old it’s honestly broken me down a lot in life but even though i overcame something so horrible and ugly i am Still beautiful inside and out with my war wounds and so is everyone else on this website may god bless you all and i hope You all have a great day

  91. My Life has been an uphill batte since birth. I was born to parent who hated the sight of me. Given to the only woman on this earth who ever saw something in me, only to lose her and be given to a man who hated me with everything in his soul (my father). I was brought to the US from Jamaica when I was about 10 years old and have been taking care of myself since. I suffer from severe depression, anxiety and fear of abandonment. I’m a single mother to the most amazing 7 year old little girl anyone can ask for but I feel like I don’t deserve her. I work 2 jobs, 7 days per week and in school for nursing, living in a tiny little apartment, no help from family, few friends and I just feel like life is passing me by while I’m playing catch up. I struggle daily to keep myself and my little girl a float. I have family all over some near some far but they all neglect me because of the hatred and lies my father has spread.
    Majority of my family told me to abort my daughter when they learned that I was pregnant, I was 5.5-6 months along and refused. I was basically shunned. My father placed a lock on the refrigerator in our house so I was unable to eat any of the food, forcing me to seek public assisting but my own groceries. I have been working ever since. I tried so hard to mend what was never a relationship between my father and I, nothing helps and I’ve given up.
    I am suffering financially and emotionally. I beat myself up on a daily that I am unable to provide the bare essentials for my daughter and myself. I have no one to turn to, nights like this I lay here and just cry in silence because I refuse to let my daughter see me break down.
    I pride myself to be helpful to others without seeking anything in return, that has gotten me absolutely nowhere. I come across people who simply use me, when there is nothing left for them to take, they leave. I have suicidal thoughts on my worse day and even my best days. I fear that I will end up being the type of parent my dad was to me, to my daughter; I’d rather die. My father was mentally, physically and emotionally abusive to me. He once beat me so bad I had a swollen jaw and bruised ribs and had to lie to the school counsel out of fear that I would be heated again. After the birth of my daughter my family teased me about being fat and cause me to become anorexic weight 90lbs soaking wet.

    I carry a lot of baggage and it’s so hard to unpack and move on. I can’t seem to catch a break, everywhere I turn there’s something. I’m tired, mentally and physically drained. I’m unsure how much longer I can carry on like this. Unable to provide for my child physically, financially and emotionally; I’m a failure, not short of that.

    Thanks for listening

    1. NO! your are not a failure you are a great perosn and had need to take care of yourself and your baby.
      take it on day at a time. I dont know where you live but im sure if you go to your church or community center you will fnd hope and help. please don’t give up

    2. Jesus loves you so much! He sees your hurt and if you open up to him and love him back i promise he will provide for you, show you the way, & open major doors for you. You want the answer…JESUS is the way!!!!!!

  92. My name is Darhonda Arthur and i recently was involved in domestic abuse. It happen july 3,2018 was the day i thought i lost my life by the guy that so say love and care for me. I was shot from my right side neck and the bullet travel o
    Out the left side if my jaw into my left shoulder which shattered many bones in it. I also still have the bullet enlarge in my left shoulder which doctors cant take out. My shoulder has a plate on it due to lost bones. When it happen my 4 younger children were home and im just so blessed God woke me up on july 10 to see life again and be able to be with my children. Even though the bullet has messed teeth up and part of my jaw and now im unable to work im here to tell women and men thats been in a domestic violence they are not alone. Some days are good for me and some arent because i think about what happen and why he just couldnt let me go. I was verbally and mentally abuse by the guy i was dating and afraid to tell anybody because i was looking out for everybody else safety instead of keeping myself safe from him. A woman should never have to experience this type of pain. Im only 34 years old and thongs i love to do with my hands i cant right now. I just want anyone thats going thru this right now to get out as they can dont stay because i didnt think i survive the gun shot and just thankful fo a second chance at life.

  93. My first memory of the sexual abuse is of having his penis in my mouth and a warm liquid on my tongue. I was 5 and he was 9, so I didn’t know what it was but since he was a boy and boys used their penis to pee that is what it must have been. A few days later he said he was thirsty so I got a glass from the kitchen and urinated in it and tried to give it to him. My Mom caught me and I got a spanking and sent to my room. I couldn’t articulate how I felt or why I would do something like that so she didn’t know what was going on and what kept going on until she caught us a few years later. We both got spanked and sent to our respective rooms – really one large room with a semi-permanent divider of two by fours with paneling on one side. He would bother me when I went to the bathroom, when I bathed, late at night and when my parents took their nap on the weekends.

    I once read that victims of abuse try to self-medicate with drugs, alcohol and or food. I am 45 years old and have been overweight since I was twelve, about the time the abuse stopped because my brother moved out when he was 18. I hate that I would seek the abuse out because he made me feel good while it was happening, he was finally nice to me when I gave in and did what he wanted. I still feel like a fraud and completely unworthy of love and happiness. I weigh 278 and am married to an alcoholic that gets drunk and tells me what a horrible person I am that I’m a liar and a cunt. He usually doesn’t apologize when he’s sober. He hasn’t worked in over 6 years and now my disabled sister and her 12 year old live with us. I have my own business and it’s either feast or famine so I spend all my money on food and bills so I can’t get away from him. We live with his mother and she’s ill and he will inherit the house soon and I’ve put so much money and time into it that I feel I should inherit at least some of it. Thank you for listening and I wish you all the best.

  94. Being abused comes in many different forms. I am proud of the woman who have posted their stories here to motivate us to speak out. My story is also with family members. My being in the US today is running away from Female Genital mutilation. I have scars on me that I am ashamed of today. It has limited me from wearing certain clothes and constantly reminds me that I was held against my will. What makes this difficult is knowing that people in your family won’t help you out of this because they accept it as a normal thing. It still goes even though it has been banned. I tell you no lie, it comes with guys touching you all in the name of cleansing and protection. Hey, but look at God! My life isn’t perfect, I am here. I am still standing, and most importantly I have an incredible and adorable three years old boy. God is good. Glad I can finally share this with my sisters and friends! Loads of love to everyone who has been through something but is still pushing through. You are strong and beautiful. Thanks, Tamar! Love and respect, mama.

  95. I will never forget the way a man’s belt buckle sounds when it’s not fastened. My uncle used to come upstairs to my room after every one was asleep. He molested me from 6yrs old to 10. When I turned 8 an older male cousin started raping me and in my mind I thought it was because my uncle had shared with him what he was doing to me. Thankfully my cousin moved away and it didn’t last long but it was etched into my brain that men will just do what they want and get away with it. My uncle told me no one would believe me so I tried to take my own life, I didn’t want to live like that. Thankfully God decided it was not my time.

    I have been married several times and they all ended in divorce. I have been thru my share of domestic violence were I was beaten and had broken bones. Used and abused but thank God I am still standing.

    I started therapy just recently within the last couple of months and it has been a tremendous help. I shake my head when I think about some of the things I have been thru in my life. There are so many strong women that have been thru things we did NOT deserve, we are the PRETTIEST girls. Tamar I have been a fan for many years and I thank you for having the courage to share. Thank you for giving those without a voice a platform to share our stories. Thank you all for sharing and I hope that someone finds strength thru this site. I have read all of the stories and each one touched me and I see myself in most of them. Be strong PRETTY GIRLS! Know your Worth!

  96. Molested by my Dad. Removed from the home and only to be placed in the a home where I was then molested by my grandfather, 2 uncles and sodomized by my cousin over and over again. Then got into a mentally and emotionally abusive marriage that lasted well over 20yrs. I am just now at age 47yrs getting to know myself. Its so emotional to talk about and I’m not there yet. This is a great start. Thank you

  97. I was sexually abused by my moms husband best friend when I was 12 and I never told anyone about this because I was afraid of how people .y look at me every day b4 school he would drop stuff and tell me to bend over and pick it up for him I was so scared one night he came into my room and started feeling on me than he tired to take off my clothes but i got and and ran in my brothers room and I told my mother and she didn’t believe me I thank God that he left and never came back because he got locked up not for me but from him doing that to another young lady

  98. Thank you Tamar for providing this forum. So that dark secrets that have been in our souls can finally be set free. That we don’t have to take the horrible secrets to,our grave. I have not ever spoken about this only to my husband. My children don’t know and they are grown I could not bare the shame to tell them. I only had the courage to tell my 2nd husband of 19 yrs and it took me a while to do that. As a young child my mother would always grocery shop on fridays upon coming home from elementary school she would always have my older brother watch me. He was 5 yrs older. He would not leave me alone he always chased me around the house and pretend he was wrestling me only to put his hands in my pants and touch my private areas. I was very afraid I would try to hide in my room but he would always get in. This happened over a long period of time. I hated fridays because I knew what would happen to me. When I finally got up the courage to tell my mother one Friday upon her arriving home from the grocery store she didn’t believe me. And that hurt me deeply. I felt like I had no one to turn to or talk to. It made me rebel against my mother and we were never close and our relationship was very strained all,our lives. I am now 65 and she has since passed away. It was never made right. Nor do I have any relationship with the brother who did this to me. He can rot in hell as far as I am concerned. He took something from me that I could never get back my innocence. No child sormadult deserves to have this happen to them ever. I wanted to get out of that house so bad as a teen I ran away from home twice only to be brought back. So at 19 I ran into a guy I went to high school with and started dating him only to get married to him 4months after we started dating as a way to get out of there. I wasn’t in love and I thought I could make it work. Within the first year the physical abuse started . He couldn’t have a disagreement without hitting me and then come the verbal abuse along with it for 25 yrs until one day I had the strength to walk out. It’s been a long hard road with lots of scars along the way lots of sadness and depression at times but I am still alive and still standing praise God. He had a better plan God led me to my true soulmate and we have been married 19yrs. Life is too short to go thru unhappy. I have girl balls now I am strong and no one is going to do that to me again or I will snap someone will go down. Thank you again for this page to support each other and tell the secrets that we carry around. Now it’s no longer a secret.

  99. Love you so much for making a safe space like this for us who have been abused in any type of way. I was just a little girl when I was molested (that word was so hard to even type) by my grandmas husband (not my biological grandpa). And then a few years later when I was maybe 8 or 9 I was molested and asked if I liked sex by my uncles girlfriends dad. I can just remember the way I felt I didn’t know what to say I was just a little girl I didn’t want to answer the question wrong I was so stuck it was such a horrible feeling. I can remember to this day the way my body felt it was so weird like it just shut down or something I began to stutter I just wanted to run away but it’s like I couldn’t. I remember him saying it’s our secret and no one needed to know. And I wish I was strong enough to speak up and tell someone I carried that secret for a very very long time I just felt so ashamed of myself and hurt I couldn’t even imagine telling someone what had happened to me. I felt so violated once again. Then when I was 21 I was rapped by two men they ripped the top back of my dress to pull me in. I have a lump in my throat as I’m typing. It actually happened earlier this year. After it happened I just wanted to kill myself I felt so horrible about myself. I didn’t understand why these kind of things kept happeneing to me. It’s a painful thing to try and swallow. To be robbed of being able to say no stop and them actually listen. I’m 21 gonna be 22 in November and I have yet to find an unconditional or even healthy love life it’s typically just sex for me which is so sad. I know I’m young but I also know this is not normal. I don’t sleep around with multiple guys at a time. I’ll sleep with one guy for a couple years but it never turns into a relationship I can’t find myself to be able to trust and love properly I guess. And then I go a few years without any man then get one have sex with him for a few years and it becomes and endless cycle with no love or substance. There’s only been two men in my short life that I have actually wanted more from but both were damaged and not actually good. I’m not sure what’s wrong with me. I’ve suffered from anxiety and depression since I was young I remember the first time I thought about killing myself was in the 2nd grade because I knew my life was not normal. I know that’s almost pathetic but I can’t help with the way my brain has reacted to events that have happened in my life. As I’m getting older I’m learning to be more strong and understanding of my struggles and using them to better myself growth, and love for myself. I still have my low moments at times when I question everything and get really sad but it will always be a constant battle but my ladies we are beautiful! We are strong! We are WOMEN! And no one can take that from us. They have robbed me of my innocence, my right to say no, my soul, and my body. But still I stand with my head up and feet to the ground. Because I deserve to be ok I deserve to be happy I deserve love and I deserve peace. And every day I will try to work towards that. Stay strong my beautiful sisters you are all loved!

  100. When I was about 10 years old, my loving and merciful Heavenly Father God spared me from being a victim of molestation by a stranger I was left alone with. And as soon as the old man started to carry out his perverted, sinful and pedophile intentions with me. God sent the people who left me alone with the old man back into the room where I was placed (sitting) on the lap of the old man (by him) who was about to place his hands under my dress and grope, fondle and (probably) rape me. I was so young innocent, naive and trusting of everyone (especially the elderly) whom I was taught to respect and obey as a child, that I didn’t know anything about sex, rape or groping. I was raised in a very sheltered Catholic and conservative home, where sex was not spoken of or taught to children. So, I gratefully praise The Almighty God our Creator for this platform and portal for peoples (men and women) to share their stories and experiences that will help their voices to be heard and their hearts and lives to heal as a result of them talking about and sharing their unfortunate and horrible abuses and sufferings. Just know and NEVER forget that your Heavenly Father God (Jehovah/English-Yahweh/Hebrew) was there with you (and is ALWAYS with you/us). Just like He was there with His only begotten son Christ Jesus when he was persecuted, suffered and was brutally tortured and killed on Calvary 2000+ years ago for (because of) our sins. The Bible says that we shall suffer as Christians or Believers in God in…2 Timothy 3:12 (KJV Bible) – “Yea, and all that will live godly in Christ Jesus shall suffer persecution”. God had a plan and purpose for Jesus’ life and He has a plan and purpose for your life and our lives. And, God will ALWAYS use what others meant for evil to hurt or harm you/us for good says His Holy Word in…Romans 8:28 (KJV Bible) – “And we know that ALL (the good and the bad) things work together for good to them that love God, to them who are the called according to his purpose.” Amen. And REMEMBER what Joseph (a man of God) said in… Genesis 50:20 (KJV Bible)- “But as for you, you meant evil against me; but God meant it for good, in order to bring it about as it is this day, to save many people alive.” (or , to change them; to bring Glory to God; to make a person stronger; to get them to turn or return to God; or to discipline them because of their sins) the Bible says in…Hebrews 5:8 (KJV)-“Though he (Jesus; Christians; Believers; Children of God) were a Son, yet learned he (or she) obedience by the things which he (or she) suffered;”. Please read “The book of Job” (or Job 1:1-3:26 (KJV Bible)-The beginning of Job’s suffering and Job 42:10-17 (KJV Bible)-The end of his suffering and the blessings that God gave him) his story will bless, help and comfort you in many ways. Amen. Hallelujah! Sufferings of any kind should ALWAYS bring or return us to our Heavenly Father God who loves us and disciplines us when we sin, do wrong and disobey Him. Please PRAY and ask God to help you (like He’s helped and saved me from my sins and its death penalty says…Romans 6:23 (KJV Bible)-“For the wages of sin is death, but the gift of God is eternal life through Jesus Christ our Lord”). He’s been patiently waiting for you to HUMBLE yourself and ask for His help and blessings (like I did and will always do). Ask Him to change you (and save you, if you’re not saved) and to forgive the person(s) who hurt and abused you (like I did and do). God says we MUST love and forgive our enemies in…Matthew 5:44 (KJV Bible)-“But I say unto you, Love your enemies, bless them that curse you, do good to them that hate you, and pray for them which despitefully use you, and persecute you”. God says in….Roman 12:19 (KJV Bible) – “Vengeance is mine; I will repay, saith the Lord”. People (or brethren in the Christian Faith), we CAN NOT live for Satan (or in sin) and be blessed by God at the same time. God says throughout the Bible, that if you sin, He will punish you and you WILL suffer and die as a result of your sins. But, if you turn or return to God and obey Him, He will bless you, answer your prayers, save you and give you “ETERNAL LIFE”… READ His promise for yourself in… 2 Chronicles 7:14 (KJV Bible)-“If my people, which are called by my name, shall humble themselves, and pray, and seek my face, and turn from their wicked ways; then will I hear from heaven, and will forgive their sin, and will heal their land (bodies and lives).” And in…Deuteronomy 11:26-28-“Behold, I set before you this day a blessing and a curse; A blessing, if ye obey the commandments of the LORD your God, which I command you this day: And a curse, if ye will not obey the commandments of the LORD your God, but turn aside out of the way which I command you this day, to go after other gods, which ye have not known.”. Please READ your Bible DAILY, OBEY it and LIVE it and God will bless, help and save you, and you will NEVER suffer again or die in His soon to come Heavenly kingdom. Amen. Hallelujah! The Bible says in…Revelations 21:3-8-“And God shall wipe away all tears from their eyes; and there shall be no more death, neither sorrow, nor crying, neither shall there be any more pain: for the former things are passed away”. This is your Heavenly Father and God’s message of TRUTH to you via your sister in the Christian faith, which loves you very much and wants God to bless you in every way all the days of your life. Amen. To request prayer and be blessed by God via our Nonprofit “Help Helps” Christian Organization visit our Blog/website at ( As God blesses me I will freely allow God to bless others via “The Problem Solver” project and ministry He’s called me to share His Gospel and truth through. So, if you have ANY questions or concerns (personal, business or Biblical) please contact “Help Helps” Organization and its Problem Solver service and get God’s help via prayer, etc. Amen. Hallelujah! I’m praying for you all. May God continue to bless and guide you safely through life, and use your life and testimonies to educated, bless and help others according to His will and purpose for all of your lives. Also, be safe, wise and prepared; so that you can avoid any future abuse (if possible, if not, then put in God’s hands via prayer to help and protect you). Amen. Hallelujah! Please SHARE this message with others you know are hurting and our “Help Helps” Organizations (The Problem Solver Blog/website). Thank you very much.

  101. From when I was about 9-10 years old to about 13 or 14 I was molested by my own father. I am 20 years old now and just now In my life deciding to deal with it and talk about it more to heal and move on in my life. I kept that secret for years, when I was about 13/14 I finally came out and told my mom what’s been happening all these years. It was very hard to tell her, I didn’t think she would believe me. That was always the fear in the back of my mind and was one of the reasons why I was scared to tell her. Luckily she believed me the moment it came out my mouth. Yeah she was hurt but she knew she had to let the man she loved, go. When I decided to tell my mom, my “ father “ had gotten locked up so it was very easy for me to tell her without him around. The reason why I felt like I couldn’t tell her when he was there was because I didn’t want him to hurt my mom or me because of the secret I told. He was very abusive so I didn’t want my mom to get hurt even more. After that I was very relieved through the years In a way. I cried myself to sleep most of the times, the moments when I didn’t tell anybody yet, I was thinking crazy and suicidal because I didn’t feel special. I was broken inside and out and didn’t know what to do and how to deal with it. If it wasn’t for me telling my mom and family, and her having faith, I honestly don’t know where I would be right now and how I would have dealt with it. I was in the process of going to court for it when I was 13/14, but I opt out of it because I was scared to face him again and didn’t want it to be an open court so he didn’t get to go to jail for what he’s done. Recently I decided to
    Finally deal with it 100% and go to counseling and I must say that I should have went a long time ago because it made me feel so much better and I became more positive in my life. It worked out so well for me that it made me want to write a book about what I’ve been through and saw growing up. It’s not done yet, but when it’s done, I want the world to see it and want the world to hear my story. No matter what you been through, you should never feel like your not special anymore or beautiful or worth being on earth. No need to be ashamed. Everyone goes through something and has scars that need healing, and you will get there, it just takes time. Have faith! Stay prayed up! Everything will be fine!

  102. I had been molested by a person in my family when I was a kid. At the time, I couldn’t understand why and what he was doing but I do know he was on top of me: kissing and touching me. For years, I’ve always felt different and I couldn’t understand why. But then one day, someone had shared me her story of being molested and for some reason it had made me think about that event: ‘is that what happen to me?’ I’ve asked a sexual assualt counselor and my therapist about my situation and they both comfirmed that it was sexual assault. Here’s the big question: how can I tell my mom? that was the hardest thing ever because I don’t want her to have worries and to feel guilty about what happened to me. I talked to her about it and she was shocked but it brought us closer. I want to thank Tamar for being so transparent about her story and everyone else who are coming forth with their stories. It’s a blessing to be in a generation where people are saying enough is enough. Thank you Tamar and please continue to heal

  103. as a young girl i was sexual abused by my own brother foe yeara age 5 to 12 everyday i have to fight against the struggle of my past suicide attempts drugs more sexual abuse from men thats family and even ones that wasnt my face beat in every other day by a woman i am only 25 battling addiction mental illness and depression bur im taking back my power my sanity my body i pray everyday that i continue to heal thanks tamar for being a window for us ..

  104. My Story…molested by mother and father for about 18 years of my life. I have an older sister and my parents had their favorite sexual daughter. My sister was my dads, I was my moms. Mom used the family dog on me in several sickening ways. She also used satanic rituals with crosses being put inside me, etc. Somehow I am a well-adjusted, hard working, mom & wife…I owe that only by the Grace of God. Mom died about 18 years ago of brain cancer. I was there….she never admitted to anything even on her death bed. I just recently have been left with the arduous task of making sure my father is taken care of. I have a place in heaven, no doubt. Sick world out there people. We have to all know that none of this sickening/evil was our fault. Just some really sick people living in this world. God saved me. He can save you too.

  105. Thrived thru a marriage with a Narcissist. Warrior of Narcissistic Abuse for roughly 7yrs. Still co exist and try my best to parallel parent (bc co-parenting would never be attainable with someone who is so manipulative) with said abuser. I now am an advocate and speaker on this topic along with other abuse awareness topics including teen dating violence. I will be speaking at several national Conferences this fall addressing these and other related topics. I also educate professionals in this field and how to assist employees who may be going through it by providing staff development and consultation to their HR department. Future goals are to further advocate through privatizing courts for DV cases and educating court professionals on Narcissistic Abuse which would help in making court orders and decisions that are reasonable and logical and not manipulated by either party. All of my events and media etc are posted on my website:

    My IG provides education and empowerment to ppl especially women going through this. @rebirth_journey.

    I wrote a memoir on my experiences going through an emotionally/verbally toxic and Narcissistic abusive marriage and how I escaped to provide readers a relatable story and education on what psychological abuse looks like bc there is more abuse types than just physical. The book is called “Rebirth Memoir: Journey to Acceptance” and can be found on Amazon.

    It is very difficult to understand. It’s even more difficult to escape. But it can be done. My goal is not to convince or even help the women escape. That comes from within and the person has to be ready on their own accord. My goal and purpose is to provide education, advocacy, and resources to the Women who choose to escape and escape.. bc for the ones that do we know leaving isn’t the end. The story doesn’t stop there it just begins. It’s about healing after. It’s about not regressing. It’s about not making the same decisions and choices and repeating the cycle or pattern. It’s about preventing it from happening again and thriving from it! Thanks Tamar for the platform to continue to discuss #RevealToHeal

  106. I was abused and molested by my mother since age 4 years old I remember the first time was in the bathtub. She also put bleach in my favorite water cup as a child and tild people I drank bleach by accident. she was a very dominant and aggressive woman who always had control of my dad. when I became verbal about my abuse she told my dad it was lies and family members brain washed me. The abuse continued from age 4-19 until I moved out.Ive made bad relationship and friend choices bc of it. I have trust issues and no support especially in the black community. Im a mother of one I have to deal with everything alone but I find my stregnth in music and God. I now believe that she has my father using drugs in his old age in order to control him but im the only one who knows.No one listens to or believes or cares about anything I say. Please anyone reading pray for my stregnth,stability and sanity.

  107. After reading others comments, I felt compelled to share my story. I would like people to see that they are not alone. You are not unloved, you are not unwanted! Even though I may never meet you, or I may never speak to you in person, I may not ever be able to give you a hug, I LOVE YOU,! I feel your pain in your words that reaches the depth of our souls. Thank you fo being brave enough to share your stories, here I go:

    I was physically beaten since I was 4 years old by many people in my life. My husband, My brother,my mother, my boyfriends, my friends several rapist, white men because I am a person of color, bullies in my classroom both girls and boys all during different times in my life for approximately 40 years. Until I secluded and isolated myself from everyone. I started to work on myself and being okay with just being alone with myself and not needing another single person in the world to make me complete. I didn’t need the love of a man or a mother or a child. I just needed to know that God loved me and I went on the road to recovery, I am still on that road after 15 years.

    I lost my virginity to a rapist, a friend of my mother, when I was 14. I was drugged again and raped at 19 by a stranger, I woke up in the middle of the rape and was choking, he lifted my motionless body put my head to the side of the bed and I vomited, I could have died had he not done that. I went unconscious again. The horror of these two rapes devastated my soul took away my innocence and my will to live in this life. Rape injures your inner being that time and bandages can not heal, the brutality of rape, the withdrawal of part of your soul is unique to any other abuse we may suffer in our lives.
    This type of injury time and healing is ineffectual, it stays inside the depth of your being for the rest of your life. Society’s ability to shame or disregard these rapes, molestation and sexual offenses aggravates the injury.

    All of the physical beatings in my life never caused the damage that came with being raped or molested by someone.

    I wasn’t saved by another human being but by miraculous intervention and God has been my healer my generator. He is my Prince of Peace in my soul that was taken away from em by pure evil the works of the prince of darkness.

    That is what saved me my soul being save by our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ. I can stand in this life knowing that justice will come one day for all those that are evil.

    Iin the meantime, I have become a social justice warrior and try to help those in our world that have been injured, if I can overcome this suffering, than I will do everything in my power to help others!


  108. I’m still at that place of secrecy Tamar. I’m 50+ years old and never told anyone even though I was very close to my parents. It happened when I was 7 or 8 years old even looking at old school pictures I could see the change in my face my smile a blank look in the eyes. The fear was that my mother and father would not believe me and somehow it would be turned around and be made to look like it was my fault. I thought that as a 7 or 8 year old…the fear of not being believed kept me silent. The fear of breaking up my family kept me silent. About 5 years ago I told my mother and she said she found it hard to believe that that happened to me and why wouldn’t I tell her since we were so close. She still doesn’t believe it. Why would I make this up? I wouldn’t. I told her this is the reason why I never told you when it happened to me because I was afraid I would get the same response you just gave me “I find that hard to believe that that happened to you”. I told her I chose to tell her now as a 50+ adult woman because 1) I thought her response would be this and I was right so I made the right call as a kid and left home at 16 2) It no longer matters to me whether she or anyone believes me or not I don’t need any one else to believe me I’m not a little girl anymore looking for that kind of reinforcement. It happened. What I learned from this is that I was one strong little kid. I’ve battled depression for most of my life and 5 years ago I started getting healthy and no longer battle depression like I did in the past. I never put it all together before but after the 115 pound weight loss was when I had the courage to share that secret with my mom. I like who I am today so I don’t think I’d want to change anything…God is good and had gotten me through so many battles

  109. I was sexually abused by Rondra Lafayette Lewis a.k.a Dray Lewis. He would abuse me multiple times a week when no one was home or when it was just my little brother and I at home. The sexual abuse started at the age of 5 and went on until I was 15 years young. He took my innocence. He would also spy on me using disguised cameras or sometimes a regular camera. Still to this day, I am so paranoid. I don’t even use public restrooms because I feel like there might be a camera. I always feel like I’m being watched. I will never just be comfortable or content ever again. Being sexually abused not only hurt me physically but it has also hurt me mentally and emotionally. I have been depressed and I have very bad anxiety. I take medicine but even sometimes the medicine isn’t enough. I would one day like to help other girls out there like me who have been through the same thing. This must stop! God bless.

  110. I’ve been operating from a place of pain for years. I’ve been abused several ways. Family friends men. I grew up not knowing my value or self worth. The first time someone called me fat or told me I was pretty for a big girl or pretty for a darkskin girl I believed it because I never heard it before. Daughter to a mother of 6 4th child 1 daughter and she treated me like shit. Only daughter to my father and he loved his step kids more than he did me. My pain goes so deep. First sexual encounter was with a girl at maybe 9 no one was around to tell me it wasn’t right then it happened with someone way older than me. No one was there to protect me I had to protect and provide for everyone else. Then it happened with my sister. Which at the time I didn’t know it was wrong. I blocked those thoughts out until recently. I’ve been wanting to kill my self every since because of the shame hurt and pain. I can take what happened to me but not my sister she’s the one I wanted to protect and I failed her. Those experienced shaped me. I started watching porn shortly after and mastubating daily multiple times a day. I wanted to stay a virgin until I got married. Lost my virginity at 19 to a male who never saw me only my body. I needed to prove to myself that I wasn’t gay. After that all my relationships were the same and have been up until now. I became very promiscuous in the way that I dressed and saw myself love didn’t love in me only pain. I’m finally had enough of not loving me. I don’t know what it feels like to be loved by a man but I want to know and I need and want to heal. This is the start for me thank you Tamar. You saved me and all of you for sharing

  111. I was attending college at Bowie State University. I had been in a relationship with my boyfriend who did not attend Bowie for 3 years at the time. We were going through a rough time and one night I decided to drink ALOT! My friends and I went upstairs to one of our guy friends room. This guy had helped me with my homework given me advice and had just been what I thought was a great friend to me. Well before I knew it we ended up in his bedroom and it was just the two of us. He had hinted that he like me a few time but I was very committed to my then boyfriend and made it very clear that I wanted nothing from this guy we were just friends. I was so drunk the room was spinning. He started to kiss on me and I kept pushing him off laughingly saying stop. He was a football player and very much stronger than me. He continue to do what he wanted to do and raped me. He went into the bathroom and I quickly ran out of the room to see that we were the only ones left in the apartment WHERE DID MY FRIENDS GO?! Why would they leave me here drunk. I ran out of the apartment and back to my own. I remember screaming and crying I called my boyfriend and he couldn’t make out what I was saying. I never told anyone what happened not even my boyfriend. A few months later I get a call from my doctor saying I have chlamydia. I felt mortified discussing and robbed. My boyfriend also contracted chlamydia. Not only did this man crush my spirit he crushed my soul. When I finally told my boyfriend two years later what happened to me because he cheated on me and threw in my face that I burned him he literally turned his back and blamed me for being drunk. Intoxicated or not I gave no one permission to abuse my body as if I were a rag doll. I’ve dealt with it I’ve healed from it I’ve forgiven and I am restored!

  112. My Prayers and heart felt empathy are definitely with you at this time. I was in an abusive marriage and returned 3 times only to finally learn that God is my Shephard! And when I truly accepted Jesus as my Personal Savior and began to walk in a Personal Relationship with him on a daily basis; God gave me the strength I needed to stay away! Yes, I am a woman with sexual feelings and pray that I meet the right Saved-Born Again Man to marry this time around. However, until I do meet a nice Saved Christian man God is proven himself in my life by his written word being manifested by his Living Word: Please read these scriptures: Isaiah 54:1-17=NO WEAPON, Psalms 23=GOD IS YOUR SHEPHARD, Isaiah 45:1-3=GOD WILL MAKE THE CROOKED PLACES STRAIGHT AND GIVE YOU WEALTH FROM SECRET PLACES, Isaiah 65:24=CALL ON YOUR GOD AND HE WILL ANSWER! Please know for a certainty that there is a Man who proved his love for you and his name is Jesus Christ who died and Rose again from the Grave to Give you the Victory over Every Giant and Enemy in your life! Please check out my book and read my story on Amazon: “How I Learn to Trust God: No Matter What! God loves you! (Feel free to call me at (816)516-9315.

  113. I’m reading these stories with tears in my eyes. Here I am, almost 60 years old thinking about the rape that occurred when I was 12. I spent the night at my best friend’s house. I was 12. Her brother was 16. He climbed in the bed with us. She got up and sat in a chair while he had sex with me. I was bleeding. I cried and went home the next day. I never told anyone. I thought it was my fault. I never told anyone. my hair started falling out. I never told anyone. I was so ashamed. The feelings of shame are still there. not having hair -“a woman’s shining glory”- I don’t have. that’s my punishment. I finally told my husband. He accepted me bald and “used”. he was verbally and emotionally abusive, but he loved me. I stayed in the marriage for 30 years. I cheated. I left. again I felt shame and unclean. I have a difficult time in relationships now. I don’t want anyone to touch me. on the outside everyone thinks I have it all together even thought they think I’m detached and can come across as mean. I am loving and help everyone. I know God loves me.

  114. I was sodomized, verbally, emotionally and physically abused my boyfriend. He always found a way to tie all of his insecurities back to me and make it seem like they were my problem. Every day he disrespected me and called me names. My last day with him he tried to kill me and I had to run in the woods bare foot in order to hide from him.

  115. Comment
    My NO was taken by so called boyfriends. Once at 13 and sadly again in my 20’s. I’ve always be so strong not really talking about this with anyone, except two people that probably could not really relate to the magnitude of what having your NO taken means. I was very good at hiding my feelings, until now. After hearing you sing this song and being on this website – it immediately brought tears to my eyes. Thank you so much for allowing us to express ourselves without being tracked on the internet.

  116. Comment Hello,

    I too like so many of the previous MY STORY Sistahs/Bruthas was molested at a very early age by a close family member, father and subsequentially multiple family members and other men of power in my life. Having my NO stripped of me at such an early age has played a crucial part in my life…I have allowed it to make me their perpetual victim. The victim who believes that this horrible thing that is happening to you must be because YOU don’t count…YOU are unworthy and are only as valuable as what can be taken of your person. Imagine, I a young AA girl whose father is emotionally absent, but physically present enough to take advantage of her innocence. YOU become a “People Pleaser” which means YOU don’t count! I have lived most of my life(55yrs)devoting my time to what is best for others and acting out in many not so healthy ways just trying to get unconditional LOVE. The LOVE that says that I am worthy of my OWN family, career, and happiness.

    Today, through the love of GOD, Therapy and the love and support of family and friends I find my self-doing more, speaking up more and simply enjoying my good enough right here in this moment SELF YAY ME!

    So, I thank you, Ms. Tamar, for creating this forum and all of you that have been Brave and Kind enough to share.
    If no one has told any of you today, please let me be the first to say I LOVE EACH AND EVERYONE OF YOU BECAUSE YOU ARE WORTHY JUST BECAUSE YOU ARE YOU!

  117. Comment

    “you are not alone, you will heal, you are not to blame, you are loved”
    these words have helped my healing process. Forgiveness is key not so much for the perpetrator but for out ourselves.
    Thanks for all the survivors that shared their stories. You are fearfully and wonderfully made.

  118. I have been molested by a male and a female… Been raped over twenty times in my youth.. Was so broken that I was in a relationship with a man for 16 years that raped me initially.. Out of that .. I was blessed with 3 beautiful children.. Yes.. I had kids and even fell in love with my rapist.. I am no longer in that relationship.. I learned to love myself.. I actually fell in love with myself..I realized how AWESOME I am and I realized that there were things that I needed to improve.. My new journey fighting things from my past concerns my kids.. It is hard to trust people besides my Mom and Dad with them because I HAVE SEEN THE MONSTER if you know what I mean.. Tamar Braxton thank you for this outlet. I have been very ashamed about my past abuse.. The only reason I posted here is because it is anonymous.. Fellow rape and molestation victims just know that this sister here will always have you in my prayers.. Remember you are not alone.. It is okay to cry.. It is okay to set boundaries.. And most importantly it was not your fault! YOU did not do anything wrong! * Hugs* Maybe later I will post the stories of what happened.. But I know I will probably cry.. When I think about it.. I can still feel it.. If you know what I mean..

  119. CommentTamar, Thank you for your courageous voice! You are inspiration! I have tears in my eyes reading all the survivors stories.I am a survivor too. I was molested at the age of 5 by a female relative. My story was swept under the rug and scared me for life.. My savior was God and my grandmother. To all the survivors, you have shown your courage to tell your stories. No more living in darkness in guilt and shame. It is not your fault. The truth will set us free! God Bless All You!

  120. I was raped by my adopted father threw the ages of 9-13. I didn’t find out I was adopted until age 30. My adopted mother knew about it but said nothing. She later divorced him and got a boyfriend who also raped me, and once again she did nothing.

    Telling my story is still hard to do even at this moment.

  121. I want to say that I was just 9yrs old when it happened. I’m not sure if we can go into detail about it but all I have to say is that it was a family member. The family member was my own grandfather who was such a nice guy. He always told me he loved me. He always bought me gifts every time we hung out but.. Who would have known that was grooming…… I remember one time before that event happened ,maybe weeks before,he was telling me to dress up and change into these silky slips. And what was weird is that he had girlfriend who we all considered as my grandmother. She would help me get changed into these slips and have me walk around in it. I remember they had to tie a string to get it to stick on me and i remember how it slipped down on my shoulder and my chest was showing.I remember that day they said quickly get changed back into your regular clothes. How dumb could i have been not realize those two were sick. I remeber how nasty I felt wearing those silky slips and how weird it was for me to be showing my chest. Fast forward my “grandmother” took me by my hand took me to the room. SHe sat at this old wooden desk and pulled out this magazine and showed me pictures upon pictures of men holding there hard ons. I had no reason to think this bad… I never told my parents because I thought it was normal…….The day it happened I knew they had planned out… My father and mother were going out of town with my 4 little sisters. They said they were too young to be staying away from them…That night i just remember i was watching a show with my brother and cousin. someone pokes my shoulder and tells me to go the room and i follow without question. its dark inthe room and i can hear my brother and cousin joking in the living room. And when I go in someone leads me into the bed and……I rather not say what happened but I do know one thing I wasnt raped…I didnt have anyting like a dick inside me….I was touched sexually and disgusting was the only word ringing in m yhead as i lay there. I remember my tiny voice choking up as I tell my grandfather I f i can go back. him telling me no….when it was over I remember the light turning quickly my zipper zipping up quickly. My grandmother coming in and saying something. I coudlnt hear it was like heavy as i sat up and tried to walk away but i felt nasty. My vagina felt so nasty and used. I wanted someone to hold me.. I remember getting up and looking back at the bed and noticing my little cousin. I wonder to this day if he was being touched too.

    Days pass by and I’m home with my mom. I remember her telling my dad I’m going to my dads house. She came straight to me and said do you wanna go mama…I remember fear ripping throw my chest and i remember disgust coming over me. I tired telling her excuses and I tried saying her so many thing until I finally caved in. I went with my other sisters and I sat there in the living room of the house it happened at thinking what is he going to do to me. Luckily that day he wasnt there……Days pass again and he comes to the house to see his grandkids. He kneels down to me and touches my cheek saying if i wanted to come with him. I remember looking down at the floor and I kept saying no. He tells me this time we’ll bring our sister so you wont be alone….As soon as he leave my mom looks at me. Theres a weird look in her eyes as she sits me down on the sofa of our living room. She grabs me by hands and tells me asks why i didn’t want to go….I kept trying to evade the question trying not to answer until she hugs me and starts to cry. she asks again did something happen ? then I slowly tell her that my own grandfather touched me down there. When i told her the story she kissed my head and said I’ll be right back.
    I remember watching her walk toward her room and close the door my father was watching a movie. And then next all i heard was screaming ive never heard before. (not real name)”Dany danny Lilly!!!” I can hearm y father yelling back in fear. “What happend to lilly!??What?”

    lilly got molested by her grandfather thats what happened.

    days pass again the whole family on my moms side since it was her father were beyond shocked. They brought him to house and left him outside as they tried to talk to him about. My aunt came in and looked at me and started to cry ugly. everyone kept looking at me as if i was dying. My real grandmother calls me and starts asking me what i want. as if having a gift will solve everything. I remember telling her I wanted the new barbie cash register that came out.
    I rmeber looking out the window and seeing my uncle ,my moms brother, standing next to him. They were talking. and i remember my grandfather shaking his head and looking down at his hands. My mom takes me away from the window and sits me down. My father comes in and he sits net to me and they ask me if anything else happened to me. And i tell them a new detail i hadnt wanted to say but my cousin,who was boy and 2 years older then me, had told them what i had said. There was more details………………………………So much stuff happened after that …so much pain and hate…flash forward to my age 16 and i was at my grandmother house with my uncles kids and they tell me they love their grandpapa….I remember I froze up so badly. i asked them what they meant by grandpapa..they had meant him..all these years passed and they had been chilling with him and having fun. I remember reacted so badly to that. I remember thinking maybe i should kill myself so my mom can talk to her dad again. It seemed i was the sore everyone wanted to forget about. my aunt and uncle they all went and saw him and enjoyed the lime light of not having their sister,my mother, not being the apple of his eye anymore.

    Years pass again and i’m 20 years old and my grandmothers mother had died. everyone was going and I hadn’t known he was going to be there….We were in church and as he passed by i stood up and stuck the finger in his face. My little sister starts cursing him out and saying he was going to die a very slow death one day. I remember he smirked at me as i passed by… aunts and uncles were so mad at me. They were telling there kids something different because they didnt want to say grandpapa was a bad guy. My own cousins looked me as if i was a bad guy for doing that to their grandfather. They called my mom and said they were mad my mom told her well tell them whats the pint in lying. They didnt say anything more about it. They still hold anger on me for what I did??

  122. Hi Tamar, I was raped and molested at the age of 10 by my cousin boyfriend for a few years. He is now her husband. I just recently told what happened to me to my family about 2 years ago and some are her for me but most of them dis owned me. I feel ashamed and embarrassed most of the time ESPECIALLY since he is still around and coming to family functions. Thank u for being brave Tamar and sharing your story. Thank you for giving me a platform to share without the embarrassment. Love You! ❤

  123. I’ve never said or wrote the things that happened to me as a child and an adult, and just sitting here on the couch writing this is making me anxious. So where do I begin….my father raped me when I was 5 and I told my mom as soon as it happened, he pretty much got away with it, he went to jail for like a year. Then when I was 9 he threatened me and told me to tell everyone I lied and he never did such a thing so I went a long with it and told my family I lied. While all this was happening my moms new husband was beating me on a daily basis to the point that I was so depressed that I started trying to kill myself at the age of 9. When I was 11 my grandfather molested me while my grandma slept in another room. My mom was Into drugs at the time so when she left my step dad she had numerous boyfriends she brought around and most of them either molested me or made me do things I didn’t want to do like watch porn with them. I’ve let those things define me, I’m 31 now and it still haunts me and i have to deal with it everyday. Now I’m married with two children to a man that’s an alcoholic and has been verbally and physically abusive with me, i truly do love him but i have forgotten who i am. I don’t know my purpose anymore, i struggle to breath every day and if it wasn’t for my kids I don’t know where I would be right now. My life has been one thing after the other, I’ve only shared some stuff I’m still trying to figure myself out, I just want one break.

  124. Just wanted to say for anyone reading this, YOU are loved, no matter what… Don’t ever let someone take away your love and happiness.

    Life gives us many ups and downs, but its always important to believe in yourself and show yourself some love and shower it to those who need it the most.


  125. When I was young, I want to say 8 or 9, my cousin forced me to go down on him. To make matters worse, he told my other cousins that I made him do it which shouldn’t sound right to anyone who heard the rumor in my opinion. So, I distanced myself from them. When I was 11, I tried to have a boyfriend. Not on any grown shit but just to have someone call me pretty and hold my hand from time to time. The summer before 6th grade, he asked to have sex and I told him no and broke up with him. Later that year, he severely beat me up. None of my friends stopped him and it took a man driving by to force his self through the crowd of kids who watched to pull him off of me. When I got home and called a cousin for protection, he said what did that have to do with him. For 16 years, I had it in my mind that I would get hurt if I ever denied a man and that I wasnt worthy to be protected. I’m now 26 and it still makes my eyes water at the memory of loneliness and worthlessness I felt. I’m still healing from it but I thank God that he gave me peace over it. That he won’t leave me nor forsake me and if it were not for my faith, I would’ve killed myself a long time ago. Thank you for providing a space for me to get that off of my chest. I pray that anyone who reads this knows that you are worthy of protection and safety and that you are allowed to tell ppl no!! Hold on to what makes you stronger and know that your life is more valuable than a brief moment in your past. You can grow from that pain and you can be your own hero!!

  126. I was nine the first time I tried to kill myself. I didn’t know what I was doing, I thought Nyquil and/or Asprin would do it, at least if I took enough of it. 3 times, 1st Asprin, then Nyquil, then a combination of both. 3 times I tried before I broke down and wrote a letter to my mom and left it in the shower for her to find when she woke up for work. She called after I got home from school that day. I was so anxious that entire day until after school when she called. Small chit chat then, “I saw your letter. You need to stop being stupid.”. That was it, “Stop being stupid.”. I guess it worked though. That, “tough love”. I have lived to be 30 so far. But it seems to haunt me even more than being molested and humiliated by her husband.

  127. I was molested by my dads best friend when I was child and my father knew about it. He refuse to protect me because he was into the same thing as reason how he meet my stepmom, finally revealed my secrets to my family they treat me like a shit & called me lier but wish to believe a murder(my father) who is now doing life over me. I was suffer from PTSD & I have had hygiene issues since. I am often judged & made fun of because of it. I lost my mom to cancer 12 yrs ago & even before I had to grow up fast & raise my brothers without much help. Taking care of myself was the last thing I got to do. All my life I felt like a slave. I want to break the cycle praying that God answer my prayers with all of this most night I cry for change. I have a Bachelor’s Degree in Social Psychology/Criminal Justice my goal is to major in Forensic Psychology/Criminal Psychology & for once I just want something for me to better support my children & because of my health issue I don’t see it happening. I just want something for me & to happy…All my life I feel I been meant to fail & greatness is not meant for me.

  128. 😭 Thank you Tamar…upon checking this space out, I’ve been reminded that, it’s also important that I should be the first one remind myself, to view myself as beautiful, as God created me. For the first time, 😭 it’s touching to know, I can relate with someone like you, who has been singing for a while now and is someone who is known to all those who are fans or become fans of your music. I’ve had my experience of abuse as well. Recently, lately, for other reasons, I’ve come to realize, I have been lacking in self love [and self care] for a long time in my life. I really need to love myself better and focus on that, until I am ready in God’s time, in the capacity, to truly love, whomever it is, God blesses me to love and care for.

  129. I was molested by my older sister when I was young the control and manipulation she continued to have into my adult life was appalling at 36 I disconnected from my family.

  130. I was first molested as a child many times by many people in my family. I did not understand what was happening to me. Each time I told my mother, but instead, I got in trouble for allowing it to happen and the people she knew that did it to me got no repercussions. Lastly, I was molested, violated, shamed, you name it, by my step father. My mother knew about this for a long time.

    Have any of you ever been called a whore by your own mother and accused of “trying to steal her man”? Well, I have. I left my mother’s house at the age of 18, because I was tired of the torture. I told a couple of other people I trusted outside of the family, but I also made them swear to secrecy. When my mother found out I had left she told me that I was over reacting. I could go into detail about every minute and moment, but I do not have the time, strength, or patience to do so. I just wanted to share my story.

    I am 25 yrs old now and I am not where I want to be in life, but I am grateful for life. I was very suicidal when I was younger. All I want is closure and for justice to be served. Honestly, I never really got that. I really hated myself for a long time and did not understand my true value because no one told me how valuable I was and still am. I have a loving husband today and we both have a beautiful 5 year old son. My husband gave me a place to run away to when I was 18 leaving my mothers house. He was and still is my prince charming. I owe him so much for what he did for me in giving me an escape from my sad reality.

    I was persecuted by everyone I knew for leaving my mothers house to live with a boy who at the time was only 19 yrs old. No one really knew the true reason why I left my mothers house. My mother is a grandmother and I would love to have her around, but she would rather hold onto that pathetic thing she calls a husband. I have learned to move on and live my life for my son and my husband, as I feel that without them I would have been dead somewhere.

    Writing this was really hard.

  131. I too was sexually assaulted by a family member. During this time I didn’t know my dad much. I lived in western Canada. He lived eastern Canada. This happened while he was babysitting me. I was 8 years old. I was so afraid to talk because I was scared my father would never want to see me again. When I came home I told my mother she went off but when I told my father he was upset and in shock but kept asking me if I was telling the truth. His wife was in hysterics as she was forced to face her truth.

    As I older and tried to reach to certain friends and family figure out how to get over this. Some were supportive but to out it seemed that my issue was more of an annoyance than a cry for help. Many times I felt as though I could die. The consensus was as long as he didn’t penetrate you it is not sexual abuse. Which led to self desructive behaviour are further instances of sexual abuse by others.

    Everyone was tired of hearing it expect for my mother. Who was always there to support me. Who a few years ago wanted to confront him. You know when a mother has has enough. I was going to let her but I knew that if I was going to receive closure I had to confront him myself. It so happened that I called my fathers house one day and he answered. Asking who I was to leave a message I reminded him of who I was and what he did to me before he could play the hypocrite with me. He was silent but then apologized. In that moment that was all I needed. Don’t get it twisted I let him know that if I see him so much as look at a child in my presence he would spend the rest of his years getting three square meals perday. In prison.

    Taking control of my life and ridding such horrible experiences is very empowering. Am not perfect but everyday I try to be the best mother, daughter, friend, mentor I can be. I did loose 150 lbs and with that left shame, self hate and self sabotage.

    Thank you Tamar for sharing your truth and giving those victimized a safe space. I could just hug you. We all adore you!

  132. At the tender age of 6 my choice was taken; I was molested by my father. From 6-11 I was molested by him, it stopped then at 12 years old walking home in the rain I was raped by a neighbor’s “friend”. I was told I was the blame by my father and my (paternal) grandmother. How do you tell a child she is the blame for something as traumatic as that. Fast forward to my senior year in high school, I guess my “father” forgot where his room was because 2:15am on May 17th ne came in my room and raped me.. (that was it I told whomever would listen) The following year I get pregnant by my boyfriend and and at 7 months I gave birth to a baby girl. Unfortunately she passed away 13 days after birth, with that trauma came physical heartache, emotional, spiritual and mental. That was my first out break with Psoriasis and the first time a guy (my boyfriend) told me I wasn’t pretty enough to be seen with him. So now this perfect guy is being verbal abusive. But all I knew in my life was pain so I thought it was right. So I married him.. He was nice when we were out but baby once we got home I was nothing but a check, he wouldn’t let me out to get my hair done, he would tell me “I wouldn’t have sex with you if someone paid me to”, he even went as far as telling me he doesn’t like black girls. After 8 years of marriage we divorced ( I was devastated), the second year after the divorce I was introduced to the guy. We talked we hung out a couple of times in a group setting. So one night he called to ask if he can come by to see me ( sure), we sat outside my house and talked and laughed. It was late and he walked me back up to my front door, I gave a kiss ( i could taste the liquor on him) and was like goodnight. I turned to go in and pushed him self in and on top of me. The more I said no the stronger he got, the more I wiggled the more it hurt. So I laid there crying and pray my kids are asleep. And I thought why me? I eventually told my sister, a cousin and my ex. From that day I have avoided Male contact thinking it was me who had Violate Me written on me some where. But Oct 2014, I met this guy. He made me feel so secure with everything.. And in 2015 I posted a flipagram using that song because no matter what. He would tell me I’m the prettiest girl he has ever met, oh don’t worry about that you’re still beautiful to me.. I never had that pure affection. Fast forward to now.. me and the guy are the best of friends and he still says the same things. I have let my past be a test in my testimony. I have reclaimed ME. It took a while but I did it.. and I’m in Love with this Woman I see in the mirror every day. So the devil thought he was going to break me with molestation, rape,death,verbal/emotional abuse and self mortification.. but that was a stepping stone to Greater. Thank you for given me a space to tell some of my story..

  133. I am 19 years old, I was in and out of foster homes until I was the age of 18. While in those foster homes my right to say no was taken away from me at a very young age. The first time it happened I was probably no older than 3. My mother’s an addict, so she had a lot of men coming in and out of where we were living, and a lot of them would touch and hit me as if I were a grown man. The next time I was about 4, my foster brother at the time molested me for 2 years, and the more I said no the more he did to me, the more he hurt me. As I got older the more it happened to me, I feel like there’s a sticker on my forehead saying “come rape me”. About a year ago I was in Cali to see my best friends, and one of them pinned me to a door and used me, the question I got was “why didn’t you fight him off?” Because in that instance if it has happened before, you freeze from the fear. I have made a promise to myself that I will NEVER let ANYONE take my right to choose away again. Growing up singing and listening to yours and Toni’s songs got me through my hard times. You are the reason I’m becoming a singer. I love you Tamar, and thank you for your testimony. 💓

  134. At 41 I am still trying to heal. Childhood was taken from me and my choice to decide when I was ready to have sex was taken from me at 7. Life has been a storm for me. 2 rapes, physical, mental, sexual, spiritual, verbal and emotional abuse has been my lifestyle. It makes you broken. It makes you angry. It steals your choice to be free and happy. Growing up, I had to take care of me. I felt unloved, unwanted, undeserving and neglected. Looking for love in all the wrong places. Turning to the streets for a deeper connection to something or someone. Had my first child at 13 years. That’s when I discovered love but yet still wounded. My choices has been centered around others happiness because of not knowing my own happiness do to my consistent broken heart. Losing faith and being mad at God. Asking why my life had to endure horrific tragedies. You become dead inside. So from age 15-23, I repeatedly tried to commit suicide. But God wasn’t ready for me. Every pain still has a void. The hardest battle is choosing to be happy through all the hurt, pain, disappointments and heartache. Feeling you deserve greatness despite everything you been through. Feeling pretty about yourself on the inside not just the outside. Validating yourself. Knowing your valleys are temporary. It’s hard to forget the things that has been done to you. They leave damaging scars. Healing is a ongoing process. But knowing it’s not your the first step. My life experiences has broken me. Stole my hopes and my dreams. Now I am just climbing the walls and trying to find me. The real me not what my scars has made me.

  135. I am sorry this happened to you this happened to me to with my best friend dad and now that I think about he probably was molesting them all the time. I was just the replacement for a short period of time. I wish I would have said something maybe he would have ended up in jail and away from the family.

  136. My situation is different. I don’t recall anything happening but always felt like something sexual happened to me before I experienced any activity. I always felt uncomfortable around my grandfather. He would look at me like no other male family member. It was the same look I got from men that wanted to have sex with me or those that pursued me. It was really creepy and no one ever acknowledged it. He was accused of molesting someone in the past. Everyone had so much respect for him because he was a man of God & took care of his family. I always believed the molestation accusation because I could feel & see that side of him. It was like looking at a monster. I could NEVER tell anyone in my family because they didn’t believe the accusation that was out & called her crazy. I pray for the young lady that he took advantage of & had no one to believe her😔

  137. I dated a man who I believed to be my lifetime soulmate for about a year and a half. We knew each other for about 5 years, dated on and off, became friends in between, and continued building our relationship from there. Everything was good, or so I thought. I had knee surgery in April of this year and told him I was doing it and he was there to support. However, during my most vulnerable time of recovery, he called me and approached me with his concern about my weight and how we weren’t as intimate as he wanted us to be. He didn’t take into consideration I was pretty much immobile and couldn’t do as many physical activities as I wanted to. About 3 months later following that conversation, he revealed to me that the entire time we were in a relationship, it felt more like a friendship to him and that he was sexually attracted to the same sex, and was interested in someone else. As much as I wanted to blame myself for what happened, I let him know that I needed time to focus on my career, my health and my relationship with God because that’s more important, more consistent, and never failing. I learned that if someone doesn’t appreciate my worth then they don’t need to be with me. I’m learning to love myself just as I am even if I’m not my ideal weight, and I’m currently involved with someone who admires my size and sees me beyond my beauty and physical attributes. It was a tough lesson to learn, but I’m learning each day to be happy, carefree, and protective of my time and energy!

  138. when I was 7 I would stay at a church daycare while my mom was at work, I noticed my friend at the daycare would always go inside the church with the teacher while the rest of the class was outside playing on the playground. On this one particular day I was outside on the playground but had to use the bathroom so I went inside the church and opened the door to the bathroom and saw my teacher doing sexual acts to on my friend and she made me come in the bathroom with them and made my friend and I do sexual acts on one another. Two innocent little girls and this terrible woman in the bathroom, I felt so dirty, I felt like I molested my friend, I felt like I am just as bad as our teacher. She ended up threatening me saying that if I tell on her I will get in trouble to for what she forced me to do on my friend. I carried this secret with me until last year. I am 34 now soon to be 35 next week and I finally no that it was not my fault, that I am not a molester, that I was a victim. A few weeks ago I read Tyler Perrys book “higher is waiting” and he talks about writing letters to people that have done you wrong or violated you, and that is what I did. It was so liberating to write a letter to my abuser and to put all my feelings out there and to began the healing process. I signed my letter “no longer a victim but a victor ! ” May god bless you all, thank you Tamar for using your platform to help others, you are very courageous !

  139. My dad would come over and watch me and my brother in the summertime while my mom was at work (he didn’t live with us).I woke up to my dad palming my breast when I was 9, he thought that I was still sleeping. I froze and pretended to still be asleep because I didn’t know what to do. After a about a minute I acted like I was just waking up and he quickly moved his hands and pretended to be asleep. I got out of the bed and went to another room and called my mom and asked her to come home because it was an emergency. I couldn’t tell her over the phone and I was whispering so she was worried and came home. When she got there, I was outside waiting and told her what happened. We went back inside and I put on my Walkman headphones so they would think I wasn’t listening but I had the volume all the way down. She asked him about it and he said that I made it up and that she had me watching too many lifetime movies. They walked outside and he left. She told me that I wouldn’t have to see him anymore. After a while my Mom started to be really stressed out having to find someone to watch me and my brother all the time and seemed like she started to resent me. I felt in her way at all times. After a while she started to leave us home by ourselves and I started to be into boys and would sneak my boyfriend into the house. I lost my virginity at 12 and was honestly promiscuous from then until about 15. She found out and from a neighbor what I was doing when I was 13 and it seemed like she hated me from then on. Around that time I started to miss my dad because before he did what he did he was a fun, loving, understanding dad to me. And I felt alone. I told my mom that I wanted to see him again when I was 14 and since then she thinks that I was lying about what happened
    I just wanted to forget about it and have my dad back. He did come back into my life at 14 and has been back in it since. I’m 29 now and I’ve never talked to him about it because I feel like nothing he could say can change how disgusted and confused I feel and felt about the situation. But I feel very ashamed whenever I think about it and have no one to talk to about it. Whew that was alot. Am I alone in letting someone back in that violated me in that way. Need feedback please.

  140. I block it out as best as i can but i have horrible childhood memories of my older cousin touching me and rubbing his privates on me when i was not even in school yet. I dont know everything he did to me because ive blocked it out for so long and because when it was happening i didnt understand what he was doing or that it was wrong. My family knew and protected him so it wouldnt embarrass the family. I hate them for not protecting me. They dont realize how bad it got for me. I have disgusting memories of him cumming on me and I was a 5 year old baby girl. Why didnt they protect me. Years later i started to develop and he would go after me, talking to me, trying to be intimate with me. I had no one to run too. My family shamed me and i had no one to rescue me. He got a friend of his(a grown 23 year old man) to start talking to me when i was 14. He complimented me, made me feel pretty. I liked him. One night he convinces me and peer pressures me to drink. So i did trying to be cool and grown. Next thing you know im feeling kinda drunk. And he starts touching on me and aggressively kissing on me. I freak out and freeze up. He puts his hands down my pants and aggressively fingers me. It was painful. I was a virgin. I cried gripping my thighs together asking him to please stop. He flipped it on me like i wanted him to do it. Then he gets angry because he didnt get anything out of me. He starts begging me to go down on him. Im so drunk and uncomfortable i just wanted my life to end. I thought he liked me but he just wanted to see what he could get out of me becsuse my cousin put him up to it. They laughed at me, the women in my family called me a whore and slut and they never held the man accountable for touching on a little girl. Because of there neglect to intervene and stop this sick person he has stollen the innocence of many girls and the friend was shot and killed. My cousin had to leave out of state because one of the fathers of the little girl(who was 15 and he 33) he gave her alcohol got her high and took her innocence too, the father wanted to kill him. He’s probably somewhere else plotting on another young girl. He’s sick. Sometimes i wish someone would kill him already. I also found out i wasnt the only girl in the family he abused. There were multiple of us and the elders silenced us.

  141. I was with my ex for 3 year b4 he proposed after then we took a year to plan the wedding .. we get married a month later he tells me he not want to be married anymore. He told me I was depressing and that he didn’t want to be around that I found out he was in a relationship a month later with a girl I knew of . Really hurt me but I had my family and god to help me I still have Hills to get over but I will thank you Tamar 🙌🏾

  142. I think what’s most disturbing are the similarities in all of the stories. From the strawberry popsicle bs, to the people who may have been aware to what was going on and said nothing or tried to cover it up, the family members and family friends who or even instructors that were supposed to be people we could trust but were instead monsters. THis is infuriating and disheartening but I am all to familiar with most of the scenarios. I sympathize with each and every one of you warriors and know we are not how these mosters made us feel. We are beatiful warriors.

  143. Towards the end of 2014-2017, my life went downhill. I fell in love with a demon in human flesh. He was mentally & physically abusive to me. Due to me being so young( Age 18) I wasn’t aware of my worth. I did everything that a good woman would do to make it work. I did his school work, I took care of him when he was sick, I got him a job, I brought him a phone, My family gave him a home when his father put him out, I gave him my money although he was working, I cooked for him, Had sex with him even when I didn’t want to, and I put his feelings and needs before mines. It’s nothing I didn’t do for him. I even went against the morals and ethics that I was taught because of him. How did he repay me for all my good deeds? He cheated on me, He would mentally abuse me for instance, If I didn’t want to have sex with him he’ll put me down and say something like Oh, if you don’t me none I’ll get it from someone else or He’ll say something like you’re just dumb look at you no man will ever love you like I do. I felt so useless. I cried myself to sleep many nights. As for the cheating, he stayed in woman inbox on Facebook as well as looked at every woman that’ll walk by. Sometimes I use to pray that a chick wouldn’t walk by so that he won’t break his neck staring at her. That’s how insecure I became. He even cheated with a female that I was friends with. Whenever we had a disagreement he’ll send pictures to my phone of him with other girls, kissing them. He also accused me of cheating due to his own insecurities. I couldn’t have any friends and when I did it was a problem. He was extremely possessive, cruel. The most painful experience in the relationship was the fact that he got me pregnant and encouraged me to get an abortion. I did get the abortion. He didn’t even have the decency to be there to hold my hand and comfort me. I was alone and afraid. As if that wasn’t bad enough he got another woman pregnant while we were together. Imagine the hurt and anguish I felt. I hated men. I did decide to end the relationship however my experiences still affects me to this day because I have trust & insecurities in my current relationship. It’s like I’m always on guard.

  144. Comment: Thank you for sharing your story with the world and I pray for you and your son daily and let God use you to save so many women out her that is going through so much and how they feel like they no longer have a voice. When I heard about your story I just sat and cried because I am so tired of so many of our beautiful women are getting hurt by the one they love. I will continue to keep you in my prayers. I am a Tamartian for life and I love the song the pretties girl

  145. I was touched as a child and I still live with the memories too. It started slowly my sister father was my abuser. He would make a mistake and touch me. He would hug me long and touch my butt. He would kiss me like how couples kiss. Like I always wonder how didn’t anyone see him. He would play wrestling with us and he would hump on me . I would take a bath and he would turn rhe water on the hottest level so I can get out while he was using the bath room. I don’t even remember what I looked like as a kid because I didn’t used to look in the mirror. One day my friend stayed the night and he came in my room naked while we were asleep and wome me up. He had so much money in his hand trying to give it to me so i could be quite. I tried to wake my friend up because I was scared. I watched this man beat my mother and if she couldn’t protect her self how can she protect me. Was all I thought about. He would beat me harder than he beat my brother. I would wake up with my underwear and pants down Every night not knowing what happend. I would stay up most nights until the morning because I didn’t want him to touch my brother or sister. When I finally went to sleep i would wake up with him on top of me humping and touching on me covering my mouth so I couldn’t scream. I’m 22 and this still hurts sometimes the memories the depression that comes and I don’t know why but deep down you do. I still have a hard time looking in the mirror sometimes

  146. I would like to tell the Beautiful women that I can relate to all of them . I got married when I was 19 years old to a older man I got pregnant with my First son That when the Abuse and cheating started. I was beaten with a fist or anything he could get his hands on. He even try to kill me with a hand saw in front on our sons. His mother lived next door I remember running by her house and telling her what was going on and I ask He to call the police she let him in her house and he started coming at me with a knife I am screaming so are my sons His dad took the knife from him and told me to go home. I could not believe iwhat I was hearing go home with your husband. I cried like a baby and begged them to call the police and help me. It took me a year later I packed my stuff and my boys stuff and went to a hotel I stayed there for a few days no one knew where I was. I got in contact with a old landlord that became someone I could talk to and ask her did she have a rental around the area I was in she told me yes So I met up with her And move in the next day My husband died in 2006. He ask me to forgive him before he died I told him I did a long time ago I am 37 now and Happier than I ever been in a long time it took a lot of therapy for me to get to this point in my life. I thank God Everyday for my life my 3 babies and I pray my only daughter will never have to go through what I went through 🙏🏾❤️

  147. Growing up , I’ve been through a lot. For me to be only 18 years old (19 on the 29th) , there are some things I shouldn’t have been through nor witnessed. At the age of 6 , I’ve been molested by one of my mothers friends daughter. I remember her telling me to “touch me here , kiss me there” . I also remember what happened after that moment 😞.. . For the longest , I would have the same dream about what happened between me and that girl and what we had done. I thought I was driving myself crazy when I kept having the same dream over and over again. And that’s what I kept thinking , that the incident I went through was just a “dream”. What happened to me at the age of 6 will forever stick in the back of my head . But I know one thing it did , it made me stronger and it proves to me that I can survive any obstacle I’ve been through in my life. From molestation , to being in foster care , from losing some of the most important people in my life , doubt and fake love from “friends” and family members. I can survive through anything. I define my own life , I won’t let it define me. My name is Jaylah and I am not ashamed of my story. My scars are beautiful and I feel the prettiest 💛😌.

  148. Comment I was taken advantage of by many boys. And made fun of by many girls. They laughed at my hair and at my clothes. But their was boy always that would pick me up and tell me I was beautiful. And then they would try to get something from me. They wanted more than what I could give them. I wanted something they didn’t have. Love. This happened around 6 times. I got to the point where I couldn’t trust people. I’m fourteen. And this has all happened in the last two years of my life.I now have someone who I know loves me for me and makes me feel comfortable I trust him with my heart and feelings. And he most certainly makes Me feel like the prettiest girl in the world. And doesn’t ever ask for anything in return.

  149. Tamar, I just want to say I love you. You give me so much courage. Your music move through me. You’re so amazing, beautiful and talented. I admire you and your family. I have been in foster care due to my sexuality (lesbian) my family abandoned me at a young age. I have been raped which was devastating. I have also been abused, lied to, cheated on most of my life. I was with someone for 7 years and went through a domestic violence I just had the courage a few years ago to leave. It took me always going to the hospital and almost going blind to leave. Abuse is real control is the first step to abuse. For anyone in here been through some of the things, I have been through I’m so sorry I don’t wish this behavior on anyone, not even my enemies. I lost self -respect, self – confidence, and self-esteem due to my family and the abuse of my ex wife. I’m currently writing a book on domestic violence(memoir) to uplift survivors and people who are still in domestic violence. We all are worthy and good enough.

  150. I was sixteen when I felt like I lost it all. My life changed in that moment when a person that I trusted the most assaulted me and told me that there is nothing to worry about because I wanted it. For years I kept it to myself and I told myself that it was myself because I wanted if as he said. I saw myself fading on a daily basis,looking in the mirror was hard because I hated the girl looking back at me. I told my story to one person when I was 23 because I couldn’t take it anymore,the loneliness,pain,hatred and anger was getting the best of me. I was broken but not defeated and I’m here doing my best to get on with life. I am no longer a victim but a survivor.

  151. I was molested by my father. I never told my mom. I didn’t want to put the stress on her. my siblings and my cousin were molested as well and the family knew. I didn’t what to add on to the already stressful situation.. I noticed that being molested can cause some who come forward to think of themselves as a victim, and sometimes it causes life to spiral out of control when your true identity is lost. That’s what happened to my sibling and cousin. Sometimes I feel like only telling a couple people gave me a silent strength. Albeit, there are also advantages to coming forward. Everyone’s experience is different. Being molested has had lasting damage that I know I am not fully aware of.. simply because I have no idea what it’s like to have a real father. The idea of having a father who cares about me is a foreign concept All that being said, I am a survivor. No addictions. Good life. I attribute it all to living by bible principles. It has truly saved my life.

  152. Im 18 and from The Bahamas. Its very rare that stuff like this are discussed in my country, its not a cultural norm. Since I was a little girl I have been abused, by almost every person to enter my life. Before I was even born Child Protection was a part of my life as they had already removed my older sister when she was 6months. My mother was extremely abusive. I dont hate her for what she has done because I understand that she experienced alot in her own childhood and never dealt with it. Growing up she would always abuse my siblings and I, until social services kept moving my siblings from relative to relative and then giving us back to her.she never made me feel good enough so growing up i was very insecure about myself. she would call me names and tak down on me. she sat and watched her husband do the same. i felt my nose was too long, i was too skinny and i was never enough for her. i tried to kill myself when i was 9 by drinkng chemicals. i just vomited and fell asleep with a bad stomach pain. it eventually went away Of all my siblings her and her husband would always treat me worse as I looked exactly like my father. (my father has two children with her and im the eldest. when my sister was little my father did not claim her as he was not sure she was his child. due to that her husband took her as his own child because he had no kids at the time.)i was always the odd one out. My father wanted desperately to be a pert of our lives but she would not allow him to because her husband did not want him to see us. Growing up i had to sneak to use the phone to speak to him. After he relocated to another island to live he would send for my sister and i which she allowed because he threatened to take her to court. the first summer we went it was good, he got married. the second summer things got bad. one of my step mothers relatives started touching me inappropriately. i never spoke up because i wanted to keep visiting my dad. i feel stupid for it now but that was still my peace away from my hellish mother. every summer i went back the same thing happened and it eventually got worse. In 2013 social services took my siblings and i away from my mother this time putting a care order of three years on us. my sister and i went to live with my father. he began raping me almost every day and i would try to fight until one day he hit me. i used to cut my wrist and thighs and take pills to try hurt myself. i used to go to school with bruises under my skirt and on my back sometimes. in 2016 i carried my razors that i used to cut myself with to school in my wallet. a friend noticed and told the guidance counselor who informed social services. they took me to the clinic and asked what was causing it and after not speaking up for so many years i was afraid so i lied. i told them i miss my mother and other siblings still in New Providence. they decided to send me back to New Providence this time to live with my fathers mother, life was going good. i got saved and gave my life to God. after a while my mother found out i was back on the island and one day made an appearance at my high school. luckily it was lunch time so everyone was scattered in the school yard and she couldn’t find me. after this she hit me every time she saw me. in November of 2016 she caused me to end up in the hospital with a back injury. i couldn’t walk. i also found out i had contracted an infection. i got medication in the hospital that cleared it up. my grandmother that i was living with refused to take me to appointments. i had to repeat my senior year. in February of 2017 social services took me and placed me in a children’s home. i was moved from one hell to another. the staff were not at all friendly and most of them hated me because i stood up for myself and i reported their wrong doings to my social worker. i still used to cut my wrists every time i was hurt or someone said something hurtful to me. when taken to the hospital i found out that i have Poly-cystic Ovarian Syndrome and i ended up in a psychiatric hospital for drinking chemicals in November 2017. i was told that when i came out of there i could not go back to the childrens home. i felt 17 and homeless. i tried to hang myself and a nurse found me before it was too late. my oxygen level was down to 85% when she found me. i was mad with the world. i wanted so badly to die. i felt like a burden and like nobody cared. in february 2018 i was placed with my great grand mother and uncle. things were good again. until one night i was raped by a family member. i was seventeen and pregnant. i didnt know what to do. eventually i started feeling bad pains in my lower stomach. i was taken to hospital. i found out that the cysts were growing with my baby. the baby had to be taken away. i had two procedures because the first D&C was not successful. i bled from April 2018 until august 2018 and now the bleeding has started again. i graduated in June 2018 with a GPA of 3.33 on a 4.0 scale. i passed all of my national examinations and end of term examinations. i got accepted into university. however last month something very traumatic happened last month. i tried to overdose on over 126 pills. when i came out of the hospital i went to live with a mentor from the childrens home. i still live with her. it has been a little over a month and she is nothing short of a blessing. i am currently employed and saving for school in January. i am trying to fix my relationship with God and be a better me for me. im still working on my mental health and trying to love myself more. i aspire to be a Registered Nurse, Author(still writing my book) and motivational speaker. i hope my story helps someone because mental health is a serios thing for me. if you are reading this there are people that care. this website is proof of that. i care. please hold on. better days are coming!

  153. I am a twice rape survivor and domestic violence survivor, stroke survivor but most of all I have broken generational curses off my life. As the oldest of 9 and the oldest sister. I have had to wear mask to fit in and please people. That why I wrote my second book about how I took the mask off to be the woman who God has called me to be. Strength is my weapon as well as joy.

  154. I was raped by my uncle for years..starting when I was about 5 or 6! I was also molested by a couple my mother would leave me with. I once tried to tell her what was happening & she got angry at me..I was about 11 when I first told her. She made me tell everyone that I was lying because she didn’t want to scare people off. She used my lifeline (my siblings) as leverage..said I’d never see them again if I didn’t say I was lying. She even went as far as to sleep with the man molesting me.
    I think her anger at my father being a dead beat made her hate her daughters. How else can you explain why a mother would do what my mother did!?
    At 15 I told a handful of people (ones I thought I could trust!)..some turned their backs on me..others tried to love me unconditionally. I have NO relationship with my family because I can no longer pretend it never happened.
    My mother just a few days ago made it clear she never believed me. (Never mind he’s tried to violate other relatives before me!)
    I’m 43..damaged & still trying to find my purpose in life. No one understands how much being violated takes away from you!

  155. Being molested is something I never wanted to happen. My mom and dad separated when I was 4, my mom started doing drugs heavily around that time and got a new boyfriend when I was 5 I noticed that her boyfriend would always come in the bathroom while I was taking a bath and would stare at me he would then come into my room to ask if I wanted anything from the kitchen. It started when I was 6 years old and I didn’t know what to do. My mom even went as far as having friends come over and touch me so they can give her drugs. It was a horrible time and she dropped me and my brothers and sisters off at a bus stop with no food at all. I always knew something was different about me, as I grew older my uncle tied me to a bed and put a sock in my mouth so my brothers and sisters couldn’t hear me scream. I can still remember the prayer I prayed while i cried. I wish molestation and rape on no one. It’s a traumatic experience and I wish it never happened and I wish I was stronger back then to fight my attacks off.

  156. I was raped multiple times as a kid by my uncle.He threatened me all the time.Due to that I have become a sex addict.I just can’t go a day without sex or watch a pornographic movie.
    I have never had any respect from a man either.All they need from me is sex and the ones I thought loved me end up emotionally abusing me.I’ve never been confident in my self or felt pretty.
    Those events have changed my life drastically and I really don’t know when I’m going to recover. I cry myself to sleep every night.
    It hasn’t been easy for me. I just hope that one day I’ll be able to recover from all these and be able to have more confidence in myself.I want to feel pretty❗❗❗I really do❗❗❗.😢😢😢

    1. Hello Anya,
      I just read your story and I am truly sorry for what happened to you by your uncle. I too have left my story on this website Titled/Under… Lisa-September 14, 2018 (Read it completely when you get a chance). I explain how you can recover, get the help that you need and feel pretty as well. The first step is Prayer (whether or not you know God or don’t feel like praying). God can do the impossible for you and others like you IF you give him a chance to do so. God loves you very much (I know, then why did he allow you to go through what you went through-you maybe be thinking or asking). The only answers I have is that God has a reason, plan, and purpose for your life, just like he had for his only sinless Son Christ Jesus who he allowed to suffer and die on a cross 2000+ years ago. Trust God and what he says in the Bible (God knows what he is doing). God promises to use everything for good (both the good and the bad for your good) and he promises to repay everyone that has ever hurt you as well. Please read the following Bible verses to confirm what God has promised and what I am telling you, Okay. I and God promise you that you WILL recover and rise above every situation in your life when you read God’s words and trust him to help, care for and change you for the better, Amen. The verses are…Genesis 50:20; 2 Chronicles 7:14; Job 1:1-3:26, Job 42:10-17; Matthew 5:44; 2 Timothy 3:12; Hebrews 5:8; Romans 6:23, Romans 8:28, Romans 12:19; Revelations 21:3-8; Proverbs verses, etc. (KJV-King James Version Bible). Tell God everything (even though he knows it all already) he wants you to talk with him, trust him and cast all your burdens upon him (and leave them in his hands). He will take care of it all for you. Amen (so be it). I am praying for you, Anya. Things will change for the better for you soon (please remember to pray, put your problems, pain, desires, etc. in God’s hands, believe and trust him. Whether you do this or not, I’m still praying for you). Amen.

  157. He told me that he loved me. Yet somehow it was my fault that he raped me 5 times. It’s easier to say that some should just leave than to actually up and leave. The first time I vividly remember as if it were yesterday. I hadn’t been in the mood for sex for a few weeks at that point and had been constantly telling him no. Then one day he told me that he wanted me to relax after work so he was planning to get a hotel for the weekend. My plan then was to go, stay in bed and relax, all weekend. Just like he had said. But the first night he tried for sex and I said no, he did what he always does. Got mad stormed out and came back later and tried again. For the second time, I said no he pulled my legs over the edge of the bed and yanked my shorts and underwear off completely ignoring my cries for him to stop. I remember him saying “see I knew you were wet down there. I don’t know why you’re fighting it.”. He continued the act. Afterwards I went to the bathroom and cried, had no clue who to call, what to say or how to explain it.

    It wasn’t until the other day I was listening to my grandmother and aunt talk about rape and how it shouldn’t be punishable after a long period of time (hey didn’t specify a time period). This made me think about myself. raped 5 times by someone that claimed they love/loved me. He shouldn’t be punished because I wasn’t ready or comfortable coming out about it at the time? BULLSHIT. The right time is when ever one is ready. Here is just my first step to assist in building my courage to go against him and his family and friends that have the means to try to pay me into silence. But once I build my courage and strength, nothing will be able to stop me.


    As a kid you should be protected and loved unconditionally you should be put above all. Well sadly this is not the reality for many many children especially those who are abandoned by their parents and Split up from siblings At a young age I was split of from my older siblings and taken away from my mom. Growing up I knew I didn’t belong or fit in I had no parents and everyone around me did at a very young age I never knew what confidence was loving myself I didn’t know how it felt to even be loved unconditionally. Even tho there were people around I felt alone and voiceless. I had so much anxiety not even knowing what it was being a young child I felt inferior to all people I felt like every time someone laid eyes on me they were Judging and laughing at me. I felt alone everyone around me had someone to love them unconditionally they had someone that would put them first above all. Now most people would say how could you feel this way family took you in gave you a place to stay saved you from a drugged crazed parent, saved you from getting fucked by the system and moved around from stranger to stranger. well I rather have been with those strangers. At a young age for years I was sexually abused at the hands of a family member this person was protected, and praised, and dotted on. This person had that unconditional love and was put on a pedestal that my hart was missing. But this person still choose to rip my choice away from me as he climbed in to my bed night after night,day after day, weeks, months, years. I was afraid I didn’t understand I didn’t know what was happening i didn’t get why it was happening to me. All I knew was I was ashamed and no one ever came no one ever was there to protect me my abuse happened many years and most times when people were home still no one ever came to keep me safe. At a young age I never felt like I had a voice being discarded by my parents and being reminded occasionally that I was given up and I should be grateful for what I have I felt like maybe they knew what was going on ,after all they were home and wide awake most of the time the abuse was going on. I thought that I was supposed to let this happen I thought that this person had the right to do this to me after all it was his family that took me in. I was a shy, timid, want to please everyone type of child i already felt voiceless but my abuse made me feel shame and invisible, afraid, alone, I felt like a part of my soul was stolen. I was afraid to say anything for years I thought who am I who would care who am I to come and mess this family up by seeking help. I felt like was this even wrong there are adults around and never once did any one protect me or save me so this must not be wrong. Well it felt wrong. Some years pass and I finally found someone that I admired and looked up to this person always encouraged me and made me feel pretty and would go out of her way to make me feel good and teach me girly things. So I shared my truth with her and after hours of convincing and getting the courage to speak out about it to the adults. The unthinkable happened I was told that I was being untruthful, that there was no way he could have done that he was very protected. After that day it was never spoken about again. It was covered up and kept a secret when I got a lil bit older and i went looking for answers I was told if I said anything that would get this person in trouble or put away I would get hurt and sent away because they loved my abuser and he came first over me and anything else. Again my voice was stolen. I never heard the words it’s not your fault. This abuse has affected my life in so many ways I was never confident in myself, I never felt like my life was of any value this person stole my ability to love myself. They, not just he they made me feel like because my body was already stolen it was no good and not worth being loved. I went through stages of depression and anxiety that I still deal with today. They stole my ability to communicate I never spoke up or talked about my feelings or things that bothered me or made me sad to anyone I always kept my feelings to myself many many of my young nights I would cry alone till I fell asleep . I felt loveless, alone, parentless, hopeless, and lost. I gave my body to a person I didn’t even love because at least I would feel a lil normal that this was my Choice and not with a family member because god forbid any of my friends finding out they would have thought I was disgusting my first experience was someone related to me. over many decades I kept quite even into my adult life I have never shared the details of my truth because of the shame because my first experience wasn’t that magical moment. The shame because we came from the same bloodline and no one had the courage to stand up for me and protect me and make me feel safe. I always felt like I was better off left for strangers. Being with family didn’t up lift me,didn’t keep me safe and protected. It left me picking up the pieces of my life trying to put them back together in a way that would make sense it left me with insecurities and doubts that anybody could ever love me, it left me wanting to be anybody but myself, it left me feeling guilty because I didn’t speak up about it enough to other people who left their children around this person It left me afraid to stand up for myself because these were respected some what powerful people. I eventually hit a all time low and almost took my life I was told it was for attention and because my lack of self worth and inability to communicate what I was feeling I went with that on top of the threat I received about talking about the abuse. No one ever really knew what I was going through because I never told a soul I always put on a happy face and a smile acted ok anyone that knows me would probably say they never seen me sad I was all mask on around people but when I was by myself And the mask off I was in broken pieces battling my demons I could never look at myself in the mirror it was Like I see my reflection but there was nothing else inside of me.i am raising my own family now I have come through some of the deepest depths of pain and destruction in my life I’m still healing and battling these demons of my past and some days are better then others I’m hopeful everyday that I do make progress and I’m able to heal inside and out I been quite for so long I still been carrying around this I’m ok mask for to long I’m ready to burn it and let people know I’m not ok and I don’t know what to do were to start or how all I know is I’m ready to start healing because I’m still a very broken mess under this mask I’m so weak from crying alone I’m tiered I’m ready to explore the human being god has meant for me to be. I want to share my reality and truths to be able to help or encourage someone else to protect others living the same reality because everyone has the right to live a life were they at least feel safe in there own bed and home and body.
    This is my truth.

  159. I have through with him 2 days ago because of arguing. He blame that I washed his clothes and its dirty. So, I have to leave him because I don’t want to hear him scream out loud. And after I walked away for 30 minutes, he blocked me in every channel I can contact to. I just came out of his room, for he calm down and not yelling me anymore. But there is no chance for speak to him anymore. My friend said that he don’t deserve my heart because I love my boyfriend with all my heart but he didn’t. He has a sugardaddy for real. And within 2 weeks, he spend his sugardaddy money about 3000 $ for his new laptop, phone, iPad, watch, and headphone. I think that this could be a big factor that my boyfriend seperate from me. By the way, with this amount of money, maybe his sugardaddy said that he have to break up with me. And then I realize that he value money more than heart. Then I make up myself every minute since I return to his room and knocked for 30 minutes and no any response. I realize that I love my family and my friend so much. This make me celebrate lwith all my friends and my family like never before. I really happy for my future that almost there, graduate master degree, get to work not unemployed like him, travel around the world. I still believe that my heart is ready for who deserve it. Thank you for your reading. This is what I have never published before. Thank you Tamar for your music. I really appreciate and thank everything. Love.

  160. i was molested by my female older cousin many times.. i wonder sometimes if thats the reason why im gay.
    i drive myself crazy thinking about it.. i havent told anyone about it in fear that this secret might break my family apart.
    i often wonder if she remembers. me and my cousin dont speak due to a disagreement recently..shes pregnant with twins by her fiance soon to be wife.. i wasnt invited to the baby shower.. little things like that hurt me.. but i should be more hurt by what she has done to me. but its quite the opposite. i dont think having these experiences when i was younger affected me.. but sometime i wonder if it had?.. is that why im so anxious? always depressed? never able to follow through ?.. not being able to have a healthy relationship.. is that the reason why sometimes i feel like im slowing going crazy?.. funny thing is she wasnt my only abuser.. but the only one that i can bring my self to fully remember.

  161. I don’t remember the 1st time. I don’t even remember how long it went on for. I do remember who they are. 2 family members and my grandmother’s boyfriend. I eventually told on 1 of family members. It was my word against his. He was not charged and life went on. Later in life I ran into Grandma’s boyfriend. This time I spoke up before it went too far because I was a little bit wiser. Again…my word against his word. No charges made. Then comes the other family member. I never told about this one but there was a moment in that time when he almost got caught and ever since that day it just stopped, and I will forever be thankful for that day. I never told on this family member because I just can’t. It would have a huge impact in my life, and I’m not ready for that change and don’t know if I ever will be. I still see this person till this day and I forgive them but I can not and will not forget.

  162. It started when I was in the 1st grade going into the 2nd grade I was molested by an older girl. She made promises to give me money to do stuff to her and let her do things to me. I felt ashamed and embarrassed about it and just disgusted by it. I grew up being so mean and angry about it. I had a cousin I really loved like a big bro ask me to suck his dick when I was little and thank God it didnt sound right to me and I said no. And this cousin is now locked up for sexual assault. He says he didnt do it but sometimes I wonder if he really did… most my life as a kid and even now men always sexually touch me without asking and if I dont want to have sex I get scared and just let men do what they want to me because I am scared of being raped and feeling like the choice isn’t mine… and two summers ago I was really drunk and an ex guy friend kept trying to feel on me and I tried to say no and kept telling him no while we were in a car and I blacked out or fell asleep and we were parked somewhere and he asked again. And since I was so scared I allowed him to touch me but I not have sex with me because I was scared. Like really scared he would take it. And i felt the same way i felt when i was little and it first happened to me disgusted and so ashamed of myself. I never told any one about my cousin or this old guy friend because some people wouldnt believe me and I dont want any1 looking at me as a victim. I been through a lot including my dad abusing me,mentally, emotionally and physically. And other men doing that to me. And sometimes I have random out moments when I just can’t and I get depressed and sad and angry a over again. And I dont always feel like I can talk to anyone. Because no one gets my story so I just make jokes about it or just smile and laugh all the because it better than feeling hurt all the time. And I been getting better at talking about it and even bern thinking about seeing someone because I just want to forgive myself and move forward with my life and find love and not be scared anymore.

    1. I get making jokes about it. I have a dark humor too. I don’t think you need to forgive your self because you didn’t do anything wrong.

  163. Being molested by two of my older cousins was one thing…those moment were my Grandfather took my virginity was the worst. I believed in my heart that every man/boy on the face of the earth were scum and I hate them all. Even though my brothers/dad wanted to kill them all…I never lost sight of the love that my brothers and father had for me. I knew they would protect me from the world. From the moment I finally allowed myself to tell my truth…I no longer was afraid. At the age of 12, I finally broke free. At the age of 38, I am married and I have my own son and daughter. I started learning them at an early age of what was NOT ok for someone to invade their private space. NEVER AGAIN will I ever let anyone take advantage of myself…and NEVER MY KIDS!!

  164. I’m sorry that happened to you. You should sue every last one of them for everything cent they have or will ever have.

  165. I understand being molest at a young age by many people and being scare to tell anyone because you feel ashamed and scared that you would get in trouble. I had to have been 5 I was molested by 5 different people 3 were family members and I’ve never told anyone. It plays in my head over and over again and think about what I could have done I to prevent it. I didn’t know right from wrong but when I learn I stood up for myself and locked myself in the bathroom and told him if he doesn’t leave me alone I will tell my mom and stepdad when they get home. He left and never came back but the damage was done and the incident plays in my head over and over again. I’ve never told anyone. I’m 46 and to keep this type of pain eats you up. So I know how people feel when they say they are afraid. I blocked it out over and over again and it comes up still. 41 yrs is a long time to conceal such hurt that only you know about. I pray that it goes away prematurely but never does it always come up every now and then. I feel like I broke the cycle and I protected my kids from that type of harm. That means a lot to me but will never understand why I was so overprotective and I always want to keep it that way.

  166. In about an hour, I will be 35 years old. I’m not excited, or sad, I’m just here. I don’t think I suffer from depression, but I suffer from reality. It’s crazy because it’s not that I have self esteem issues. I think Im beautiful, although I could loss a few pounds. I’m smart and I just received my MBA. But I don’t want anything. There’s nothing I want in this world, but I decided to live for my child. When people say that, it sounds beautiful, but I feel trapped. How long do I have to stay?

    The first time I was molested, I was a toddler. I don’t remember, but my mom told me. The next I was molested, it was by my brother when I was 12. I’m certain I had a miscarriage from that. I told my brother’s friend and he blackmailed me.

    Eventually it all came out. But I had to be strong for everyone else. Because I seemed so strong all the time, it seemed like it was impossible for me to be raped. So I carried the guilt for a long time for allowing myself to be raped.

    I thought that when I got older, people would listen, but I was always labeled as a troublemaker or invisible all together.

    The more I tried to be productive, the more I realize that it just sucks to be me. Maybe happiness isn’t meant for everyone.

    I thought that happiness was a choice. But it seems like misery choose me first. On the upside, I’m finally getting my hip replacement surgery. I joined the military and due to medical negligence, my hips got screwed up. And I had a miscarriage in basic training.

    I was discarded, like trash. Again. Despite having proof, everyone looked the other way and once again, I was the trouble maker.

    It was at that time that I understood that there was nothing I could do to change this fate.

    I vowed that I would never leave my daughter so I guess I’ve been sentenced to life. I can’t help but wonder if the real me ever had a chance.

    Thanks for listening.

  167. I am a 27 year old man, I was molest from age 4-11 by my female family member, then at age 12 older boys and men were sexually assaulted me when my mom moved us to the projects, I’ve help this in for so long! I’m hurt, tired, stressed!!!

  168. I am a 47 year old women who grew up in and out of foster homes due to being abused (BEAT) by my mother and molested by my birth father around the age of 5. I was a bitter person for years not trusting people, having issues with opening up to anyone including counselors or social workers. I felt like the dirtiest little girl. Well I stayed prayed up questioning GOD because I know he said he would never give us more than we can bare. I wanted to know why me WHY. After so many years of confusing the Lord happened to answer my questions. As far as mother he told me she did the best with what she learned from her parents so it wasn’t totally all her fault. I could go on, but know I THANK GOD FOR BLESSING ME WITH A FORGIVING HEART. I LOVE my mother with everything in me and I am so glad and at peace with the fact that I was able to forgive her and Love her so much more by what God had revealed to me. As far as my dad Larry Eugene Harvey who is serving time right now in Crossroads and not because of what he did to me, but I was able to forgive him but still not able to understand that the man is sick and will never be healed. He served time in jail for me but i ended up trusted him and believe he was healed all to turn around and get hurt again by my father molesting my own daughter and that is why he is serving time in jail right now as we speak. As much as I want so much to hate him, well I cant.. I have forgiven him again because I know it is GOD Will and GOD had to show me that my dad is really sick. He was molested by my uncles when he was little which are his mothers brothers. I have learned so many awful things about the Harvey side of the family, they were having sexual relations with each other back in the day, so sad. I wont say much more except for Praying, reading the word and believing is the only thing that is saving me and keeping me sane all these years. Yes my dad is still living he is 67 right now and I have no desires of every speaking or spending any kind of time with him ever again. I will love him from a distance from here on out. He is not allowed to have any pictures of me, my two kids, or his three grandsons. I am his only child and my kids are his only grand kids and it hurts but I will keep him at a big distance. Life was a choice for me, Because of all of that I let it hinder me and I stayed in a shell all this time. Because of the things that have happened to me pertaining to my father I now know and understand why I am still holding on to a man I believe means me no darn good all because I long for my fathers love and I don’t want to be alone. If anyone is reading my story I ask that you continue for pray for me, that I continue to over come any and everything that is thrown my way… Thank You all for listening BHarvey KCMO

  169. I was molested at 11-12 by a family member. I felt like it ruined who I was and I felt like It possibly my fault. I did not say anything about it for a long time until one day I broke down and told my mother. The situation made me feel like I needed to have attention and that attention went to other things then it was my fault and I brung it on myself. This happened right after my parents got divorced so my world was shook. Fast forward….I was raped by a I guy I dated and he allowed his friend to take advantage of me as well. For many many many years I felt like it was my fault for being friendly to people, but I know now that it is not. Thank you for a site where you can speak freely and not be judged.

  170. The first time I was at my neighbors house who I thought was a friend. I was 6 years old and she had an older brother who was 12, who stopped us from playing to dry-rub or hump on both of us. We had our clothes on and he told me to lay down on the bed. I didnt so he told me to lie on the floor moving the toys out of the way. When he pushed me back and laid on top of me I couldn’t breathe. My friend said it was okay and she held my hand while her brother pushed himself into me. I never went to their house again. When I was 9 years old, a man that lived up the street from us came in through our third floor window where my room was. He climbed the fire escape. He woke me up calling me by my moms name and began rubbing on my arms and back. He pulled his pants down and grabbed my hand placing it on his genitals. I tried to get away but he held me there. My little sister who was 4 at the time woke up and screamed “boogey man” repeatedly and he quickly went back out of the window and down the fire escape. I took my sister in search of my mom to tell her what happened. I found my mom on the porch drinking with her friends and told her. She called the cops immediately and they were able to find the man the same night because I described what he’d had on. He got locked up but then my mom told me he was sent to the states asylum for having mental issues. I was glad we moved across town after this happened because I never saw him again. At 14 years old I woke up to my moms boyfriend sucking my left breast. I pushed his head and kicked perfusley until he backed off. I would watch my siblings while my mom went with him for the weekend to stay at his house because I wanted to protect them from him. I wanted to protect my younger brothers and sisters from him because I knew he would probably try again. I saw how much my mom loved him so I never told her, we just kept our distance from her boyfriend. He never stayed at our house so I was able to avoid him. But when he came around he always offered me money that I wouldn’t accept. I knew it was hush money. I oftentimes wonder if I did the right thing by not telling anyone when this happened so long ago and instead avoided that man because he might have hurt others.

  171. I am a 35 years old orphan from Zambia, East Africa and HIV positive. I was 17 years and just completed my high school when my step elder sister called me to go and stay with her in a different city. She just got a new job and wanted me to help with baby sitting 2 of her babies. The eldest was 4 and the youngest was 2. Its was my first my time meeting my brother in-law. he seemed to be a good christian man and very supportive. he owned a clothing store and each time he had new clothing he would call me to go and get some for myself little did i know he had bad intentions. after staying with them for about a year, he started being funny, like commenting on my dressing and how nice my legs are. I started feeling uncomfortable being around him. And the more i was trying to avoid him the more he advanced with his flirtation. I didn’t think it was serious then until one night when he came to my bedroom wanting to sleep with me. I tried to fight him and screamed thinking my sister would come through, to my surprise she didn’t and my bedroom was just a stone away to hers. He didn’t succeed that night because one of the babies wake up and started crying. In the morning i was expecting my sister to ask me of what happened but she didn’t, they just prepared themselves for work and left. I was scared didn’t even know how to tell her and if at all she was going to believe me. 2 days later my sister had to go for overnight prayers and left me with him in the damn house. At the back of my mind i knew he was going to do it again and he did. Still tried to fight him but he over powered me and raped me. I told my sister when she came back and she didn’t get concerned or surprised at all. All she told me was, in our African setup such things happens and she gave me an example of a certain man (who used to be our neighbor when we were younger) who ended up marrying the younger sister to his wife and stayed in the same house. i didn’t like her response so i started bothering her that i want to go back and stay with my Aunt but she was not paying attention. From that time the husband was on me every night saying that if i tell anyone except my sister, he would divorce my sister. And in the effort to try to stop me from talking to any one, my sister confiscated my cellphone, they cut the land line phone which was in the house, they stopped me from going to church or anywhere and engaged a security guard to watch me while they were away that i don’t leave the house nor have any visitors. i didn’t know what their plan was and i stayed like that for half a year, all i was thinking about was to kill myself in the house. but one day when i was cleaning the store room i found an old cell phone in some boxes i tried to switch it on and it did. Now the problem was to get some credit because i couldn’t the guard as he was on orders. I was stuck with the phone thinking of how i would get credit. Finally i realized there was an option to borrow credit from the network provider. I borrowed some credit and right away i called my Aunt and explained my situation. 3 days later she came and took me with her. 6 months later i was tested HIV positive and my sister died 4 months after that. I always feel bad thinking about it, and this is something only me, my Aunt and my brother in-law (who is now remarried) knows about and now i have shared it with y’all #Noneedtobeshame

  172. I was sexually molested from ages 4-11 by an older brother. At 21 I found out 4 of my younger brothers were also molested. I thought it was only me. My oldest brother moved out when he was 14, that’s the only reason it stopped. I kept running away and my mom couldn’t kick him out but he left on his own. We tried telling our mom a few times and all she did was whip him with a belt. I’m 40 now and have mental illnesses from the trauma. Unfortunately out of 8 of us, we all have PTSD and Depression behind this. I encourage all to tell someone who will listen because someone may be molested along with you.😔

  173. From the age of 6 to the age of 16, I was molested and occasionally raped by a boy in the neighborhood. At 6 yrs old, someone telling you this was a game and everyone had a partner, it made sense. I was told of anyone found out your partner, you and your family would die. By the time I was old enough to know better, he shamed me into not speaking up. He blamed me and said no one would believe me after all of this time. I finally stopped when my daughter’s father stood up and said either I tell my parents or he would. I wrote them a letter and went to my aunts house for a few weeks. I was scared of what they would say or think. Would they believe me? Would they blame me? Would they still love me? They worked hard to send my brother and I to private school to shelter us from this world, only to find out that in our own home, this guy would take advantage of me. I would sleep in my closet. I kept my room a mess as I felt like I could hide if he came in. I felt at my worse when he went after my cousin. I’ve never really forgiven myself for that as she would have never been in that situation if I had spoken up sooner. But here I am, years later. I have not let what happened to me define who God intended me to be. I want to tell my story in a hope to get others to speak out. To not wait. To not think this is ok. I still have nightmares on occasion, but I wake up and remind myself who my God is. Girls love yourself. Stand your ground. Fight with your voice now even when you couldn’t fight during it. The devil will not when. Life and death are in the power of the tongue. We are strong and look at where God has you now. If you are not where you want to be, stand up and keep pushing. You’ve got this. God has you.

  174. I just wanted to say Thank You to Ms. Tamar for creating this website. And also thanks to everyone that has shared their stories. Hearing stories of how others have overcome abuse, stalking, child molestation, and rape is inspiring. I was sexually assaulted in childhood by two of my middle school male classmates. They broke into my house while me and my brother were there alone and they molested me. My younger brother’s crying and my aunt’s phone call that night are probably what saved us, or me and my brother would both be dead or in worse shape. After I was violated, I immediately told my mother and we went straight the police station. The sickos were arrested at school within the next couple of days. I testified during the trial, told the truth, and they both got a slap on the wrist as usual, which is the norm when the victims survive. What happened to me set the stage for more abuse as I got older. I have been used, abused, and stalked more times than I can count.

    Last year after yet another volatile relationship with a POS bum, I decided that I will no longer tolerate POS men that use and abuse me ever again in life. I tolerated and settled for bums for years due to my low self-esteem and thinking those terrible types of men were my only option since no one better wanted me. I am worth more than that and I CAN do better and WILL do better. I’m sick of POS people that violate others. THE ONLY JUSTICE FOR VIOLENT CRIME IS DEATH!!! Politicians need to amend the death penalty so that violent predators can be executed even when no murder has taken place. But since our laws are not tough enough, victims who survive their ordeals have to settle for the perpetrators getting a few years in prison, if that, and then paroled where they go on to violate others. The laws in this country are too lenient. Rapists, child molesters, and abusers ALL DESERVE DEATH, PERIOD!

    Through the grace of God, I have survived and I have the victory. I am now the mother of a beautiful and happy little boy who gives me strength and purpose I never thought I would have. When I get depressed about certain things, I remember that I was blessed with a child I thought I could never have; God did that for a reason :). My son needs me, so I have to make better choices where his safety and well being comes first. I am teaching my son to respect himself and others, especially women. I am also teaching him to tell me immediately if someone does something wrong to him and to not keep any pain hidden inside. I hope he has the power to stand up for himself as I have. Thankfully, I still have my mother, so she is the only person I allow to help take care of my son. Good Grandparents are a blessing to kids!

    I encourage everyone to keep striving, keep surviving, and stay strong. If you have children, please protect them and don’t leave them with POS people and don’t leave your kids home alone until they become adults! Ladies please stop settling for abusive bums that only want to use and abuse you, please just stop.

    My son just turned 3, we are both healthy, and I am happily single and doing better. I just want to raise my son in peace without other folks bothering me or wanting something from me. That is not too much to ask for. We are all survivors and as long as we live we have the power to change our situation and circumstances. God is VERY good! Good luck to everyone!

    Wishing everyone an early and blessed Holiday season. God bless. Much love. XOXO

  175. I just wanted to say Thank You to Ms. Tamar for creating this website. And also thanks to everyone that has shared their stories. Hearing stories of how others have overcome abuse, stalking, child molestation, and rape is inspiring. I was sexually assaulted in childhood by two of my middle school male classmates. They broke into my house while me and my brother were there alone and they molested me. My younger brother’s crying and my aunt’s phone call that night are probably what saved us, or me and my brother would both be dead or in worse shape. After I was violated, I immediately told my mother and we went straight the police station. The sickos were arrested at school within the next couple of days. I testified during the trial, told the truth, and they both got a slap on the wrist as usual, which is the norm when the victims survive. What happened to me set the stage for more abuse as I got older. I have been used, abused, and stalked more times than I can count.

    Last year after yet another volatile relationship with a POS bum, I decided that I will no longer tolerate POS men that use and abuse me ever again in life. I tolerated and settled for bums for years due to my low self-esteem and thinking those terrible types of men were my only option since no one better wanted me. I am worth more than that and I CAN do better and WILL do better. I’m sick of POS people that violate others. THE ONLY JUSTICE FOR VIOLENT CRIME IS DEATH!!! Politicians need to amend the death penalty so that violent predators can be executed even when no murder has taken place. But since our laws are not tough enough, victims who survive their ordeals have to settle for the perpetrators getting a few years in prison, if that, and then paroled where they go on to violate others. The laws in this country are too lenient. Rapists, child molesters, and abusers ALL DESERVE DEATH, PERIOD!

    Through the grace of God, I have survived and I have the victory. I am now the mother of a beautiful and happy little boy who gives me strength and purpose I never thought I would have. When I get depressed about certain things, I remember that I was blessed with a child I thought I could never have; God did that for a reason :). My son needs me, so I have to make better choices where his safety and well being comes first. I am teaching my son to respect himself and others, especially women. I am also teaching him to tell me if someone does something wrong to him and not keep any pain hidden inside. I hope he has the power to stand up for himself as I have. Thankfully, I still have my mother, so she is the only person I allow to help take care of my son. Good Grandparents are a blessing to kids!

    I encourage everyone to keep striving, keep surviving, and stay strong. If you have children, please protect them and don’t leave them with POS people and don’t leave your kids home alone until they become adults! Ladies please stop settling for abusive bums that only want to use and abuse you, please just stop.

    My son just turned 3, we are both healthy, and I am happily single and doing better. I just want to raise my son in peace without other folks bothering me or wanting something from me. That is not too much to ask for. We are all survivors and as long as we live we have the power to change our situation and circumstances. God is VERY good! Good luck to everyone!

    Wishing everyone an early and blessed Holiday season. God bless. Much love. XOXO

  176. Wow.. First informals I want to thing is tamar 💕forgiving us women a platform for a Diery with no judgment I was in a five-year relationship with someone I thought I would be with for the rest of my life I was 21 years old he’s the father of my daughter who is eight years old and he was living a double life we were together for five years he broke me down so much in my minds setting where I thought I was nobody I thought no one else would want me I thought I couldn’t live without him I was with him for five years and he had a child with another woman basically a double life but God I trust it and I believe in God that I can be able to get out of this situation I prayed I even got a journal where I start speaking to God where everything that I wanted in my new life let me tell you God Show you signs he put People in your life at the right time this man had the enemy told me I would never be anything in life told me no one would ever want me I was to the point where l gained 225 pounds and I was 150 when I started dating him but glad to 2018 now I am married I am happy First informals you have to learn to love yourself once you begin to love yourself no I can’t tell you anything honey but God Ladies get that journal and began to write your new life

  177. I am 17 years old now, I too have been through some sexual things. It all started when my mother uses to leave me with my cousins’ grandmother I was about 7 or 8 at the time, my two cousins were older: one was two years older and the other was one year older than me both were females. In the first part, we would play like normal children with our dolls. But after a while, they started doing stuff I was not comfortable with. But as the smaller one, I always do what they say. So one day my mother dropped me off, my small cousin said to me “I have something to show you” so I followed her, only for her to show me a bunch of porn videos she found in her mother’s house. I knew it was rude for us to watch them so I told her I was going to tell on her but she said if I tell she was going to tell I was watching too. So I kept quiet and watched them with her. Until she wanted to do some of the things in which she saw in the videos I said” no” and that ’s when my bigger cousin stepped in and started to persuade me into doing it with them at that time I was 9 years old. From the day I said “no” until about two days they did not speak to me but gave me bad eyes and said bad things about me. For those two days I felt lonely, they were my only playmates. Anyways I did whatever they wanted me to for 3 and a half years. My mother finally stopped leaving me over there it was the best day of my life.
    Now during that time I use to follow my niece to look for her grandmother .so she would bring me with her she’s one year older than me. So she had an uncle( I was about 9 or 10)that the both of us would play with her uncle (he was about 14-15). Until he started to place me on his belly. After a while he started to push me down to his male part it was uncomfortable, I figured because I wasn’t related to him he did it to me alone. Because of my past experiences with my cousins, it wasn’t new to me. When it started, whenever she said let go and visit my grandmother I would say no but then again my family and she wanted to know why. I could not tell them I was scared after all he threatened me. It all stopped when they moved. I for one wasn’t glad because it wasn’t somewhere far it was like a 3-minute walk.
    Until this day I still haven’t told anyone, to them I am perfect not having any boyfriend and focusing on my school work. I struggle with low confidence, having fear all the time, can’t open my heart to a boy because am scared. I blamed myself for everything.It took me 10 years to forgive, let go, accept my past. It has made me into who I am today, a child who is discovering new things, conquering the world, ready to achieve my goals and go on my career path. thank you, Ms. Tamar Braxton, I could not have done this without this website the peoples story it helped me to not feel alone.

  178. At an early age, I was molested by an older female cousin on my mother’s side and by an aunt on my father’s side. They both started around the same time. I remember my cousin “kissing” me in my private area and I knew I didn’t like it and it was wrong, but I was afraid to tell anyone. My cousin finally stopped after some years because I wouldn’t touch her back, but my aunt threatened to tell my parents that I was being bad and wasn’t obeying her. She would make up different lies if I didn’t touch her. Touching her felt so disguisting and I’d always have to hold my vomit down. I cried everytime my parents wanted to leave me there with the rest of my cousins and they never knew why. I think my aunt got mad when I cried because that’s when she’d get rough with me. After I got a bit older and my parents started giving me the choice to stay or not, I would always say NO, I WANT TO GO HOME. She never got the chance to touch me again. I was an extremely shy kid who couldn’t say the word NO so growing up, I was abused in many different ways. I was raped at age 13 in an exit at our mall. I told my best friend, but she thought she was comforting me by saying, “You will be ok. The first time is always scary.” I got pregnant at 16 by my high school sweetheart and he was an amazing boyfriend. He treated me like a princess. We broke up and I ended up with my first husband. 3 kids by the age of 22. He beat me almost everyday for no reason. I cooked, cleaned,kept the kids very nice, and picked up after him. I fixed his plate before fixing the kid’s as he requested so I didn’t understand why he hurt so much. After calling the police and them never doing anything, even though they saw the patches of hair missing, bruises on my body, black eyes, and busted lips, me not being able to walk for a month and a half after he punched me in my back then walking on a cane for another month,I finally got a job behind his back, saved up enough money and left with the help of my mother. What took the cake is when he tried to snap my neck in front of my kids. The next day, I was gone. He found me after a year, kidnapped me, took me to his apartment, raped me, then dropped me in front of my apartment. I ran inside crying and shaking and called the police. He had a friend on the force and that friend showed up along with another cop. He had gone home and changed clothes and came back because his cop friend told him I was screaming rape. The 2nd officer knew somthing was wrong. With tears in his eyes, he looked me over and saw the missing hair, the bloody nose, and scratches and said, “Because he brought you back to where he took you from, we can not arrest him for kidnapping.” I fell to my knees. The officer said the words I’m sorry so many times that night, with tears in his eyes. My abuser finally left me alone afterhe got remarried some years later, but he didn’t stop verbally abusing me. When my high school sweetheart and I rekindled our relationship, he had to step in on my phone conversations with my abuser. He stopped verbally abusing me. I prayed for that monster. I prayed for my children. And I prayed for myself. I didn’t want my children to have problems later in life because of what they saw me go through. I didn’t want that monster to hurt another woman. And I wanted to forgive him and move on with my life. I suffer from nightmares, night sweats, I fight in my sleep and my loving husband is right there. He wakes me from those horrible nightmares and makes me look at him to assure me that it was just a nightmare, and he holds me until I fall asleep. He is an angel. My angel and I thank God for this man. I have forgiven all of my abusers, some not mentioned here, but I have not forgotten. I understand what all of you beautiful ladies have gone through and are going through. Stay strong, pray, pray, and pray again. You are valuable and don’t forget it. You can heal and move pass this. I’m 44 now, and although its still a struggle for me, I know I’ve won and what they did to me did not break me. God bless you all.

  179. I was sexually abused by my brother around age 6-9. I never told but I’m 100% sure my mother knew. She walked in his room one time and we were under the covers. She paused for a minute and closed the door. At age 13 my uncle tongue kissed me after my aunt died. I didn’t tell and soon after he started calling the house talking XXX to me. I told my mom on 2 occasions. I can’t say if she did anything. I do know that he was still part of the family even though our blood connection to him was gone so there was no need for him to be around. I internalized everything and allowed so many men to abuse me in every way. In my adult life I had 2 daughters. When my oldest was 23, my brother (the same one above) choked her, lifting her feet off the ground, and threw her on the bed cuz he felt she wasn’t listening to him. She’s never been a bad or disrespectful child. He has 2 sons that are bad af. I was living about 2 hours away so I had her friend call the police and got him locked up. My mother called yelling at me saying I had no right and that my child probably deserved it. At that point I lost it and went full in on her about the way she always takes up for him even though he’s a complete fuck up. I didn’t mix words or hold back at all. And I was sure to bring up how she allowed him to abuse me. She told me he’s still my brother and I owe him an apology. We didn’t speak for about 2 years. I was tired of being angry all the time and decided to go to my moms bday party. Towards the end, he gave a bs blank apology in front of everyone. I said I accept but I didn’t really. He never acknowledged either event. My mom and I now have a relationship but I secretly don’t respect or even like her. I tell myself I have to love her cuz she’s my mother. But I’m one step away from hating her. My father recently passed. My mother told him about our fight and the things I said. He was on my side, but didn’t do anything either. He just kept saying he wants to have a f2f with my brother but never did. All the internalizing is taking its toll on me now. I can’t seem to get out of this depression. I’ve put on so much weight from emotional binge eating which makes me feel even worse. I still thank God for my daughters cuz I would be dead if I didn’t have them. Life insurance doesn’t pay for suicides.

  180. As I sit scrolling reading, my heart feels for each of you.
    The abuse started at the age of 4. My dad told me one morning to come in the room as I always did on a Saturday morning to watch tv. I sat on the bed watching cartoons. He told me to get under the cover and lay down. I did. He told me to touch him. I did. He put his penis in my mouth. I remember crying because I was choking. I didn’t understand what was going on but I knew at 4 that my “dad” wasn’t supposed to hurt me. And all my little mind knew was that I couldn’t breathe. I bit him and he grabbed me by my hair, placing his hand over my mouth forcing himself into my little body. I bit him again and didn’t let go until I tasted blood. He threw me to the floor and grabbed his belt. I ran to my oldest sisters room. I told her what happened. From that day he never touched me again because she sacrificed herself for him to not touch me. He would take us to the basement of the house and tell me to ride my bicycle around in the basement while my sister was handcuffed to the bed. She never made a sound as he raped her. Weekly. This was our routine. She endured physical abuse to save me. I just realize later in life that he was mentally and emotionally abusing me while physically and sexually abusing her. This lasted for 8 years. We finally gained the courage to tell our family, yet no one believed us but our mother. Our family told my mother to not leave him because he was financial security and he is a police officer. The next day we came home from school my mother had all our clothes packed in her car, she said we were leaving. He was in the basement, sitting on the same rusty twin bed he used to rape my sister on, crying. She took us to the police station and to the commonwealth attorneys office. I remember walking into the beautifully furnished offie. The leather on the upright chairs were like a deep burgandy. I remember running my fingers on the the small brass buttons as we told this to the commonwealth. I will never forget, the man looked my mother square in the eye and said, “Ma’am, your husband is a pillar of this community and one of our top officers, no one will believe you. For the safety of you and your girls, I think it’s best if you get them to hush up now”. And just like that, we were escorted out of the office and walked to my mothers car. She sat in the drivers seat for what seemed like forever, quiet, it felt as if she was cry but a tear never dropped from her eyes. She never said another word to me or my sister about what had happened to us. We were silenced our youth stolen, and my sister still unable to bare or birth children. All stolen. We were told by our family to be quite and never speak on it again. What could we do? All I knew was him as my dad. My biological father died when I was 8 months, so for years I struggled with how can I look at him as my dad and know he abused us. I struggled with this tremenously for years. I’ve never allowed my children to be around him without my supervison, we always are at large family event. I never went to his home till recently because my little sisters are there in his home. I knew at a young age that I would always be broken, that I’d never be able to associate love and intercourse together. It is just a action for me. I then went into relationships where physical abuse was the norm. In my mind then the only difference was I was older and could fight back. So I would fight, but stay. Black eyes were like wearing bras for me, an everyday occurrence. Until the day guns came into play. I was married and my ex-husband and I would fight everyday. This particular day I said no more I’m leaving. I packed my children and began to drive away. He began to shoot at my car. Anger filled me and foolishly I turned my car around, went into the house got my gun, loaded it and placed it to his head. My left eye was black, blood covered my actual eye, blood running out of my ear. I stood there in my living room, car running outside with my babies in it, with my gun to his head, his gun and his brothers gun to mine. I was ready to die if it meant it would all stop. But my mother and “dad” came and rescued me. There I stood beaten, battered and bruised and the same man who started the cycle of abuse was the same man who came with my mother to get me and my children to safety. All the pain I felt that day, I remember feeling naked with clothes on. I remember feeling like the 4-year-old again. After months of not being physically beat every day, one day I was taken by a ‘family friend’. My newborn baby was placed in one room, while I was placed in another room handcuffed at the arms and feet to a bed. For an entire week, I was raped every single day. The only thing that saved me was my baby cried for an entire day, neighbors heard it and called the police. Again my mother and the same man who started this cycle were there. Confusion in my head all over again. My family shamed me for being a rape victim. I was told many times it was my fault, that my meaness had to be broken and that my mouth had to be tamed because I had a “smart” mouth. I felt like I had an invisible sign lighting up on me that said, “Rape and Beat HER!”. Time moved on and eventually I remarried and although he never physically abused me, I lived with mental and emotional abuse from him daily for 8 years. I couldn’t take anymore and left. Now today, I have forgiven my dad, but I don’t would rather not be around him a long time. He apologized to my sister and I, told us how his father used to sexually assault him. I understand it is a learned behavior at times, but it still I couldn’t sympathize with him. I’m a mother and have never assaulted my children period. That just shouldn’t be a thought in a person mind. I still battle with another human beings touch at times. I don’t have the anxiety attacks anymore, but I do get a little jumpy. 36 years after my first sexual assault experience and I’m still trying to healing. It’s a long journey and hopefully one day it’ll be complete. Tired of the confusing perplexing feelings that come with being raped and physically abused.

  181. I was sexually molested at the age of 6 by my teenage babysitter. It started with my friend when she would go to her house. Then she started it with me. At the time I didn’t understand what was going on so I never said anything. So I blocked it out! Then 4 years later it began again, but it was my brother. I never thought out of all people he would do those things to me. My other brother caught my brother messing with me, so I just knew he would tell, but he didn’t. My childhood was already in shambles before any of this began. Before the babysitter and my brother started doing those things. I feared we were gonna get taking away and moved around again so I kept quiet. Still to this day no one knows expect my children’s father. Incest runs so deep in black families, but we’re so afraid to say something. My family will eventually find out through my book. Since I still haven’t gotten up the courage to say anything to my parents.
    Tamar thank you for this site this safe haven, for there are so many women/men going through sexual assaults, domestic abuse who are afraid to speak out.

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